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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is not enough food for an eight year old?

73 replies

mindalina · 14/02/2015 17:29

Picked DS up from his dad's, DS says he's starving can we have dinner straight away. Came home and put the dinner on and I asked what he's had to eat today and he said he had a bacon sandwich for breakfast and lunch and two cups of tea all day. That's one bacon sandwich for both breakfast AND lunch, not two separate bacon sandwiches. I don't want to ask prying questions of DS but I suspect what's happening here is that the lazy fucker ex is not getting up till lunchtime or just before, hence DS not getting breakfast.

AIBU? I don't think this is good enough.

OP posts:
Frusso · 14/02/2015 18:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ragged · 14/02/2015 18:41

er, yeah, I let my 6yo make toast unsupervised. Is this an Internet crime?

JudgeRinderSays · 14/02/2015 18:41

Do people really let eight-year-olds make toast unsupervised?

Confused of course!

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/02/2015 18:42

With some eight year old children and on some days, that would be enough. That doesn't mean that food shouldn't be offered at appropriate times. I'd be pissed off about his liquid intake as well. Salty food and just tea to drink? Unacceptable.

Stillwishihadabs · 14/02/2015 18:43

Dd is 8 she has hollow legs just now. No way would this be enough for her, we haven't eaten yet (because dh has disappeared on a mission). So far today she has had : a hot chocolate first thing (6:45) pancakes (2) at 9 with juice. A piece of fruit around 11. Soup and bread (?3 slices) at 1. A vanilla crown pastry thing after swimming at 4:30.

Stillwishihadabs · 14/02/2015 18:46

Oh water to drink with lunch and throughout the days obvs.

mamapain · 14/02/2015 18:47

I'd expect a 6 year old to be able to make toast themselves, so yes definitely an 8 year old.

The way it sounds is as if, they had breakfast, then got engrossed in computer or whatever it was they were doing, when that was interrupted because it was time for DS to go to yours, he probably started to realise he was hungry. At this point I imagine it was too late to make him a meal and as you sad you plan dinner for just after, Ex probably figured you will be feeding him asap anyway.

I don't think its anything of note if its not a regular occurrence, I easily do it myself.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/02/2015 18:51

I don't think it really matters what the kids are capable of doing. Dd could easily sort herself something.

BUT It's my job as a parent to actually provide her with opportunities and food to eat.

He obviously doesn't feel comfortable asking for food or helping himself to food or even getting his dad up as 4 hours is a long time. He was bound to have been hungry after two.

DamnBamboo · 14/02/2015 19:02

Do people really let eight-year-olds make toast unsupervised?

Do people really think that this is unreasonable?

Fuckmath · 14/02/2015 19:02

His dad should bee offering 3 meals a day, yanbu.

Yes the lad I'm sure is capable of making himself toast or whatever but I don't think it's very nice or welcoming of his own dad to just leave him to it. The dad needs to make more effort. Poor little guy.

TiredButFine · 14/02/2015 19:03

OP I really feel for your son.
I started making myself cereal in the morning before I was 3, as I was up early and particularly independent, I was also a total starver who would eat all day (still am!)
however, a few times around age 8/9, staying with relatives who didn't hve kids who just forgot to feed me. Being a polite child, I would never have helped myself from the kitchen. I remeber asking about lunch and being told "in a bit" or "your mum will be here soon" and so I just left it then devoured half the house when I got home
I think a few emergency cereal bars in the bag is the best way, as well as encouraging him that it's ok to speak up and ask for lunch/food even if it's not offered

DamnBamboo · 14/02/2015 19:03

I don't offer my kids three set meals a day.
We tend to eat when we're hungry.
This often corresponds with standard mealtimes, but not always.
There's no rule that says breakfast, lunch and then dinner!

FindoGask · 14/02/2015 19:05

My seven year old can make toast unsupervised, Uncle. I didn't realise it was so unusual.

Stillwishihadabs · 14/02/2015 19:09

I think you need to ask your son outright. Was he hungry and there was no food ? Could he ask ?I agree his Dad needs to provide enough food. It doesn't need to be three meals a day, but at the very least he should have acess to fruit and bread with something to go on it.

UncleT · 14/02/2015 19:24

Well it depends - operating a toaster is pretty easy sure, but having recently heard a ten year old say that making toast was simple and you needed to turn it off at the wall before putting the knife in to get the toast out it made me consider the subject further.

Original poster
mindalina · 14/02/2015 19:34

Haha - DS can't actually make toast, but only because we don't have a toaster and I'm definitely not letting an eight year old dick around with the grill. If his dad has, I'm sure he'd only need showing how once! He's perfectly capable of putting together a sandwich, he's even fine at buttering as long as the butter's soft enough. If it happens again I'll mention to ex about letting ds have access to breakfast things to sort himself out and to ds about remembering not to get so absorbed in the games that he's not eating and drinking enough. Hopefully that will do it.

I'm well aware the computer situation is pretty dreadful but it's beyond my control and all I can do is make sure there are sensible limits at home.

Tiredbutfine I know what you mean but this is his dad! It's the last person he should feel like that around; it really concerns me to think he might be feeling like that.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this isn't great - but I'm also glad to hear about all these children who eat less and don't starve Grin

OP posts:
ragged · 14/02/2015 19:37

We got a toaster because I didn't want 6yo mucking about with grill.
My DC are too wimpy to think of putting something in the toaster to get it out. They come find me instead.
My 10yo is finally learning to slice bagels with a big knife (being taught by 6yo brother).

SuperFlyHigh · 14/02/2015 19:49

Even if I wasn't toast then I'm sure your ex could supply milk and cereal and juice or whatever beverage for breakfast.

SuperFlyHigh · 14/02/2015 19:49

It not I!

Jennifersrabbit · 14/02/2015 19:53

My 8 year old would be very hungry with just that all day. He is capable of helping himself to wildly unsuitable food, but I would definitely think it my job to check in at appropriate intervals to see if he needed/wanted food (assuming I wasn't doing normal family meals for some reason)

ghostspirit · 14/02/2015 21:18

i forgot to feed my kids couple weeks ago. i sat on the sofa with my jacket pototoe. eating it and then they said whats for dinner mummy sod knows how i managed that one.

maddy68 · 14/02/2015 21:31

Tbf I had 1 bacon sandwich before my dinner tonight.

amicissimma · 14/02/2015 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve · 14/02/2015 22:34

One bacon sarnie in the almost 12 hours he was up?

My 8yo would never tolerate that. Never mind making toast (which he can't do, for very good reason, but if he could, I'd let him), he'd be eating the bread straight from the bag. And he does get himself a drink of water, if he wants one, so long as we leave a cup where he doesn't have to scale the kitchen cupboards to reach it.

TiredButFine · 14/02/2015 22:39

Mindalina yes but both my auntie and my step mum, both who I loved hanging out with, forgot to feed me!
And for a fun period a few years later my DF insisted that I'd only be eating at his if my DM sent lunch with me on saturday visits (I am NC with him now!)