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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wonder if parents evening is just a waste of everyones time

71 replies

redandwhitetoadstool · 12/02/2015 21:33

all the teachers seem to say is every child is wonderful
year 3 btw

no personalised advice at all, just generic handouts

OP posts:

dragdownthemoon · 13/02/2015 08:24

I dislike parents evening. I figure if I had any concerns I would have raised them with the teacher already, and hopefully vice versa, I wouldn't wait until a rushed 10 minute generic meeting to talk about my concerns. With my eldest who is "ahead" of where he should be it is always just a yes he is doing well. With my younger who is "behind" it is are you doing enough at home. So I come away feeling guilty because I have obviously let the younger one down by not doing as much as I have with the older one.

I dread parents evening.

All I want to know is that they are happy and safe. Any major concerns I would discuss when I had more time with the teacher.

Original poster

redandwhitetoadstool · 13/02/2015 09:08

Yes asked quite a few questions

All meet with totally fine or great

When asked what x needs to work on or how she/he could improve
Just get the generic handout

OP posts:

projecting · 13/02/2015 09:12

I think it can be a waste of time. I also think reports are a waste of time.

I say that as an ex teacher.

Reports can't be detailed because of time constraints, so you get a handful of generic phrases.

Same with parent's evening. Yep, everythings, fine, maybe one or two targets given for the next term.

If there's a problem then the parents should be having more and more in depth conversations with the teachers anyway. If everything's fine then, well why do you need to meet?

littlemslazybones · 13/02/2015 09:12

We get 5 mins. It's in a big noisy hall. The teachers have clocks on their desks. It's killed shit speed dating.

littlemslazybones · 13/02/2015 09:13

Killed= like.

projecting · 13/02/2015 09:14

As a parent I would ignore parent's evenings completely and instead make m own mid year appointment after school with the teacher. Then you'll be sure of a clear half hour to discuss progress.

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 09:32

I'm sure the teacher loves that projecting- (trying to imagine 30 days of half hour slots)

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 09:43

As a teacher I would nip that one firmly in the bud. Have an appointment to discuss a specific problem,but give you the dates of parent's evening if you want to discuss progress.

Floggingmolly · 13/02/2015 09:43

I do that too, projecting. I'm sure the teacher does wish I'd fuck off and die; but tough...

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 09:44

The teacher's workload is heavy enough.

SaucyJack · 13/02/2015 09:47

YANBU. At our school they are very individualised but they only seem to be allowed to say nice, positive things. Any concerns just get brushed off.

I barely recognise my own child from her parents evening. The end of year reports are brutally honest tho!

Floggingmolly · 13/02/2015 09:48

Oh, you're a teacher, Meh I'm obviously a teacher's worst nightmare; I've actually grabbed one on the bus once...
Mind you,that was after she'd dithered about granting me a 5 minute slot after school to discuss something that I, at least, considered important and didn't think could wait 2 months until the next parents evening.
After a very informative 10 minute journey on the number 267; she never risked that again.

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 09:54

It needs a firm Head to put a stop to it. Teachers are leaving in droves because of the workload. If forced I would give them the 10 mins everyone else has- with a clock so that they knew I had other things to get on with - or put all these mid term people on the same day.

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 09:55

On the bus would be fine- it is one time that I have nothing to do.

Iggly · 13/02/2015 09:56

Yabu

You get out of it what you put in surely. Arm yourself with questions beforehand.

PetraDelphiki · 13/02/2015 09:59

It would be really useful if you could know in advance which teachers had anything other than " nothing much to say " to tell you... Them you wouldn't need to see them (unless you had a problem with their subject) saving time for everyone!!!

DopeyDawg · 13/02/2015 10:00

Euphemia - not all of Scotland!

We get cut and pasted 'reports' (sometimes they forget to change the name!)

5mins of 'what do you want to know?' said aggressively followed by flannel of he/she is 'fine' in all areas.

And the teachers bitch to the kids all week about 'having to come in and speak to your parents - you'd better be good - I am giving up my evening'

projecting · 13/02/2015 10:01

I'm a teacher and regularly see my classes parents after school. I have no issue with it, especially if its just once or twice a year.

SecretSquirrels · 13/02/2015 10:06

I have done a lot of parents' evenings and DS2 is now in Y12 (sixth form college).
At primary school it was all very gentle and relaxed. Teacher saying lots of positive stuff.
Secondary school changed and we were sent a report with grades for effort and achievement in advance. The discussion was then very focussed on grades and what was needed to maintain or improve.
Now into A levels and I find the parents evenings more useful than ever. As before we get all the grades in advance. The discussion involves DS and he is given very detailed advice about how to achieve the best possible marks.

Anyone with specific problems or more pastoral concerns should make a separate appointment when the teacher won't have 20 other parents in the queue.
yes the one who took 40 minutes instead of 5 with the poor young physics teacher who couldn't shake them off

unlucky83 · 13/02/2015 10:07

Usually worthwhile - sometime when all is well I'm at a loss to think of something to talk about - Very different in primary to secondary though. DD1's secondary is quite big -so the teachers see a lot of pupils, I thought they might not know DD1 but so far bar one they all do seem to know her and it has been constructive...she has been there 3 yrs now though.
Last year I had one where she told me she did two subjects -and asked which child was I there to talk about and which subject (she had an appt sheet FGS!!). She obviously had no idea of who my DD was (and there are DC photo's available if they don't recognise a name) She then pulled up a spreadsheet and said she couldn't find DD1s result -she must have been off on the day of the assessment...I said that was very unlikely as she had only missed 1 day in the year...she looked again, found her and said she got x% so she is doing well ...the same assessment result that had been in the report we got two weeks before ....this time I told DD not to bother making an appointment with that teacher (it isn't one of her main subjects) - then after thought I bet that suited the teacher down to the ground - most parents thinking it was a waste of their time, less parents to see....
My only criticism is that this time we only got the reports after they had already started making appts - the pupils make them in class and apparently the teachers don't have space to see every child they teach (and I'm sure crafty DCs 'will not be able to' make appts with teachers who are going to be critical of them...)
Also they have to make big choices this year - and apparently the teachers didn't even know the options etc...it went on the website the day of the parent's evening...meant that you had no idea if they could choose that subject or if it clashed with another one and if it did target questions to find out which they would be better to take.
(And similar thing happened in the first year)

Scholes34 · 13/02/2015 10:11

It was ten minutes in primary school. At secondary it's now three minutes. You can actually get through quite a lot in three minutes. One very organised teacher has his iPad set to count down the three minutes. We covered everything we needed to say and more. One not so organised teacher spent most of her time telling us why three minutes wasn't long enough and was over-running, so parents were starting to miss appointments with her because of the long queues.

Parents evenings are especially good as your child progresses through secondary. We always take the DC. It's good for them to hear first hand what they're doing well and what's expected of them, and for the teacher to look them in the eye when progress hasn't been as expected, too much talking in class, etc. Comments are always positive and constructive and the management team of the school is always on hand if you want to catch them too on more general matters.

What message does it give to your children if you don't go to parents' evening?

Scholes34 · 13/02/2015 10:13

We have an on-line booking system for making appointments.

You can ensure the teacher knows who they're talking about by having your DC with you.

GaryShitpeas · 13/02/2015 10:15

Agree 100% with the op

There's nothing that could possibly be construed as negative at any of my dc parents evening

And I'm not thick. My dc are lovely but They are not the best behaved kids and not the cleverest either, just be honest with me fgs

bigmouthstrikesagain · 13/02/2015 10:18

Had ds parents eve (yr6) last night - it was worthwhile despite the trials of dragging three unwilling children round the chaos. Ds teachers had some feedback for how he could improve - better involvement in group work, improving legibility of handwriting. And as ds had returned from school yesterday practically in tears due to a detention given by his science teacher it was helpful to see his science teacher that evening and get to bottom of it all. Ds and teacher were on much better terms after our chat.

Mehitabel6 · 13/02/2015 10:24

I don't see the point if you are not honest. All mine have been very honest-warts and all!

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