to think she should give her a lift her fucking self if it's such a wonderful idea?

[RedButtonhole]

I recently started a night class which I attend once a week. The college I attend at is in a large town which is situated in a county mainly made up of rural towns and villages so many of the students commute up to 50 miles to attend here.

I travel 40 miles by car and another girl in the class travels from the same direction but is only 20 miles away.

On the first night one of the other students loudly suggested that I give public transport girl a lift home As she has to wait 40 minutes on a bus after the class. Put on the spot and not wanting to seem mean, I said I didn't mind taking her home that night, but she ended up leaving before me and never mentioned waiting for a lift.

This week, the student suggested it again, I overheard her saying loudly and pointedly that "it's a shame one of the other girls wont give you a lift to class and back to save you the hassle of getting a bus and waiting about". Public transport girl just shrugged it off.

The thing is, it is sort of on my road home, but it would add about half an hour onto an already long journey and as I live so out of the way I do like to get other things done when I'm in the town if I can make spare time before the class so wont always be travelling at set times.

The girl who takes the bus has never really mentioned wanting a lift herself and in any case she knew what the travel would be like when she signed up for the class.

AIBU to think the pushy one should just keep her nose out and stop trying to guilt trip me into offering this girl a lift?

[RedButtonhole]

Glad to know I'm not being unreasonable- a part of me did think I was just being mean. I'm generally a bit of a people pleaser and I do find it hard to judge when it's ok just to say 'no'.

If it is brought up again next week I'll just mention that it isn't really on my way home (alot of people think it is but it involves coming off the main road which is the extra half hour bit) and hope it's left at that.

Pushy girl lives somewhere in the opposite direction (I travel south, she goes north) so she obviously thinks its a safe suggestion since there is no way it would be logical for her to offer.

[wanttosqueezeyou]

YANBU. Adding an extra half an hour is more than enough reason.

How generous of her to volunteer on your behalf

[MrsTawdry]

OOH yanbu! I could be "Public transport girl" and I don't mind at all but people often butt in to "Help" me by doing this sort of thing.

Once a man I barely knew RAN down the road trying to catch someone going my way...whilst I protested "I'm getting the bus! It's ok!"

So interfering and I KNOW they're trying to help but it's so embarrasing. People would offer themselves if they wanted!

[VodkaJelly]

I used to work with a woman who told me a story. The woman who i will call Jo for ease doesnt drive and is now late 40's. When she was around 20/21 Jo worked in a clothing factory which at the time was a biggish employer round here.

One day Jo was walking to work (around a 20 minute walk) and the boss of the factory saw her walking. The boss of the factory found someone who lived near Jo and MADE this person give her a lift there and back every day.

Jo would mention this story and say what a lovely boss he was for doing this. I bet the poor sod who had to give the lift didnt think he was so bloody lovely, so it could be worse you could be made to give her a lift!

[RedButtonhole]

how generous of her to volunteer on your behalf

Exactly! I think this is actually annoying me more than anything- the fact that it doesn't actually affect mouthy at all so she is quite happy to appear like a do-gooder whilst not having any of the inconvenience of going out of her way herself.

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

Yanbu. Big gob girl should give her a lift home herself if she feels so strongly about it. I don't drive and am more than happy to use public transport or cycle, I'd never ask for a lift or expect anyone to go out of their way to give me one.

Those sort of people get on my wick. I had one who couldn't believe I dumped a boyfriend who told everyone else appeared to be the salt of the earth. To me he was just a twat. She was all 'oh I can't believe you dumped S! He's a lovely lad, you'll regret it'

I replied with 'well if he's that great YOU go out with him then!'

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

*who to everyone else appeared to be the salt of the earth.

[kittycatz]

YANBU - public transport girl signed up to the class knowing how far away it was and obviously made plans before joining as to how she would get there and back. She doesn't want a lift and doesn't want to inconvenience you. I would chat to her directly and explain that you often go into town earlier and that it isn't convenient for you. But you could maybe say you would give her a lift home if the weather is bad so she doesn't have to wait 40 minutes for a bus when it is freezing cold or blowing a gale.
I don't think you are being mean at all - it is out of your way. I think the gobshite just wants to make you look bad for some reason. It must be very embarrassing for everyone in the class. Try to ignore it.

[RedButtonhole]

I'd normally be happy to offer occassionally if I was going straight home but now feel if I do it once it would become an arrangement.

I don't mind going out of my way a bit to be helpful, its the fact this woman has volunteered me and is guilt tripping me that bothers me and she has actually put me off offering help to PT girl ever.

[fluffyraggies]

Hmm, if this were me i think i'd have a third strike and react policy. She's mentioned this out loud twice now, hoping to a result hoping to get a result out of you. I'd say third time gets a response. 'Cause that it just rude to keep pushing.

My response would be, if it was aimed across a room at me, quite sharply - ''Is this being aimed at me?''. And see what she says. Go from there.

[PotatoesPastaAndBread]

I am also public transport girl.
I get carsick. I don't like travelling by car!
YANBU!

[BaronessBomburst]

I would say "do you mean me? Because I'm not actually able to give anyone a lift. If I was, I would already have offered."

[Mrsjayy]

And this is an evening class if bus girl didn't think she could get home she wouldn't have enrolled for it would she? Just keep thinking that when gobby is organising lifts

[expatinscotland]

Just front her! 'It doesn't work for me. It's out of the way and I don't go straight home. I'd appreciate it if you stop volunteering me. You didn't even ask first. That's rude.'

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yanbu at all. If I overheard that, I woukd suggest rude student should give bus lady a lift.

[UncrushedParsley]

Why do people volunteer other people like this? To feel like they've done a good thing, without actually any of the hassle of, err, you know, actually DOING a good thing?

[CharityD]

Just ignore, I would. None of her beeswax.
Give her a death stare if she starts again next week. I hate interfering people.

[RedButtonhole]

Hopefully by next week she will have realised that I'm not going to take the bait and pipe up with an offer... If not I'll reply as you said expat. Hopefully it wont come to that as I hate confrontation.

If bus girl had come and asked me herself I would have been ok with explaining that it wasn't convenient as an ongoing thing but that I would offer when I was able. It's the brazen way that mouthy girl has gone about it that I find embarrasing, like I've been put on the spot in front of bus girl and the others in the class.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Good idea expat, if the other lady offers your lift again, just reply with expat answer. I bet the lady who gets the bus is really embarrassed. I know I would be, I am a non car driver, and would sort out my own arrangements.

[EmpressOfJurisfiction]

I'm pt girl too and I wouldn't have signed up for the class unless I was OK with the commute. Didn't you say you offered her a lift the first time and she didn't take it?

[expatinscotland]

'Hopefully it wont come to that as I hate confrontation.'

That's what bullies like this count on. It's not confronting, it's just telling her it doesn't work for you and it's rude of her to volunteer others.

[ChickenMe]

Don't explain yourself or make excuses to this idiotic loudmouth. Just say "yes, thanks, youve mentioned about the lifts several times already" or "it's not convenient for me". If pressed "I just said, it's not convenient for me". Do not apologise or say "unfortunately" or similar words. Defo get public transport girl on side. Big mouth is infantilising PT girl who is an adult and for whom you are not responsible.
Bloody annoying these sorts of people. Stand firm, be emotionless.

[RedButtonhole]

You've all made me feel much better about this. I try hard to be liked and don't want to upset anyone if I can help it, but you all seem to agree with me that bus girl probably doesn't want or expect a lift so I don't feel as selfish for saying no.

Mouthy is a pita in general so hopefully if she brings it up again I can give her one of your replies firmly and I suppose it doesn't really matter if her nose is out of joint.

[listsandbudgets]

YANBU. I rely on buses. Some very kind people offer me lifts from time to time but I never ask, I never expect and I often don't accept. In fact I turned down 2 offers of a lift home from mums at school this morning. (I'm epileptic, I don't drive and its not been a secret since I managed a full on fit in the play ground a couple of years ago )

Only thing I would add is that if the weather is really cold or rainy Public Transport girl may well appreciate the occasional lift as long as you offer it yourself on your own terms. Certainly don't let anyone else push you into it. Forty minutes waiting for a bus in the rain is miserable but she did sign up for the course knowing it could happen!