to think this is not enough food for an eight year old?

[mindalina]

Picked DS up from his dad's, DS says he's starving can we have dinner straight away. Came home and put the dinner on and I asked what he's had to eat today and he said he had a bacon sandwich for breakfast and lunch and two cups of tea all day. That's one bacon sandwich for both breakfast AND lunch, not two separate bacon sandwiches. I don't want to ask prying questions of DS but I suspect what's happening here is that the lazy fucker ex is not getting up till lunchtime or just before, hence DS not getting breakfast.

AIBU? I don't think this is good enough.

If my 6 year old was playing computer games, he would go without eating as he gets so absorbed. When DP gets up with our boys he often just gives them a banana and then a bacon sandwhich around 10.30am BUT they usually look for a snack around 3.

Could u chuck some cereal bars in his bag?

I never asked for food when at dads....I just didn't feel like it was home

Its not a question of whether an eight year old CAN make toast or cereal or whatever. His father should be providing him with enough food and no, I dont think a bacon sarnie is enough for a child to go through until dinner time on.

I wouldnt be reading his dad the riot act, though, unless he is generally not a caring father? I'd just tell him that DS came home starving and remind him that he needs more food next time.

Yanbu. His father has not looked after him properly today. Of course he's hungry!

by all the posts thinking its no biggie

It sounds like he doesn't feel he can ask his dad for more food which is awful.

My 4 year old wouldn't manage on that all day! She usually has toast or a pot of dried cereal at about 7, a banana after the school run at 9.30 then sometimes something else. Lunch at 12.15 which is sandwich, fruit, cheese and yoghurt, very occasionally something after school at 3.30, tea at 5, some sweets or chocolate after if tea eaten then sometimes more fruit or breadsticks. That sounds like a massively overfeed her! I just let her tell me if she's hungry. Don't even get me started on my 7 year old.

of course it's not enough. once in a blue moon wine hurt though. Maybe he had nothing in and didn't want to buy anything as he is going away and it will go to waste. Maybe they were occupied and forgot to eat dinner and only realised close to pick up and doesn't want to feed him incase it ruins his tea and you complain. Maybe he got an unexpected bill and have your ds what was left in his cupboard and will starve for the rest of the week. maybe ds was lying. maybe his is a lazy git. but once won't hurt.

If it is a reoccurring incident then yes, complain.

Why on earth wouldn't you let an 8 year old make toast? I could make a full dinner and a cake by the time I was 10, an average 8 year old can at the very least make toast!

RE the OP, people who don't have daily care of children, even if they are parents, aren't used to the routines. Of course he should have offered more food, but its not sinister that he didn't think to, or expected the child to say if he was hungry.

It's more a question of is it enough for him

I quite often get up late on a weekend and only have a sandwich all day then make dinner around 6.

But if your DS was starving by the one he got home it's not enough. £3 really should be able to ask for some more food though at 8.

He

YANBU your ex dick head is.

It's all very well some posters saying he should have asked.He's only 8 FGS the man he was staying with is supposed to be a grown up.Since when did it become the norm for an 8 year old child to parent themselves!

My 2 oldest DS wouldn't ask for anything to eat at they're Dad's(ex husband)he's also useless,despite having a now 7 year old with his wife and his wife being pregnant again they don't do normal meal times either .They never felt comfortable in his house because of his partner making it blatantly obvious that she didn't want them there.

The upshot is they don't bother with they're Dad anymore,they're 16 and 18 now so they're choice.But I gave them that choice when they were a lot younger as well.I'd hate for them to think they had to go somewhere where they didn't feel welcome,weren't looked after properly and felt uncomfortable.

When he was being useless and they were younger and still wanted to see they're Dad my DH had a word with him about the lack of food and lack of doing anything with them(I try to avoid him at all costs,he's very sleazy around me)and it did improve for a few years.

If you feel he won't listen to you about your worries is there someone else that could speak to him?

Why on earth wouldn't you let an 8 year old make toast? I could make a full dinner and a cake by the time I was 10, an average 8 year old can at the very least make toast!

RE the OP, people who don't have daily care of children, even if they are parents, aren't used to the routines. Of course he should have offered more food, but its not sinister that he didn't think to, or expected the child to say if he was hungry

it's not about his capabilities but about whether he feels comfortable enough to be able to ask or to help himself. If he doesn't then a room full of bread and fifty toasters won't be of any use.

and what a pathetic excise re routine. You do t need a degree in order to realise if you have a guest you offer food. You would have yo live on another planet to lot realise lunch is somewhere between 11.30 and 2.30.

god my kids could have told you at two. If you had a cat you need to feed it.

Quite often at the weekends we just have a bacon or sausage sandwich at 10-11ish then no other set meal until dinner time.
Sometimes the DC will have had fruit or yoghurt before and sometimes crisps, fruit, biscuits etc later at about 3ish.

I think the issue is whether DS didn't think to ask or felt he couldn't ask.

Quarter past five Worra, I did dinner when we got in. I did say but double-posted so buried it. We wouldn't normally eat till about six.

Ahh Ok, sorry I missed that

But if he ate his dinner at 5.15 and needed some toast 30 minutes later, are you sure you're feeding him enough dinner?

My X and eldest DC both have ADHD. She frequently comes home starving and IME it's either because they both became so absorbed in something else that they forgot to eat OR she did have a lot more to eat but forgot about it.

I once phoned him to tell him off for only giving her hummus and carrot sticks all day and he said, "but she had four yogurts, beans on toast and a big bowl of porridge too today!". Gave me a red face!

OP if you're worried I would a) send some cereal bars in DS's bag with him so he has food if he needs it and, b) ask XH if he could please teach DS how to use the toaster as, "he's been asking and asking and I never find time/ours isn't working right and might electrocute him/some other excuse". That way positive steps towards your DS getting enough to eat are being taken and you didn't have to complain about parenting standards.

IME some people aren't very good at looking after little helpless kids, and sometimes helping the kid to be less helpless is the most useful thing you can do.

Giles, the making toast responses were to the poster who was agog at allowing an 8 year old (any 8 year old, not specifically OP's), not it direct response to the problem at hand.

and what a pathetic excise re routine. You do t need a degree in order to realise if you have a guest you offer food. You would have yo live on another planet to lot realise lunch is somewhere between 11.30 and 2.30.

this is just silly. Do you really thing everyone eats to the same schedule? Many people on a sunday would have brunch and then sunday dinner, and not breakfast lunch and dinner at usual times.
You don;t need to live on another planet to not always eat lunch between 11.30 and 2.30, you just need to be, y'know, not YOU.

presumably by eight he's well aware the kids at school and is used to , you know, lunch????

He was up before him stands yo reason the kid might actually get hungry. how difficult could it have been to offer him some food ffs.

your excusing laziness and being inconsiderate. He did t feed him. Ffs. The kid had had a bacon roll in the 11 hours he'd been up. How can you excuse that.

He might not've realised he was hungry if he was absorbed in pc games. I never used to eat until my tummy was roaring with hunger when I was young if I was doing something better. Eating was a chore. Suddenly it dawned on me I was hungry and I would devour a horse!

Ds3 is 8 and is often happy with a bacon or sausage sandwich at 10/11 ish and his dinner at 6pm. I would normally offer him fruit, yogurt or crackers and cheese in the afternoon or if we were out he might have hot chocolate or a ice cream but he often declines. He is always hungry at dinner time and eats well then. However if he doesn't feel able to ask or help himself to something that's not good enough. Ds always has a water bottle that he refills himself. could you send your ds with one and a cereal bar for the morning if he's up before his Dad and is hungry.

I'm not excusing that. But you are being ridiculous. Do you honestly beleive everyone eats three meals a day, every day, at set times? Because that is NONSENSE.

You don't know he didn't offer him some food. You are going on a second hand account from a child through a parent, on the internet, and getting all worked up and talking balls.

Who said anything about three meals a day. Just saying that if a kids been up since 6 then at some point he's going to be hungry

it never ceases to amaze me the shitty behaviour MN excuses. I'm surprised no one's asked if he can actually afford food.

People suggesting the kid make his own toast or ask for food or pack cereal bars are completely missing the point that someone should be able to send their child to tenor dad's house and expect them to either be offered food or feel comfortable enough to ask.

It would have taken seconds for the dad to throw a bag of crisps at him.

It's also not acceptable Imo for a child to be allowed to play computer games all day to the point neither of them. remember to eat.

He clearly was hungry as he devoured meal plus toast when he got home. so anyone else's eating schedule is irrelevant.

Oh lord. Nobody excused it. Just saying that there may be another explanation for it, other than the one you have decided inside your head.
Seriously, do you always get so worked up about the eating habits of the kids of randoms online? He might not even exist.