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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that buying a coffee doesn't entitle you to squat in a cafe all afternoon?

253 replies

MythicalKings · 15/02/2015 08:23

Inspired by the "reserving tables" thread.

No problem if it isn't crowded but some groups of people think it's ok to sit for a couple of hours or more in a busy café having only bought one drink each.

Last year in Cornwall I even saw one family sneakily get out a sandwich lunch which they ate furtively.

Last week Dsis and I popped into a cafe for a coffee before embarking on a shopping spree for her newly decorated living room. An hour and a half later we went back for lunch and saw the same group of people at the same table with the same empty coffee cups. It was really busy but they pretended not to notice the hovering people with food laden trays.

It is rude and inconsiderate, isn't it?

OP posts:
janestheone · 16/02/2015 15:14

YABU. If paying people are actually waiting for that person's seat in the cafe then that person is being selfish, and the manager ought to ask them to order something else or leave. But everyone should consider the space they are using, and this especially means those with those huge prams that people use nowadays.

whomovedmychocolate · 16/02/2015 17:10

Surely these things are self policing? You sit with your coffee, when it gets busy, it gets loud and I start to feel uncomfortable not being able to converse or read if I'm lucky enough to be on my own, and I leave.

If you are constantly being hovered over by people waiting for seats, you realise it's getting busy and eff off.

I agree the local muffia setting up camp at one end of Starbucks with twenty buggies is a thing (it's tribal, get over it, small annoyance to your day). And there's also the builders who drink their coffee superquick then have a long perve at page three. These are just part of the coffee shop fauna.

It is entirely up to the owners to police their own premises. Collecting up empty cups is a clear indication 'order something else or off ye fuck' and if they are too daft to do that, then sod 'em.

What annoys me more than anything is people who will passive aggressively whinge to other customers - because you know if they'll bitch about that customer over there, they are probably going to do the same about you too later on..

Housemum · 16/02/2015 18:52

You can't please some people - I thought I was doing the right thing a couple of weeks ago in Costa - lady in front of me was in a mobility scooter, her friend had bagsied a seat (small round table in amongst a load of others). I saw a seat come free in another section, on the edge so easy to get to and could shove a chair out of the way so she could sit her scooter up to the table. I offered to bagsie it for her with my shopping and she said thank you that's good to think. Her daughter/friend came up and gave me a mouthful for it being none of my business. I felt really upset, though slightly mollified when I heard her saying, "but I couldn't get in their her space".

My personal take is one drink per hour is not unreasonable. I often spend 2 hours in Costa with a friend putting the world to rights, we usually have 2 drinks and a cake each

Housemum · 16/02/2015 18:53

Their her?? "The other"

Smooshface · 16/02/2015 19:52

Gosh some of you guys are a bit mean

If you don't like the 'entitled' mummies with giant prams then maybe find a coffee shop that is a pain in the butt for them and go there (our local one is a Nero, one loo so limited baby change options, difficult to navigate due to loads of tables, bad acoustics - I go there with my daughters but there aren't usually many mummies)

I work from home but meet colleagues for coffee twice a week, 10-12 and one coffee each, cake if we aren't dieting (which we all currently are). We would move on when it starts to get busy. We used to have regular cafe but bad service one time after years of our fidelity means we change it up now. Good eh that we aren't a continuous 'burden' on the same establishment!

Smooshface · 16/02/2015 20:02

Reekypear- I would be happy for no children cafes too! Last thing I want when I am out alone is to hear other people's children shrieking! I got rare coffee with friends the other day, we ended up leaving rather abruptly after a child was yelling their head off for 20 minutes and daddy was unable to make them stop and unwilling to leave.

Means less judgey gits in the child friendly places too! Win-win
I would suggest nice bars that do breakfasts to do coffee in, as parents are less likely to go there. Infant, I'm suggesting that next time I get to go!

NeverNic · 16/02/2015 20:06

As a mum on maternity leave I look forward to feeding my son out of the house once in awhile. If he wants to take 45mins to feed I am going to hover over my drink. I like to spend an hour being surrounded by people going about their business as its nice to be out of the house. Often the reason I am stopping is to feed if I'm on my way back from the shops. I tend to go to a tiny coffee shop near my house which sells amazing coffee and cake. That is my treat. Occasionally I feed first over a cup and then get food or a second cup when I'm done. I guess to some in the thread I am out of order as they wouldnt be able to tell that woul be my plan. Also what's with this 'entitled' description? Using that expression just makes the posters sound more stuck up than the people they are talking about.

Smooshface · 16/02/2015 20:09

Oh and our local starbucks used to let nct do a meet up every week for mums with babies! I would have loved to see the horror on some of your faces trying to navigate past 20+ of us with our tiny babies clutching our much needed lattes! Grin

snottagecheese · 16/02/2015 20:45

I'm a freelancer and I quite often sit in cafes for a good couple of hours while I work, but I have a kind of internal rule of at least one coffee/drink/ sandwich/cake-type thing per hour. Today, for example, I was somewhere for about 3 hours (which is longer than usual; I generally don't stay in one place for longer than two hours but I had lots of emails to get through), but I had a proper main course (£7) and then a bit later a coffee and slice of cake. I reckon that was fair enough.

UptheChimney · 16/02/2015 23:04

I was at the British library for work a few a weeks ago and I noticed the way the café there deals with people hogging tables. They have little notices on each table saying that at peak to times, those without food will be asked to move. They say that it's 30 mins with a cup of tea/coffee, and 45 mins for a meal.

So there's a guide, from our national library

Dwerf · 16/02/2015 23:29

I meet up with a group of writers most weekends and we always sit at the same tables in the same chain coffeeshop. Sometimes there's four of us, sometimes fourteen or more. We're usually there hours. We don't actually take up that much room, because we sit along the back where the plugs are, so we usually only take up those three tables. I usually have two cups of coffee, others vary, some order food. The staff like us though I don't know how much money we make them.

PrincessOfThemyscira · 17/02/2015 13:25

I run an independent coffee shop.
Thankfully we have lots of space so there is plenty of room for the NCT crowd to take over a couple of sofas for a few hours. Some days we have two tribes of them, as opposite ends of the room!
We're near a hospital too, so often have people waiting for appointments or having dropped someone off there. It's good to have people in the place, looking busy, as it attracts more trade.
I don't mind people nursing one drink for an hour or two, using our wifi etc. Even had one guy charge his phone up from our sockets last week. Not a problem.

But what really boils my piss is when families come in and buy a hot drink for the adult and think that entitles them to get out their lunchboxes to feed the kids. We have children's meals available (proper healthy stuff, not turkey twizzlers etc) and they look horrified when we point out that only food bought on our premises can be consumed there. The excuses are plentiful.
I'm a parent, and I wouldn't dream of taking food or drink for my DC into a restaurant or cafe. If I know my DC won't eat the food on offer there then I feed them at home or outside.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2015 16:39

'But what really boils my piss is when families come in and buy a hot drink for the adult and think that entitles them to get out their lunchboxes to feed the kids. We have children's meals available (proper healthy stuff, not turkey twizzlers etc) and they look horrified when we point out that only food bought on our premises can be consumed there. '

I'm glad when cafes do this. It's a real piss take. Can imagine the excuses.

Smooshface · 17/02/2015 23:28

I bring snacks for my 14 month old to cafes if I'm not meeting at lunch time (a box of raisins or packet of breadsticks) and might share some wafer biccys with her from there, most of the cafes I go to would only offer fruit for baby (sometimes I will buy a banana but orange or Apple is more difficult for a messy toddler with 2 teeth!) - are my snacks ok or would I be expected to buy a sarnie or cake(!)? My five year old would not put up with my brought snacks so no danger of me sneaking packed lunches for her ;)

toobreathless · 18/02/2015 00:23

I will hold my hands up and say that our children (3yrs & 1 yr) often eat their packed lunch in cafés.

Our 'excuses'

  • allergies in one child
  • very fussy eater in the other
  • we live very, very rurally so if we go out we do so for the whole day. We can't just 'nip' home to feed them.
  • we would only ever do this if we are both ordering adult meals AND we usually buy our eldest some sort of drink as a 'treat' typical spend probably £15 plus.
  • if weather is acceptable we will all picnic outside.
  • not if busy.
  • we don't do this in independent coffee shops typically places like M&S cafe or our local council run museum's cafe.

I have never been challenged. My father was challenged once when he was out with them & simply walked out (didn't pay) leaving an untouched coffee on the table. I am assuming they cancelled his food order.

Cliffdiver · 18/02/2015 09:30

Both DD1 and 2 had food allergies and I would only bring my own food in for them if there was nothing suitable for them to eat in the cafe or I had checked with the cafe prior to coming and they said it was ok to bring something. The majority of cafes are allergy friendly. I don't think being a fussy eater is an excuse to bring your own food Hmm.

Cliffdiver · 18/02/2015 09:31

And walking out after being challenged is terrible - the cafe would be down on the cost of the coffee and a lunch order. Totally unacceptable.

matchstickpopper · 18/02/2015 09:47

agree that a fussy eater is not an excuse to bring your own food...

Sparklingbrook · 18/02/2015 09:52

Surely if you have to take your own food for the Dcs for whatever reason you just ask the cafe owner if it's ok before you start?

OnlyLovers · 18/02/2015 10:02

Walking out is inexcusable.

OnlyLovers · 18/02/2015 10:03

Posted too soon.

Walking out is inexcusable. Do you really want your children to see adults behaving like that and getting the idea that it's fine to strop off if you can't have something all your way?

expatinscotland · 18/02/2015 10:03

It's usually the ones who bring their own who leave the biggest messes, too. We are rural, too, and skint. Picnic in the car before I broke out a lunchbox in a cafe for my kids.

Sparklingbrook · 18/02/2015 10:04

I don't understand the walking out. That doesn't make sense at all.

expatinscotland · 18/02/2015 10:05

I can only imagine the excuses.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/02/2015 10:24

I am part of a knitting group that used to meet at a cafe in the village where we are based - we had our first meeting there, and there were only three of us. But we grew very quickly, and went from meeting fortnightly to weekly - and we had such fun at our meetings that they lasted for hours.

We were very aware that, despite the fact that we all bought drinks and snacks, and many of us bought lunch too, we were not making as much money for the cafe as they would have made, if our tables had been used several times over the hours, by different people, so we made the decision to move to a different venue, where there was plenty of space, so we could spread out and stay for hours, without negatively impacting on the business.

We would have loved to stay, but it wasn't fair on the cafe. In fairness, though, we were lucky to find a new venue, that suited our needs so well - other groups might not be able to move as easily as we did.