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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel angry & unforgiving to (ex) friend

38 replies

PeasinPod1 · 10/02/2015 14:54

Ive been friends with a girl who I met on an evening course a few years back and we got colder while both pregnant/had our babies at similar times. She’s moved away so invited me, DS & DH down for the weekend. All was kind of going well, few minor incidents like promised outing to a pub we’d always wanted to visit, and had booked a babysitter for there, didn’t end up happening as she didn’t want to leave her DD in end (1 year old) as had barely left her ever, so despite being fun weekend was hoping, was rather quiet on that front.
Anyway, we all go up to bed and our DS- also 1 year was very unsettled, waking up constantly, bit of a temperature and had been niggly all day. Was starting to panic, as also had a had- (not meningitis like) but was on legs/feet and could tell he was really unhappy and in pain. We’d given him Nurofen at this stage, stupidly I know, had forgotten the calpol as he was fine when we left home but became ill when we got there.
So I appeal to friend, baby screaming in background, if we could please borrow her calpol to sooth him.
No brainer I think… but she considers for a second then replies “ummm really sorry but it’s in her (DDs) room, and really don’t want to wake her…sorry!!”

I shut down, replied blankly “ok” and left it at that. DS is then up all night long, we couldn’t give him more nurofen for hours and in turn we barely slept a wink. So mid-way through night at like 3/4am, I shake DH awake ( he typically managed to get to sleep through the chaos and was snoring away) to say: pack car, pack up baby, we are leaving! I needed to urgently get home to get him calpol/possibly to hospital (was something far more minor than we’d feared in end) and also if I’m honest- did not want to see her face again the next morning, as I was still in disbelieve and fuming at her selfishness. For me- screaming baby in pain V sleeping baby possibly waking up= no brainer.

She made a very lame effort to contact me a few times afterwards, I’ve seen her out at a few friends engaagments drinks etc since but was quite frosty and that’s that. Obviously not the friend I thought but would like your thoughts.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeasinPod1 · 10/02/2015 14:56

sorry meant to say he developed a rash (not a "had")?!

OP posts:
Toetallynamechanged · 10/02/2015 15:02

She was being unreasonable but you left in the middle of the night?!? Way to wig out. You were unreasonable.

YAbothBU.

You obviously don't like her and aren't going to see her anymore so let it go. Move on.

Also, we were promised a trip to the pub but didn't go....you sound a bit whiney. You were there to see friends. Unfortunate but hardly a 'minor incident'.

MrsTawdry · 10/02/2015 15:05

I don't think you were unreasonable at ALL! She was a weird, rude cow. I would not want to stay either!

vintagesewingmachine · 10/02/2015 15:07

She was prepared to let a tiny child suffer in case she woke her own child creeping into the room to get the calpol? YANBU in the slightest and why would you want to spend time with such a vile person, let alone have her as a friend??

MrsTawdry · 10/02/2015 15:07

Totally the OP's son was ill and the friend refused her some Calpol! that's really weird, unkind and frankly I would not be comfortable in a house where my child's health or happiness meant so little.

jackstini · 10/02/2015 15:08

She was U to not get you the Calpol, but why didn't you just go out to a 24 hour garage/express or something and get some?

Or just tell her you were leaving.

You say she has tried to contact you so maybe she didn't realise how worried you actually were.

Just communicate with her! Tell her how you felt and why and then let it go. You obviously are not that bothered about staying friends

BubGal13 · 10/02/2015 15:09

YANBU.
If my DC was also screaming, in pain & with a rash and we couldn’t help him /with calpol I’d probably leave in middle of night too. Lack of sleep can also cause you to make very hasty spur of moment decisions as sure we all know.

Think Op gave the pub story to suggest friend might be a bit OTT precious with her DD- ie. Never having left her in a year, not even wanting to (risk) waking her to give a babe in agony calpol… sounds like a silly cow!

grocklebox · 10/02/2015 15:10

She was unreasonable, you over reacted.

And its woman, not girl, presuming she isn't an adolescent or child.

Toetallynamechanged · 10/02/2015 15:12

YY my first sentence said that she was being unreasonable. I'm not denying that.

But I'd have said something. I'd have asked again and if she still said no I'd have said "well we are leaving then. He needs calpol and as you aren't prepared to share then we have no choice. Goodbye and good riddance!"

I just think it's odd to sneak out at 4am.

DustyBedhead · 10/02/2015 15:16

Very odd of her to not let you have some Calpol for your DC and I'd probably have left right away.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 10/02/2015 15:22

She wbu not to give you calpol but you were bu to leave in the middle of the night. Why not just go to 24 garage or shop??!!

You both sound like you need to grow up a bit.

RiverTam · 10/02/2015 15:25

I wouldn't have left at 4am, I would have pointedly asked where the nearest 24 hour pharmacy was and gone out and got some. And then left first thing.

I know that sleep for babies is the holy grail but really? What a loon.

Original poster
PeasinPod1 · 10/02/2015 15:27

MrsTawdry, vintagesewingmachine, Bubsgal- thankyou. I almost feels tears of relief that you get what I am on about, thankyou. I don’t care that much about remaining friends, no, as I saw a different side to her as well as fact we have such different styles and attitudes to parenting that I think came to a head that weekend.

Totally- we were all going to bed when I asked for Calpol after we'd given him the last dose of Nurofen (had only just looked up you are able to give them relatively together). She then said no and basically "oh well good night!" then bedroom doors all closed for the night. We were left with screaming baby...if it had been day time I’d have def asked her again.

Fully understand it may seem rash, I can be dramatic/ very rigid/strong-willed in my decisions and feelings. I did not for one more moment want to spend a minute more in that house/with her/away from home and have the awkwardly forced politeness of breakfast/leaving next morning (or indeed make out nothing was wrong) or-most importantly- make DS suffer anymore in a bed he wasn't used to, without possible help from calpol.

I'd add that I once when out with her, raced back home (only 5 minutes admittedly!) from a restaurant with her to get our calpol- bringing aback 2 varieties when her DD wasn’t well suddenly and she’d forgotten hers…different situation I know but I wouldn’t even think twice about doing everything possible to help a distressed child.

Re. village shop/garage - we were in a tiny countryside village. Nothing open there, or for miles. No idea where anything nearby was either. Basically no phone recpetion and very patchy wifi to look anything up.

OP posts:
Original poster
PeasinPod1 · 10/02/2015 15:29

River - very wise + in retrospect would have done exactly as you suggested! But was not thinking calmly at all [ANGRY]

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 10/02/2015 15:30

I understand OP not speaking up or leaving immediately...her first thought was for her child....then when it had sunk in, she was done with the situation.

I would have been the same probably.

Nocturne123 · 10/02/2015 15:31

I don't think you were at all unreasonable . Your child was sick you wanted to help him , she was being weird and unhelpful . I would've done exactly the same thing.

You don't need "friends" like this op.

monkina · 10/02/2015 15:32

OMG!! What a horrible, selfish person she sounds. Cannot imagine listening to a small childs cries, seeing parents in distress, and refusing to let them borrow a spoonful of calpol in case it woke up my child?!! WTAF??

Crazy. I would have done exactly the same as you I wouldnt have wanted to stay in that house a second longer. How insulting and selfish!!!

Toetallynamechanged · 10/02/2015 15:35

If I had guests and could hear their crying child, I'd be up out my bed asking 'what can I do? Are they alright? Can I help?' She's very odd. I can understand you being mad, especially as you thought it might have been serious.

Bluepants · 10/02/2015 15:36

Very unreasonable not to get you the calpol from her dd's room. Sounds like the friendship is over anyway so I'd probably just leave it.

DayLillie · 10/02/2015 15:37

I wouldn't have waited until 3am.

Viviennemary · 10/02/2015 15:42

Have no more to do with her again. What a horrible selfish woman.

KatelynB · 10/02/2015 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoleSource · 10/02/2015 16:23

YANBU for leaving.

I would have too, better than a huge argument.

I hope your baby is better.

WilburIsSomePig · 10/02/2015 16:29

She was totally out of order.

You over reacted.

Moltenpink · 10/02/2015 16:31

Maybe she was embarrassed that she'd ran out, and was covering up? Just can't believe she didn't get it for you! YANBU.