There is a nun in my seat

[Azquilith]

Reserved. Train chocka. AIBU to ask her to move?

Black Narcissus

my mate was laid up after a boob job and asked me to lend her some videos

I kindly lent her that one

she never said thanks, the ungrateful cow

Rude sorts like that don't serve firm new boobs. Tell her that a simple thank you would have saved her life and then shove her out a window.

she probably thought it was a nightmare induced by post op painkillers

muddha it's a Thing! After 3 years looking after twins, I quite fancy it too. Aye allright you need to get up at 5am or whatever but at least you get to wee in peace and nobody makes you watch early morning Cbeebies.

TheCunnyFunt - actually crying with laughter here! Thank you, your joke realy cheered me up.

I live next door to Carmelite's, they nicked our wheelie bin on bin day because they couldn't find theirs.
They were most indignant when I asked for it back!

I used to work in Boots the Chemists as a Saturday job when I was still at school and for some reason used to be fascinated when they turned up mob- handed to buy sanitary towels in bulk.

The funniest thing I ever saw involved 2 nuns, it was like a comedy sketch.
We were sitting in a caf having a cup of tea, looking out of the window and a car pulled up across the road and bumped into the car behind as it reversed.
2 nuns got out, one kept nicks while the other looked at the bumper of the car they'd backed into that was hanging off. They looked around to see if anybody had seen them and got into car drove round block and parked on other side of the street.
Got out and wandered off to do their Godly duties.
I know they were real nuns as the convent was very nearby

I once had a seat booked going from Runcorn to London, going back to uni in Brighton. Don't know where the train originated from but when I got on it was PACKED.

Got on at the correct end of the correct carriage for my booking, staggered to my seat to find ... a breastfeeding mother, with a VERY young baby. Took one look at her and turned back to sit on my bag near the rancid toilet.

5 minutes later, guard comes along. "You can't sit there, love". Told him I had a res, but someone was sat there. The guard did what I can only describe as a railway employee's version of a boob hoike and marched down the carriage with my res ticket in hand, a look of steely determination on his face ... 60 seconds later he comes back.

"Follow me!"

I thought I was about to be chucked off the train or something. It was only my second or third foray to London from the NW, and I was still getting used to it all.

We marched our way through 3 carriages.

He stopped. "Sit there - do you want tea or coffee?"

FIRST CLASS?!?! I never wanted that journey to end!! And now, 19 years later, remember it fondly!!

Nun joke:

You can kiss a nun once.

You can kiss a nun twice.
But you mustn't get I to the habit!

Ba doom-tish!

Learned at my father's knee - and other low joints!

Im pissing myself here.God if doesnt get in to Classics yous are all heathens.
Im Catholic[just] and used to have them in Primary and they where evil [apart from 1 nun who was really lovely.]
You are going to hell and im probably joining you for all the laughing.

Nun of these jokes are funny they are really but I couldn't think of anything else to say

I used to know a really good joke that went something like blah blah blah a nun (maybe 2?) blah blah blah, flip top head. But I've forgotten it.

But it was really funny!

Am I the only one wondering if the "unattended bag" announcements are worth it? Note to any would-be-terrorists, dress as a nun, dump your bag, and wander off.

The vampire joke is the funniest thing ive heard in a billion years!

She might not have been a real nun. She might have been on her way to Singalonga Sound of Music.

Two nuns riding their bicycles down the street.

One nun turns to the other and says, "You know, Sister, I've never come this way before."

The other nun replies, "Yes, it's the cobblestones."

She wasn't an Anglican nun, she was clearly a roaming Catholic.

I was caught by a super cute old Italian (I think) nun taking a cheeky "nun selfie" when I was at St. Peter's basilica in Rome last year. She busted me. Took my phone and took a proper selfie with me. Legend.

There were loads of nuns there that day - never found out whether it was a special event or just a regular Sunday.

Have also hugged a nun. At my granddads funeral. He was looked after in a nursing home run by nuns. They all attended his funeral. Afterwards one came up and chatted for a while. When she left I thanked her for looking after him then hugged her goodbye. Wasn't sure what else to do.

Ha! My joke made it on the FB!

They were clearly on the run.

Surely we need, 'two nuns in the bath, one says, "where's the soap?" And the other one says, "yes it does rather doesn't it!"'

Oh Just, that one was done already.

Nun of you have recommended this for classics?

Now I know Nuns are supposed to be all trusting and a little unworldly but she left her laptop and luggage unattended on another seat down the carriage and it was still there when she went back for it?