To be terrified as a brand new driver?

[ProvisionallyAnxious]

I've very recently passed my driving test and bought my first car. I'm technically a 'young driver' still but have started driving quite a few years later than most of the people I know. I learnt in two large chunks of lessons, one set when I was 18 but which I ended up stopping due to expense, and one more recently (different instructors). I passed my test with one minor and have always enjoyed driving on my lessons and, when I lived at home, with my parents. I was very pleased to pass as DH and I were really looking forward to being free of the bus timetables and able to travel outside of areas served by convenient public transport! DH can drive but not in this country.

I've had a couple of drives in my new car (to/from work, DH as passenger) and just feel terrified. Thinking about driving makesme feel anxious. When I'm driving I feel really worried about driving too slowly for other drivers but also don't want to go faster as I'm still getting used to the roads and the handling of the car, which is quite different from the one I learned in. The main route between my home and my work is on rural roads, mostly NSL, and very bendy and bumpy - a lot of cars go off the side of this road. Because I feel so worried I find I'm not driving as well as I did on my lessons and my parking has completely gone up the creek!

Basically, I just wanted to ask the lovely people of Mumsnet, AIBU to feel worried and a bit useless in the first few weeks of driving without an instructor? Did it take all of you some time to adjust to the experience of driving 'alone'? How long does it take for driving to start feeling enjoyable again?!

I'd be really grateful to hear your experiences.

I think this is normal. I even felt like this when I got a new car, and I have been driving for years! I think you need to stop worrying about cars behind you, you can always pull over now and again to let them by if they are too close behind you. You will gain confidence, I promise. If necessary, you could take a few more lessons, I wonder could you do that in your own car? I am not sure. Having your own car and driving NSL are very new so takes practice. Where I am, we have a speed limit of 45mph for a year after passing the test and must display 'R' plates to identify yourself as a new driver - this works well as other drivers know your speed is restricted and why. Keep going, you are doing great or you wouldn't have passed.

Oh my twas a long time ago for me but I passed then didn't drive for months later til got car.

Pleasantly surprised I could still do it.
Panic not, it will come together. Drive at a safe speed on rural roads.

(I never drive fast on roads I don't know. And stick to speed limit on roads I do know as well. Love watching people overtake me and drive uber fast to catch lights then have to slam on breaks whilst I tootle up behind them.)

Can you ask a parent to drive with you a few times? Til you get used to car?

Just remember that you passed your test so you obviously good enough and SAFE enough. Just a wee bit of confidence now.

Go for a drive at night after rush hour when roads are quieter?

I was terrified at first too. I didn't pass til I was 32, and I've now been driving about 18 months. Just remember, the speed restriction is a limit, not a goal. You will get used to the roads, and in a few weeks you'll wonder why you were so worried

It's normal to be nervous after first passing / familiarising yourself with a new car. The important thing is to work through it and practice practice practice ! It will come in time. My dad made me drive home from the test centre alone straight after passing my test, his reasoning was I had to get used to driving without any advice / support so I may as well start now. Good luck OP

Not unreasonable at all. I booked a couple of lessons after I passed my test so that I could go out with an instructor in my new car and feel confident driving around. It really helped, so that might be an option for you?

I had kind of the same driving history as you and only passed my test two years ago.
First few weeks were scary.

Drive as much as you can and try not to worry about others. They're going to get annoyed, their problem.

And my parking was crap too. I went to a lot of empty daytime car parks and practised. I had to drive every day for school runs so no choice and it gradually fell into place. I love driving now.

Why don't you ask your instructor to do a 'Pass Plus' day with you?

DD was taken for a day out - including motorways, country lanes, city roads etc. It helped her hugely, and because she liked the guy who taught her, it was no hardship.

Better to be careful anyway!

I no longer live near my parents, so I can't go out with them - though I may ask some older friends in the village I live in.

Pass Plus is a possibility but we're awkwardly placed for practising on motorways - nearest one is a two-laner anyway! But I will look into it. As for just having extra lessons I'm not sure how far that would help - as what I'm finding hard to cope with is not having my instructor there, IYSWIM!

I'm really glad to hear that just practise helps. I especially like the idea of spending some time in an empty car park practising, anonacfr. If any of you go to the supermarket in the daytime, watch out for an aqua-blue car failing to reverse bay park!

You only really start to learn to drive once you pass your test...all you were doing upto then was learning to pass a test. Just take it steady.

I think i read somewhere that a significant percentage of car accidents happen 2 or 3 months after you get your license. So first you are scared to do anything stupid, then you think you are getting better but actually you are still clumbsy(this is when accidents happen) and then you actually get better.

Give it some time snd drive safely.

Is really is scary but don't worry about what other people think of you when you're driving, drive at or just below the speed limit and slow down on bends etc and you're fine. Try to build up your experiences each time you go out in your car until for example you are driving through busy tone centre. Pull over for breaks, I used to like to check tires a lot and think I heard bits of my car falling off but I was just imagining it! So I used to pull up and check my car a lot to put my mind at rest.

I'd also advise the Pass Plus course. IME it doesn't really do much to lower your insurance premiums, as suggested, but they cover country road driving, as well as the city centre and motorway. It should help get your confidence up a bit.

And as a new driver, the "I'm going to crash and kill myself" fear is perfectly normal, it will disappear with time, don't worry!

It's totally normal, just keep going out and make yourself do it. Eventually you'll be looking back wondering why you ever were anxious.

I remember that feeling! I used to know that I had to go out but would put it off as long as I could so I didn't have to drive, found all sorts of things around the house that really needed doing before I could possibly go (rearranging the spice rack, that sort of thing).

It does become easier, honestly. I still don't exactly enjoy driving but it doesn't bother me anymore and I really enjoy taking the car in for a service as having a courtesy car means I get to try a different car now and again (sad).

Just take it easy and you'll be fine.

I moved to the other end of the country after passing my test, and was too scared to drive at all!

When I had to, I had another 2hour lesson where I went on the usual routes around town, my route to and from work and on the dual carriageway (we didn't have them where I learned).

I then stuck to my work route, then gradually branched out (after joining an NCT music group). It is probably best to learn your usual routes well, and get confident with them and your driving, before taking on board new routes with too many new things to take in. Then extra lessons may help.

Thanks so much all.

I drove home on my own tonight as DH and I had been wondering how his presence affected things. I was actually a bit calmer!

I don't know if its the norm but people overtake a lot round here - I was going 45-50 on a NSL but very bendy and potholed road and a load of people overtook me. I guess I worry more than I should about it because to me, right now, overtaking another vehicle seems like the largest possible stress I could encounter, but hopefully for them it's all in a day's commute and I'm not deeply pissing them all off!

It definitely comes with practice. My Dad always says you pass your test, then you learn to drive.

2 things

1. It's natural to get worse before getting better as your instructor safety net has been removed. Once you get used to driving without a person telling you what to do you'll start making sensible judgements for yourself.

2. if you're happy doing the speed you're doing and you would feel unsafe to do more then sod everyone else. It's a limit not a target. I'm not going to pretend I don't get frustrated with people doing 40 in a 60 when I know it's safe to go faster but I do try and remind myself that they might not know the road, or have a fragile load they don't want to break, or are a new driver. If they want to overtake let them! I was doing 40 in a 60 the other day because my DD was sleeping and I didn't want to get there very quickly. I did 40 because on that road it's really easy to overtake a car at 40 whereas 50 is not as easy. Still one car sat on my arse for miles while loads of others sailed past (I kept right over practically into the gutter to show people I was happy for them to overtake) so I just shrugged and thought "that's your decision".

My mum gave me two piece of advice - one was to make sure I knew where the brake was - and the other was not to go too fast.

I didn't drive for years after I passed my test at 18 so when I got my first car at around 23 I was like a newly passed person again - probably far worse. My dad sat in the back with me while I drove to work, took the car back, came back for me and then sat in the back again. So he was there, but I had to drive as if he wasn't. I also put a P plate in the car so it was clear that I was an inexperienced driver. Some people will be idiots, but the majority will give you a bit of slack and it also explains why you are doing 40 in a 60 limit.

I am now confident on local roads and I make a point of always reversing into spaces. I still don't like motorway driving (hate big lorries, also the high speeds - if they actually put average speed cameras everywhere so everyone has to stick to 70 it might make it a lot more manageable for me) or night driving though (night driving due to the selfish idiots who won't put their full beam down when they seem me coming).

I personally think people who AREN'T nervous about driving are the ones being unreasonable. There are around 1700 people killed in car accidents per year in the UK, around 33,000 here in the US. The good news is, these numbers have been dropping since about 1970 (in US and UK), so driving and riding in cars probably isn't as dangerous as it was when you were a kid.

If you drive slower than most others are, make sure they can pass you if they want, and make sure you're in the slow lane (here that's the right lane, not sure where it is in the UK). If they can pass you and still get upset at you for driving too slow, well, that's their fault.

Don't try to tough it out and drive when you're too tired. My dad wrecked his car that way (fortunately, no one was hurt). He fell asleep at the wheel. Don't do that.

DancingHat, muminhats (a theme?!), and geekymommy, those are all very helpful comments, thankyou!

I'll definitely be sticking to the slow lane on dual carriageways for the time being. Tonight (single-lane, fairly narrow roads) I wasn't as good as I could have been about staying far left to allow people to overtake easily - not deliberately, it was just that it was my first time driving in the dark and I was finding it hard to judge distances!

I think I will definitely get 'P' plates. I know it may inspire the same strange madness that comes over certain drivers at the sight of 'L' plates but at least I'll feel as if I'm saying "sorry guys! please be patient!" r.e. my mistakes.

I think my two main problems are worrying too much about whether I'm frustrating other drivers (my DH says I worry too much about what other people think of me in all areas of life so this is hardly surprising!), and, as geekymommy points out, being very much aware of the risks involved! I find that over the past few years I've become a lot more risk averse and right now, when I'm not really enjoying the process of driving, am finding it hard to balance out the added risk of driving against the benefits. But I'm sure I will in time!

I hope you have a good car with modern safety features. They've made a difference in how safe driving is (as the fatality statistics show).

Don't be afraid to tell DH (or anyone else with you in the car, for that matter) to shut up while you're driving, if you need to concentrate on driving. Getting to your destination safely is more important than anything he has to say or than not hurting his feelings. If he's a reasonable person, he will understand that. (You can apologize later if you feel the need) When I was first driving, my DH (then boyfriend) didn't always know when was a bad time to hold a conversation. He's gotten better about that. If you have people in your life who would be really offended about being asked to be quiet so you can concentrate, and wouldn't accept an apology later, you're probably better off not driving with them in the car for now. You might want to hold off for a while on driving with groups of people in the car, as well (unless they tend to be on the quiet side). Driving safely is always more important than plans for later, conversation, phone calls, the temperature in the car, or the music that is or isn't playing. It's even more important than directions to where you're going. It's always better to get lost or make a wrong turn than to wreck the car.

I wasn't scared at all, but I had done loads of practice with my parents in addition to lessons. I agree that you should look to do some additional lessons or practice.

I wouldn't get P plates - I think other road users can drive badly around learners or new drivers and they can actually dent your confidence.

YANBU - I still clearly remember my first drive on my own after I passed my test and it was thirty years ago! You are right to be terrified but it will get better quickly. My DD just passed her test and is pretty terrified too. She uses a TomTom which helps and really plans her routes. She even goes on Google street view to check out tricky junctions.

Don't worry about other drivers and make sure you leave lots of space. Good luck.