Birthday Party Etiquette and Siblings

[LittleBrownRabbit]

DN has asked me to help at her 5 year olds party on Saturday. She's invited 30 children (25 have confirmed they'll attend) and the party is at a local village hall. She's booked two rooms that join together which hold up to 40 people as the main hall was already booked the day she wanted it. The hall committee are very strict on the numbers in halls due to fire regulations. Two children's parents have asked if they can both attend (which is perfectly fine as the children sometimes don't cope well with large groups). DN has arranged for 3 children's entertainers as well as 5 adults to help with the food etc. That's 37 people already. The problem is various parents have asked to bring siblings of the children invited. When she's tried to explain there is limited space she's had various replies ranging from "oh we'll just stand at the side" to "we always stay at parties."

I never thought a party could cause so much stress. My children are older and I never had anyone asking to bring siblings to parties. My DN is very stressed about it all.

What's the etiquette with parties? AIBU to think when a child is invited to a party the invite doesn't include siblings?

RebootYourEngine it's really not my place to "have a word" with my brother - it's not really any of my business.

"Last weekend my niece was invited to a "frozen" party with a children's entertainer and party games more aimed at older children. Of course my nephew turns up and ruins all the party games because he doesn't understand them and just stands there in the middle. I would have been so pissed off if that was my kid's party. You could see the frustration on the other kids faces (I was there helping set up). "

If you were there, why didn't you tell your brother he could take the younger sibling away and you would keep an eye on your niece? It was the one time you had the opportunity to demonstrate to him what he should be doing!

I am always amazed in these threads at the number of people who wouldn't leave their reception aged kids.

At pre-school for dds 4 th birthday, only about 3-4 parents stayed. granted that was at our house. One stayed because the ds has severe milk allergy and one because he son was nervous of being left. Everyone else just dropped and left.

At reception we all dropped and left. In fact there was one party at soft play where they went back to hosts house for tea, we were all a little taken aback as that meant we had to stay and then transport them half way through, which also meant for most of us that we then had a childcare problem with the siblings.

I think it makes a difference where the party is and as some have said if it is in a secure place wrt toilets etc.

As to childcare ratios, well, a class full of reception children has 1 adult and at the beginning of the year they are all 4

Personally I think the difference is that there is now a thing to have whole class parties at a hall, whereas all my dcs parties were at our house with 12-15 kids. So parents knew us, knew venue was secure and that there was no space to stay.

I have been to about 6 reception this year. Nearly all parents have stayed. 2 Parties were at the same huge soft play, not exclusive hire, where the tea was held in a separate building; are people saying they would leave their 4/5 year old in that situation? The party hosts don't know the children at that age yet so you're relying on the children being very sensible or the hosts being very on the ball . Even at a church hall one the door was open leading to access to various parts of the building and outside. I shut it when I saw it but it was often opened again by parents getting bits from the car etc. I think at this age smaller parties in houses etc would be the only ones I would even consider leaving at.

Cross post stepping but basically the same point!!

What are you meant to do if you are not allowed to drop your 4 year old as they need help but you also can't take a younger sibling too? Lots of people don't have anyone to take a child especially if their partners work at weekends / they are on their own. You can both expect people to stay but also not bring siblings the kids would never go to a party.

I think there are different 'local cultures' about dropping off. When we lived in London dd1 went to the nursery attached to her primary school. During nursery year was when host parents started offering parents to stay or drop off then by reception it was assumed drop off.
We've now moved out of london and dd2 is in her preschool year. She was invited to a party the other week and would have been fine staying, I was all for dropping her off but didn't feel k could, slightly awkward moment on the doorstep but then was clear everyone else was staying and that was what host expected/wanted which is fair enough. Personally I prefer having less bodies around and not having to feed/water adults!!

From my experience it's quite common for parents to bring a sibling but most would ask, if they were told it's not possible for siblings to stay then they would make other arrangements.
Eg DS (5) has got a party invite next week, I'm in work and DH has the other 3 kids, I would never ask to take 3 siblings along so DS is going to the party with his friend.

I think a lot of it depends on where it is and how well you know the parents.

Most of the mums in DS's class are quite friendly so the mums use parties as an excuse to have a get together too.

Tbh it sounds a bit daft to book a room which only holds 40, what if mum and dads don't want to leave their kids? Even if parents are happy to drop and run, a lot of 5 year olds wouldn't be happy to be left.

DisappointedOne - because I'm 35 weeks pregnant, was only there helping set up the food I had helped prepare and I had other places to be with my own children. Believe it or not it is neither my responsibility to "demonstrate" acceptable behaviour to my older brother, nor take care of his child when I have my own children to care for!

Wow things have changed. I remember my sister tantrumming re a party i was going to and my usually very rigid parents caving and her going too: and the party child's mother being well unimpressed. I was 6 , DS was 4. Later on i helped at every party next door neighbours little girl had (she was kind of surrogate little sis too and i spent hours with her daily)and no parents stayed, either at 4 or later on.

Quote the fire regs and be firm?? Surely its a nightmare re food and party bag provisioning if oodles of extra kids with parents who want food too, turn up???

It's true, times really have changed! I remember when DD2 was about 4 (she's now 17) I felt a bit awkward as I always seemed to be the only mum whose child insisted on me staying with her at parties. DD1 had never minded being left at parties, nor did DS and DD3 more recently. It was only a problem because it simply wasn't the norm back then for parents to stay at a party unless a child had special needs or dietary issues. On one occasion at a good friend's house, where she had been before for play dates, she even refused to get out of the car until I promised solemnly that I would stay for the duration. By a strange twist of irony, DD2 is now the life and soul and even ends up organizing celebrations for other people.

Blueberry - I do believe if you care about your niece you should speak to your brother. Do you want to see your niece not being invited to parties because no one told her dad what is acceptable? I don't mean shout and swear and cause an argument but just mention that your niece could suffer.