Need a rant about hen dos (yes another one)

[DuchessofCuntbridge]

Ladies - when did Hen Dos become such a massive deal that they require us to fork out our life savings for such pleasures as unwanted manicures, pruned hands, small talk, awkward room sharing issues and overpriced cocktails in musty clubs?

I've been asked to pay £200 for a weekend in a house in the country. There are about 20 girls so we're talking a total of £4000).

Price includes entry to a spa with one glass of champagne and a 30 min massage, the house (shared rooms - some will have sofa beds only) for 2 nights, some food and a few bottles of bubbles on the first night and possibly transport to a meal on the second night. It does not include transport there and back, a meal out on the second night, food/drink at the spa, any other drinks on either night (a night out is planned), transport back from a night out (to the middle of nowhere...) or anything for the final day when people will leave around afternoon-time. So overall, I think we're looking at £350 or so before I have even attended the wedding.

To make matters worse I am unlikely to make it until about midnight on the first night as I live further away than anyone. So said bubbles and food is unlikely to be waiting for me. This has been mentioned and conveniently ignored.

Not going is not an option, btw, as this is DH's DSis and he is very keen that I go. DH is actually paying for half of it because I got so angry about the assumption that I have so much money to just spare!

A friend has just informed me that she has also been asked to cough up £250 for a different hen weekend in the country with a similar set up, though I understand that food is included at that one.

Neither bride knows about these hen dos - they are to be surprises.

Why is this now the norm? My theory is that hens are always organised by chief bridesmaids, who are best friends or sisters of the bride... to them the wedding will be the biggest event of the year as its their bestie or sister, so they want the full works. However, they never seem to consider the rest of us poor schleps who end up spending obscene amounts of money for something that, actually, isn't anywhere near as huge an event in our lives...

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHH

it's like '£10 will buy clean drinking water for a month' except it was '£100 will buy us dinner at this michelin starred restaurant!'

Snort.

I didn't have a hen do. I dread being invited to one.

Everything's overdone these days. Leaver's proms for 11 year olds with stretch limos, WTF? Hen and stag parties that last for days and cost several hundreds, babymoons, baby showers,gender reveal parties (once again - WTF? Can no-one just wait until the poor child is born anymore?) weddings where the B&G and the wedding party all have to perform some Oscar worthy song and dance routine…God, it almost makes me relieved to be old. Being young sounds exhausting and really fucking expensive.

I'm against capital punishment but I'd bring back hanging for anyone who calls sparkling wine "bubbles"

(Misses point of thread)

YANBU OP. Especially because there's a whole weight of guilt and expectation that you'll make every effort to attend the hen and need a good excuse not to. If someone was just arranging a girls weekend away I'd have no problem saying no but usually people realise that I could afford it if it was something I really wanted to do but it isn't. If I'm having a weekend away I want to choose where I go and and who with.

I wouldn't do Butlins even if someone was paying me £200

Mine was just a night which I paid for so nobody was out of pocket celebrating with me. Things can get very out of hand cost wise for guests.

Especially as most hen weekends involve spending lots of intensive time with the brides' female relatives and other friends who you might not even know or have anything in common with at all. If you are going to spend lots of money on a weekend away it needs to be doing what you want, with who you want to spend it with.

I think there should be an anti-hen weekend backlash.

bride's

can't let a wrongly places apostrophe go uncorrected.

Whenever I hear people discussing bubbles this comes to mind!!!!!

And actually, that would be a hen do I'd definately go to

But this is the thing! We all agree! We all know that a nice time involves a drink and a cackle and probably some food, all at a reasonable price according to circumstances. And yet we're all constantly press-ganged into bubbles and nibbles and sodding BUNTING. Just say no, everybody. Make it stop.

I went out locally for a night with my girlfriends. We all got shitfaced, it was great. All it cost was drinks in pub/club.
I made £90 quid though thanks to my mates charging a quid for a kiss

Shaska - totally agree about the need to make it stop however before we tackle the horror of the weekend away hen do can we address the fecking greedy and totally money grabbing Americanism that is THE BABY SHOWER

Now that's a whole different thread of entitlement and crap.

Sounds ridiculously expensive. Last one I organised was at the bride's house and £50 a head for the caterers, wine and entertainment. She said it was perfect :). I dread bride's saying they are having a 'cottage' for the weekend. It's always in the arse end of nowhere and hideously pricey. Plus I grew up in the country and a cold twee house (they always look like a cheap b&b inside) is no treat. Crammed in with a load of women I'm never going to see again and an expensive taxi ride to get anywhere. Never again!

In my day a few drinks and a meal were the hen night.

I would simply say you cannot afford £350 for one night. And not go.

One of my worst plance journeys to see family in Spain was on a SleazyJet flight full of hens, some of whom were well past retirement age. Pissed as farts. loud, cackling and vulgar and glugging their own booze until they got told off by the cabin crew.

Can sparkling wine be called "FIzz" Or is that as bad as bubbles|||||!

That sounds like my idea of a total nightmare amothers. I'd have had a cat's bum face on me like you wouldn't believe.

I understand why people don't want to go on these hen weekends.

I understand why people think it's ridiculous to make such a fuss and expect people to spend so much money.

I don't know why people are furious, affronted etc etc by being invited (indeed at the very idea that actually some people enjoy these weekends) and why some posters suggest such rude replies!

You don't have to angry or rude. Just say you can't go in a friendly and polite way and wish them all a fabulous weekend.

This is exactly how I feel about big hen parties.
But I'm a bridesmaid. So can't really pull out of the one I have coming up.
Clearly some people love them. God knows why.

My two sisters and I organised each other's. They were held locally to where the bride lived at the time. Those travelling from further afield had to pay travel costs (but we organised shared lifts etc) we all kipped on the bride's floor. The two where we had people travelling a long way (flights etc) we had drinks and dinner and dancing. The one where all the guests were local we did a £30 activity and got a takeaway at the brides house (paid for by the bride) with booze (paid for by the guests). The bridesmaids on each occasion paid for some silly gifts (less than £40).

We had a brilliant time on them all. Seriously, people still talk about them and one was more than 2 decades ago.

The hen night is about getting together with your mates and having a laugh.

Since when were spa days, manicures and catering required for that?

Cuddles that sounds perfect.

As much as I love spas and massages they are hardly a laugh are they? I prefer to do things like that on my own anyway.

Don't go. Offer to take sil out for day or something. Just say it's too far away and too expensive. Unless u r very friendly with sil I can't imagine she would be that fussed if u didn't attend

Bloody hell. It used to a night on the lash down the Bigg Market with the bride-to-be in a shit veil and an L plate.

I agree with the 'Just Say No: Make It Stop' pp.

I had a shit veil and a potty?
Was great
That was in 1994 though, everybody just went up town with the B2B dressed like a fanny.

Tara - good point! The more that we out up and stump up for these extravagant weekends, the more hens will insist upon them! My hen night was simply a night out in town and it was fab!