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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that buying a coffee doesn't entitle you to squat in a cafe all afternoon?

253 replies

MythicalKings · 15/02/2015 08:23

Inspired by the "reserving tables" thread.

No problem if it isn't crowded but some groups of people think it's ok to sit for a couple of hours or more in a busy café having only bought one drink each.

Last year in Cornwall I even saw one family sneakily get out a sandwich lunch which they ate furtively.

Last week Dsis and I popped into a cafe for a coffee before embarking on a shopping spree for her newly decorated living room. An hour and a half later we went back for lunch and saw the same group of people at the same table with the same empty coffee cups. It was really busy but they pretended not to notice the hovering people with food laden trays.

It is rude and inconsiderate, isn't it?

OP posts:
UptheChimney · 15/02/2015 16:35

In that case i would lie star shaped on the table just to be sure

Top advice, sparklingbrook I'll make sure I do that next time I am the selfish single unreasonably demanding a comfortable seat, peace & quiet, and table space in which to enjoy my Naughty Lone Hot Chocolate Drink

I get the general thing about making room for others, if one is sitting alone at a table for 4. But I've had the unpleasant experience of politely agreeing that it's OK to share my table, and then being crowded out by the other people's stuff, and my ears dinned by their noise. And my newspaper clearly annoying them.

So, you know, this table-sharing cuts both ways.

But several of the comments on this thread underline just how unacceptable people on their own are. We have far fewer rights apparently.

SASASI · 15/02/2015 16:41

Upthechimney you have demonstrated exceptionally well why I would not approach someone clearly taking over a whole sofa. Would you give them the attitude you have demonstrated here? I Don't need that shit when out n about but this is a forum for people to express their opinions so here I am but generally I do not pick battles like this in real life.

And this is not about breastfeeding so your PFB comment is very rude - most BF'ing mothers would agree a sofa is more comfortable to BF with than a standard table & chair. But my point is that we are not more entitled to a 3 seater sofa than say 3 friends who IMO.

ilovesooty · 15/02/2015 16:51

I agree with UptheChimney about the attitude to people on their own. You only have to look at the other running thread where people were told that if they're on their own and can't bag a table while queuing for food it's just tough - go somewhere else.

In fact last week I went to a local café where I was queuing for food and a whole table was taken up by four people sharing one drink. They actually refused to make room for me on the bench seat and I had to stand and wait with my food going cold until someone else left.
They were still there when I left.
That's one cafe I won't visit again.

OnlyLovers · 15/02/2015 17:14

SASASI, what are you talking about re UpTheChimney's 'attitude'? Confused All she's said is that she's happy to share a sofa or table with others.

You do seem to assume that anyone sitting with a bag on a seat/their stuff spread round is just waiting to give you a mouthful of abuse if you approach them. If you actually tried it you may find that that wasn't entirely true.

Scrumbled · 15/02/2015 17:15

Its up to the owner or manager to worry about and deal with.

OnlyLovers · 15/02/2015 17:15

ilovesooty, I'd have said something to the staff in that situation. That's SO fucking rude.

SASASI · 15/02/2015 17:18

Don't know how to quote only lovers but there was sentence about PFB etc which was unnecessary & not what this thread is about.

SASASI · 15/02/2015 17:21

And my point is that if people are already acting in an unreasonable matter there is a higher chance of them not taking kindly to someone approaching looking to share their space. I'm not saying everyone, some people may just genuinely be thoughtless but as I've Said that's not a battle I would enter in real life. I would just go elsewhere where I don't have that hassle.

albertcamus · 15/02/2015 17:25

Cafés seem to bring out the worst in folk ... This morning I was hopping/wobbling on my crutches (triple-broken leg) at a reasonable speed into a garden centre cafe for my weekly outing with DH, when I was undertaken & nearly pushed over by a (Tony Robinson lookalike) man with his wife trailing after him, because it was really important for them to get the last remaining table, which we were very clearly heading for as it was the only unoccupied one in that corner.

Luckily lovely caring families surrounded by DCs of all ages watched & dished out death stares to him, and they kindly made way for me.

Thanks for that :(

OnlyLovers · 15/02/2015 17:32

SASASI, well all I can say (and I'm sorry, I know I'm just repeating myself) is, rather than assume that they're going to refuse and/or be horrible about it, it's easy enough to approach with a pleasant smile but a firm air and say politely that you'd like to sit there. I've done it many times and never been subjected to abuse or any other unreasonable behaviour.

Panzee · 15/02/2015 17:34

It's a good job the Elephant House didn't take that attitude with J K Rowling. ;)

Dinnerfor1 · 15/02/2015 17:47

Maybe all cafes should start charging per minute:

www.theguardian.com/travel/2014/jan/08/pay-per-minute-cafe-ziferblat-london-russia

toffeeboffin · 15/02/2015 18:09

OK - so exactly what are the definitive rules of cafe-going? I try and spend a lot of time in them so need to know! I'll start, please feel free to add or correct!

  1. One drink ( Hot or cold) equals one hour's time in the cafe.
  1. If it is busy and you are alone at a table, you should be willingly to share said table. ( but no doubt this will make you feel v. uncomfortable and will probably leave anyway).
  1. Er.... ?? Anyone?!
PilchardPrincess · 15/02/2015 18:33

If you don't want to upset anyone it's probably easier to give it a miss, I think.

Sparklingbrook · 15/02/2015 18:35

It's the easiest way all round Pilchard. Grin

stayanotherday · 15/02/2015 18:54

This is why I never go to cafes now. They're full of people who are there for hours and you can't get a seat. I used to go on my own for a quick lunch and never minded sharing a table. It's just they've become too crowded and I feel unwelcome as if I'm in the way.

I buy food and drinks from supermarkets and eat on the run instead.

slithytove · 15/02/2015 19:01

SASASI
You say "if people are already acting in an unreasonable matter"

What unreasonableness are you referring to? A lone person sitting on a big sofa?

Hillingdon · 15/02/2015 19:24

I was in Jamie's in Westfields. It's full of entitled people who think their kids are everyones idea of heaven. I was sitting at a table for one and a couple with two children came in with buggies and all. They had run out of space at the front and the man looked at my chair opposite me and proceeded to move my chair and put his grubby, food stained pushchair opposite me at the same time stating 'you don't mind do you?'....

I told him I was waiting for someone! His oldest started wandering around the place and the waiters were literally dodging this child with hot drink, plates of good etc.

I know that a Sat lunchtime is prime family time but Sat lunch is a real treat for me. Not sure what the answer is but a food and drink minimum might work. The people who nurse one coffee for hrs on end might flounce off but hey ho!

albertcamus · 15/02/2015 19:36

During my 7-week crutches-using time, I have found that it is not children who stare / laugh / discuss / dart in front of me / hog tables in cafés, it is those much older who should know better. They could take a leaf out of their DCs' books, half the time.

2rebecca · 15/02/2015 19:51

Agree it's the manager's problem to deal with. Some people are in to the cafe clulture thing. Simone de beauvor and Satre seem to have spent half their lives in cafes in the 60s. JK Rowling wrote her early harry potter books in cafes.
Agree it's the owners problem to sort out, if they perceive it as a problem, if they're regulars they maybe don't. If a cafe is busy you go elsewhere.
I don't think it's rude, cafes serve different functions for different people.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 15/02/2015 20:07

albert I agree - I am not sure I've ever seen this waiting staff carrying hot drinks (always) and dodging hordes of rampaging toddlers phenomenon which always turns up eventually on any MN thread it can be even tenuously shoe horned onto.

Perhaps cafés should actually stop serving anything except "to go" once there is a backlog of people waiting for tables... seems pretty poor management for a business to keep serving beyond capacity with no attempt to clear tables for the tray jugglers they are pushing out into the already full to capacity café area. ..

KnittedJimmyChoos · 15/02/2015 22:01

I have never had a problem asking people if I can sit down, people have never had a problem saying YES or..this seat is taken.

Anyway its good to know there is a such a demand for coffee shop tables they can afford to be so picky about their customers.

The economy must be on the up after all, round me, cafes are closing rapidly and usually empty when walk past.

hiddenhome · 15/02/2015 22:05

There's a cafe in Durham city where the students don't even bother buying anything. They just sit at the tables outside on their laptops. Not a cup or mug in sight quite often Hmm

slightlyglitterstained · 15/02/2015 22:22

Basically, cafes are just full of Other People.

Bastards.

LurkingHusband · 15/02/2015 23:11

There was a story a while back about a coffee shop which didn't charge for coffee - just for time spent ....

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