Need a rant about hen dos (yes another one)

[DuchessofCuntbridge]

Ladies - when did Hen Dos become such a massive deal that they require us to fork out our life savings for such pleasures as unwanted manicures, pruned hands, small talk, awkward room sharing issues and overpriced cocktails in musty clubs?

I've been asked to pay £200 for a weekend in a house in the country. There are about 20 girls so we're talking a total of £4000).

Price includes entry to a spa with one glass of champagne and a 30 min massage, the house (shared rooms - some will have sofa beds only) for 2 nights, some food and a few bottles of bubbles on the first night and possibly transport to a meal on the second night. It does not include transport there and back, a meal out on the second night, food/drink at the spa, any other drinks on either night (a night out is planned), transport back from a night out (to the middle of nowhere...) or anything for the final day when people will leave around afternoon-time. So overall, I think we're looking at £350 or so before I have even attended the wedding.

To make matters worse I am unlikely to make it until about midnight on the first night as I live further away than anyone. So said bubbles and food is unlikely to be waiting for me. This has been mentioned and conveniently ignored.

Not going is not an option, btw, as this is DH's DSis and he is very keen that I go. DH is actually paying for half of it because I got so angry about the assumption that I have so much money to just spare!

A friend has just informed me that she has also been asked to cough up £250 for a different hen weekend in the country with a similar set up, though I understand that food is included at that one.

Neither bride knows about these hen dos - they are to be surprises.

Why is this now the norm? My theory is that hens are always organised by chief bridesmaids, who are best friends or sisters of the bride... to them the wedding will be the biggest event of the year as its their bestie or sister, so they want the full works. However, they never seem to consider the rest of us poor schleps who end up spending obscene amounts of money for something that, actually, isn't anywhere near as huge an event in our lives...

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH

Last one I went on was a weekend in Ireland. To be fair the bride is Irish and her family are there. So we had flights, hotel, food, booze and it probably did cost me the best part of £500 nearly 10 years ago. I am never sharing a double bed with a woman I've only just met ever again though.

I'm definitely keeping it simple when we finally get round to it. A weekend with just 3 of my closest friends doing nothing much more than relaxing, gossiping and drinking vast quantities of wine. Probably at my best mates house as she has enough bedrooms for one each

I've not gone on hen do's in the past if money happened to be tight. I've also gone along on hen do's to places/done stuff that wasn't 'my cup of tea' because that was what my friend who was getting married wanted to do. Unlike some on here i dont go on that many-the last one I went on was 3years ago. I'm puzzled by the outrage by some on here that they have been 'forced' to go on a hen do. It's the same with weddings - how dare people get married far away/on a weekday/too early in the morning. Easy-dont go. And when you have a special occasion/event in your life that might mean something to you dont be surprised that people may not show up or if they do that they make it totally clear they are unimpressed by how much you have inconvenienced them...

A friend of mine went on a hen do that was making hand-made chocolates - it didn't cost a King's ransom, and everyone had a great time!

My hen do was a meal in the pub where I spent the night before the wedding - it was a lovely evening, and I got to spend time with people who were all very special to me. I deliberately chose to do it the night before the wedding because all the people I wanted there would already have travelled down for the wedding, so it didn't involve extra expenditure on travel and accomodation.

I think more people need to start refusing to spend their life savings/annual holiday budgets on these do's. If enough people do this, they will fall out of favour.

Oh, and any bride who gets the hump because someone can't afford to spend, spend, spend on her hen do and wedding, needs a good hard slap, and to be made to do her whole wedding on a budget of thruppence ha'penny!

I wouldn't object to them so much if they were more like stag dos - go karts, firing ranges, strippers and shots

Crazy
My mates was £100. But we went on Friday, came back Monday am
Friday we had an 80s theme night in with twister, buckaroo etc. Sat we had an afternoon tea party then went out at night, sunday we just hung out
Was a little mini break, gorgeous lodge, loads of room to spread out and just really relaxed
Might sound OTT but for £100 it was a bargain

I would rather give myself an enema than go on a hen do.

What ever happened to just getting shitfaced and making the bride to be eat a banana out of some geezers crotch.

Well, there's two alternative ideas for hen nights.

'Not going is not an option, btw, as this is DH's DSis and he is very keen that I go. DH is actually paying for half of it because I got so angry about the assumption that I have so much money to just spare!'

It's not a court summons. 'No, that is far out of our budget range.'

If the bride doesn't know, what would she think of the expense? Would she feel embarrassed by this? If so, tell her as she may be able to reign it in a bit.

When does the bride actually get told that this hideous weekend long extravaganza is happening in her dishonour? She must know at some point.

She will be your sis in law soon and if you don't go it will always be remembyered. you are right it is far too expensive and cheeky to expect but on this occassion i think you should grin and bear it.

My Niece had her Hen night last Saturday.We had a lovely meal in a gastro/pub/bar thingie,then went on to the pub where she and her DF met and had a few more drinks.Sounds rather tame compered to some Hen stuff but there was no hassle,no falling out and no one was out of pocket.We had a lovely night.

Oh gosh, I'm dreading this situation in a couple of years. A very close friend is getting married. I'm a bridesmaid. She wants to go to Spain for her hen party. I've no idea how much that is going to cost. And even if by then I could afford to pay for that kind of hen party, it's the principle really. I'm of the school of thought that people shouldn't occur any huge expenses for someone else's decision to get married! I went to a hen party which was a dinner and a few drinks. Cost me about £40 at the most and everyone had a lovely time. Why do people want to go abroad and turn it in to a short holiday? I would look unreasonable if I don't go though.

Overseas hen do? Sorry, didn't realise my passport had expired

It's crazy to expect people to spend hundreds of pounds on these things. I declined an invite for this exact reason but in my case it was bridesmaidzilla that piled on the pressure & guilt trips! Initially it was abroad @ roughly £600 without food/drink/planned activities then moved to the uk but became ridiculous to the point of being more expensive than initial plan. 5 out of 26 invitees attended but didn't downsize plans for lesser numbers. Apartment for 2 nights - £250, transport £120, tickets £25, activities £200, food & drink £300, hen gifts £50, hair & makeup (booked by bridesmaidzilla) £50. Then outfits etc on top, well over £1000!

No you haven't been 'required' to fork out that much, you've been invited. Don't go if you don't want to, but don't have a pop at someone for daring to invite you .

Your issue here is your dh, not the hen organiser. Just because one person doesn't want to do it, doesn't mean no one should! I'm going on one in a couple of months, can't bloody wait.

chocolateorsalad you might want to think carefully about how to handle that situation...a few months ago I fell out with a very old friend who put me in a similar situation re hen-do abroad/asking for contribution to outfit/hair etc. I bit my tongue for a fair few months but the last straw was the fallout over her 2nd hen do (in this country) which was also going to cost a fortune and I put my foot down. Full bridezilla mode kicked in (wasn't pretty!) and now I'm no longer a bridesmaid...and we are no longer friends. I feel better for it, as that kind of grasping, me, me, me attitude makes me feel queasy (and it was building up for years) but it was very final not to mention harsh way to end the friendship.

Sorry for thread hijack

Crazy money. Weddings seem to have turned into three ring circuses with elaborate hen nights, overnight stays, day after barbecues, not to mention bloody destination weddings that involve flights, hotels, several days leave from work etc.

Some people really need to calm down and realise that their/their sister's/best friend's wedding might be the biggest thing going on in their life at the moment, but other people really have other things to do with their money and time and don't want to spend hundreds of pounds and several days on celebrations.

That's sad catlover, for your friendship to end that way. Can't believe she wanted a second hen do!

My friend briefly mentioned the Spain hen-do plan in front of a group of us, all of whom would be invited. No-one objected so I've no idea if they're happy with it or thinking the same as me. I think if I didn't go, I would be the only one not to. I'm not friends with any of the others that would be going, I only know them through this friend. But I know they all regularly have holidays abroad and weekend breaks, none of them have children, and they all live at home or with partners, so AFAIK, no major outgoings, so they probably won't object to spending £££ on a hen-do. I could be wrong of course, but that's what I know of them so I'm only assuming really. I'm a SAHM, have one DC, last went on holiday pre-DC. But as I said, even if I could afford it, I still don't think it's right for brides to expect people to pay hundreds if not more to celebrate their choice to get married.

Did you post a thread about it all, catlover? I seem to recall one where it was going to cost £1500+ to be a bridesmaid.

Someone who falls out over a mate who cannot afford to stump that up or who doesn't want to is no friend of all.

That's awful. If I were the bride I'd be mortified of the cost! She probably doesn't know how much is being expected to be stumped up! Maybe you should forewarn her and she may tell bridesmaidzilla to rein it in a bit?

My friend organised a hen do last year and everyone was moaning about contributing £25 for the entire night and wanted a full breakdown of what they'd get for their £25 then nit picked at everything, I felt hugely sorry for my friend organising it, would love to see their faces if they were asked to stump up £200 for what sounds like a really shitty weekend

I went to the pub. Different back in the day, but hen/stag weddings are big business these day and sound utterly dreadful too.. Seems you need to take out a bank loan nowadays to afford anything!

You commonly hear people whine, 'We can't afford to get married,' and what they really mean is they can't put on the ridiculous machination that is many weddings presently because getting married costs the license and hall time. You don't even need rings, and any family who moans about that kind of wedding is free to pay for an alternative.

'She will be your sis in law soon and if you don't go it will always be remembyered. '

A very good thing, IMO, for the OP to make it clear they are not there to have to piss ripped out of them by cheekiness like this.

Pootles2010 it's not necessarily about how lovely it is to be invited, of course it's nice to be invited - it's the impossibility of keeping up with this new thing of having to do something so extravagant and expensive. Last year 4 of our friend couples got married, luckily all but one had low key hen dos and we had a great time. If they had all opted for the big blow out hen weekends, it would have cost near into the thousands just for me to attend hen dos, never mind the stag dos and the weddings. So the option is bankrupt yourself, choose which one of your friends hen dos you're going to and risk upsetting the others, or not going to any at all. If it was me I would rather have everyone I love there with me on my hen do than just the people who have hundreds to spare. Not everyone is made of money.

Yanbu

What really gets to me is that the baby boomers managed to escape these hen dos as well as getting a bus pass