AIBU to move to Australia for a happier life?

[traveldreamz]

DH and I have been talking about living abroad for years. When we had DS 3, we stopped talking about it and settled down to the daily grind of working, commuting and childcare. Both of us are fed up of it (although who isn't TBF!) and DS has started to get exhausted from being at nursery full time so weekdays have become one big long battle from the time we get up to the time we put DS to bed. We both find it very hard to tolerate the long dark UK winters and apart from our family who we rarely see due to work & childcare commitments we could keep in contact over Skype or email in the same way we do now.

We would both be classed as skilled workers under the visa application process so as long as we can both secure jobs similar to the ones we have now, the sums seem add up and it looks like we should be better off than we are now. The school's look comparable to the UK so DS education would be taken care of.

We love the more relaxed culture, the sun and the nature. The main problem is that our family would be very upset and quite possibly wouldn't talk to us for a long time and would probably never visit.

The grass is always greener. You will still have to work, still need to commute, still need childcare, still do housework and shopping and everything else you do here. Sure, it works for some. But the reason it is such a fantasy for you is likely because you don't know it and it has yet to become your every day mundane.

do you have enough savings to cover going out for a few weeks to see for yourselves that the sums add up?

unless you have unique skills employment can be an issue (I have family and friends who live in Australia). they have a pro natural citizen employment law so you would always come second to someone who is born there iyswim.

if you can tick all the boxes then why not try it for a couple of years?

Agree with what the previous posters say - grass is greener etc.

However, some friends of ours up-rooted themselves a couple of years ago, and have settled into a fabulous life in Perth. They hadn't been on a plane until they took the flight to emigrate. So it can work out.

...the daily grind of working, commuting and childcare....

You do realise that this also applies in Australia right? Depending on where you choose to live ( and as a skilled migrant it will probably be in a city) property prices are equally high here. The average price of a below average Sydney home is now $1,000,000 in most suburbs. Childcare fees are $130 a day.

There are many great things about Australia but being inexpensive isn't one of them. Your post makes me concerned that you think you're migrating to some economic utopia.

Do your research as i do know alot of people who have come back recently. My uncle was the original £10 pom and said he come back if his children wont out there. (He as three). He lives in sidney and says some parts are very dangerous. One of my cousins who lives there says he wishes he been born in uk as he not into sport or the drinking culture and loves museums and old building etc and finds his home country limited. He like my uncle loved seeing the uk villages and old churches, green trees and grass. (Thats what they got excited by). He lived in new york (visited him) for years until my aunts cancer and then death took him back to my uncle. However all that sun....so tempting!!!!!!

Have you ever been?

I love Australia but you still have to work, commute and afford childcare just like you do here. Plus it's really expensive. And some of it in winter is still cold.

I can see what you mean about the grass always being greener!

kim147 no we haven't been ourselves, I've worked with a few friends from australia over the years and I think that's helped to make it an idyllic place in my mind.

wheresthelight the employment laws might make things more difficult, we were planning on waiting until we had secured jobs before making the jump but I suppose it could halt our plans indefinitely if we can't. I'm a teacher and DH works in tech so I supposed our skills aren't that unique. Going out there was the next step, a few weeks sounds like a good time to get a feel for how the life might suit us and how the money might work out.

ajandjjmum really glad that it worked out for your friends, it's good to know that it can work out!

My brother is in Aus, he loves it. However, his hours of work are longer, he has only just bought his own house (after 8 year) because of the price of property, it is unbelievably expensive to live (although wages in his line of work are higher so that balances out), I can't stress enough to you how hard you are expected to work and play, he has family there who have helped with kids etc but had he not have had I don't know how he would manage. We moved four hours from our family when our kids were the same age as yours and were so isolated and alone that we moved back after 2 years.
He misses home a lot, although he never admits it (I can tell by the phone calls and how gushing he is about Aus), on top of that, where he is the weather isn't that different from here - although hotter in the summer but equally rainy and grey at times.
We started the emigration process once and then I realised that we would still be the same people with the same mindset but with more demands and less support. And that whilst the weather may be better, that's really only any good if you make use of it and if you don't get out here it would be no different there.
Just think realistically about it before you jump (unless you have the spare cash to manage an extended trial trip)

Oh definitely make sure you have jobs before you go, Aussies have to prove that they can't get an Aussie for the job before employing an immigrant now. I have a friend in Queensland who can't get work because she is British even though she is in a LTR with an Aussie and is there because of him.

*and she is on the occupations in demand list

do your research because if I remember correctly for one of those BBC shows teaching qualifications from the UK aren't transferable so you will have to do the equivalent of a pgce over there in order to teach so make sure you do your research before you waste time and money going out there for a look!! and work out what the degree course will cost and whether you cam do that and earn and still have the family life you want

I think Sydney is REALLY expensive (not just property, day to day living too) but other areas can be more affordable. I agree with the others tho you need to go out there for a few weeks first and see if it's right for you.

Honestly, as someone who has moved overseas (not to Australia), I would say that you really, really need to do lots of research before you make such a big decision.

It's really easy to focus on the nice things - sunshine, beaches, an exciting new environment etc - but the boring realities of everyday life in the UK will still be the boring realities of everyday life in Australia. You will still have a crap day at work. Your kids will still get snotty colds that turn them into whinge bags that don't sleep. You will still argue with your husband about whose turn it is to take the bins out. You will still have to deal with your car failing its MOT or your boiler needing replacing.

Skype, email, Whatsapp etc are great, and they make a huge difference to people living away from family and friends. BUT it doesn't stop you feeling guilty/sad/disappointed every time you miss a birthday party, christening, wedding, dinner party etc. There was a horrible moment last year when DH got a phone call to say his Dad was in a hospital after he had suffered a stroke, and he wasn't expected to last the night. My poor DH had the hideous decision of whether or not to jump on the first (very expensive) flight back to the UK, and accept that he would probably land to find out he had passed away, or wait at least until a tentative funeral date had been decided. Flights are expensive and employers quickly lose sympathy when you need a week off to go to a funeral, rather than 1 day.

You may need or appreciate your family support in future years.
Why not book a fortnight holiday in a warm place and dream about that instead.
In a few years your children will be more independent.
Can you find out why she is so exhausted, could the nursery give her more sleep or time out, or use a childminder instead on some days which could be less exhausting.
Use the money to get a cleaner or other things to get you through this bad patch.
Buy some very bright lights to have on in the home if you dont like the winter darkness.
Get out for a walk at the weekend when it is light and take lots of pictures. If its raining put on a coat and go anyway.

I have a friend in Melborne who spends a lot of time complaining about the excessive heat, so there is a downside.

The reasons you give for emigrating do seem like escapism rather than reality, but, if you genuinely have desire to go to aus and better reasons than you mention, then go for it.

Have you never seen Wanted Down Under? Give it a watch on the iplayer.

My DSS and wife just returned from Perth . They found it so expensive even with good jobs. Public transport was poor. Television was dire . His wife could not believe the sexism and could not get used to certain men ignoring her to speak to her husband!

I know several people (well three - couples and families) who have moved out to Oz.

Firstly ALL of them knew the country! You've never even been - I think that's very weird to actually consider moving somewhere you've never even visited. That, more than anything, is a big red flag i.e. you are seeing the whole thing through rose coloured fantasy specs.

Secondly, of the three families I know. One are happy there - all of them (though even that is fraught with issues as oldest daughter's real dad is back in UK which meant court battles and unresolved problems). The second - wife very very unhappy but feels can't leave as kids lives are there now. She misses her family, culture, everything about UK. Third - same. Husband loves it, wife is unhappy. They have compromised and are leaving after five years.

As a PP said - life is still life. You still have to cook, clean, go to work, school, deal with whatever variables life throws at you. Even if it is sunny!

I think you're being naive - maybe this will all happen and all be wonderful. But research and think a lot more. And go out there for a couple of weeks!!

Check out the Living Overseas page, probably half the people there live in Australia. I am sure there are lots of people who could answer your questions.

YANBU in that you should live your lives and your extended families have to right to limit you by emotional blackmail.

BUT I agree with the others that it may be a "grass is always greener" thing.

I'd try it, with a time limit. Apply for visas. Agree to go and give it your all for a set time (2 or 3 years) then make a permanent decision.

Go and visit first - DH and I had dreams of moving to NZ 10+ years ago, but when we went we thought the cities are nice, but many European cities are nicer, and the countryside is nice, but also doesn't beat the alps... The small towns were all things hideous in our opinion.

We decided Europe had more to offer without the distance or the visa hoops.

I really recommend visiting www.bobinoz.com

I think that as you have been thinking about it for years, you will probably regret not doing it if you don't go.

If your family is going to be less that understanding about your life plans and wishes then frankly that is unkind of them and unnecessary. You rarely see them anyway. I would not count that among my main reasons for staying.

Our friends went to NZ as a family and loved every minute - both music teachers/professionals and no problem establishing work there.

Not sure if they came back or not.

my friend went out four yrs ago, her dh works in mining in a small mining town, they have 2 little girls age 5&6 , she is a sahm and they love it, yes its expensive, but they have an amazing life, the town they live in has a great community and she has made loads (heaps as she says now ) of new friends. they've just had their school summer holidays and done loads of stuff we couldn't do here. they aren't earning a ton of money, or live in a massive house or anything they have a fairly average life down under but now they work to live, not live to work.
do it if you can, you only have one life, you can always come back if you hate it.
the worst regrets are the chances you didn't take.

Mo direction - I have lived in six different countries and didn't visit four of them before I moved. I don't think it is that weird. ??

ps can I come with you please