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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I asking too much?

39 replies

Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 21:24

Dd2 has diabetes, she has a 1:1 at school but her 1:1 is trained in how to use her insulin pump, cgm and to do other things regarding other medical conditions.

Dsis asked a while ago to start learning how to do other aspects of dds diabetes care (injections if pump failed, emergency injection for hypos etc) so I have taught her a few things which she was happy to learn at the time.

I have an appt coming up soon at a hospital approx 1 hour away and asked dsis if she would please be the emergency contact for that day in the unlikely event dd has a severe hypo or her pump stops delivering. She said 'no'
I asked why and she said she had an appt. I explained that all I needed her to do was have her phone on just in case as even at her appt at the gp a short way from school she would still be nearer than I would be. She got really angry with me and said I am irresponsible for having an appt that far away. I said fine, its ok forget I asked.
After an hour or so I started getting texts saying"you are forcing me to cancel my appt and sit around all day" I explained that she would not have had to change her plans at all, just to have her phone on. The texts continued "fine, I've cancelled it, you've got your way now I'm at your disposal" etc etc etc.

I do not understand what I've done. Dsis asked to learn all this???

OP posts:
wheresthelight · 09/02/2015 21:27

She sounds like a proper drama llama! tell her you are sorted and find someone else!!

LIZS · 09/02/2015 21:28

Sorry. Don't get why you continue to allow her to influence your life and children. Every thread you start involves her. Is dh going with you, can no one else be on standby? Would the school not contact a Dr or the hospital?

Samcro · 09/02/2015 21:29

maybe she is worried about what ever she is going to the gp for

Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 21:30

Easier said than done!

It is only me and dh who are also trained in everything. I have to have an eye procedure so dh was going to accompany me whereas usually in this sort of situation he would have taken time off to be nearby to school and be the emergency contact.
I've been seriously considering teaching my eldest daughter (13) to learn these things but then wonder if its too much for her as she has her own problems. I think she could do it but I feel bad putting such a responsibility on her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 21:31

Its just confusing as she asked to learn for situations like this

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 21:34

The injection for a severe hypo needs to given immediately dd loses consciousness so not much time to contact anyone else then (and even ambulances don't always come quickly, we had to wait an hour last time and had to treat it ourselves). The school have nobody trained to do the injection.

If the pump failed dd would get very sick quickly and would need an injection of insulin ASAP so in both scenarios somebody trained needs to be there as soon as they can. It probably wouldn't even happen that day I was just surprised she said no after asking to be trained

OP posts:
LIZS · 09/02/2015 21:44

It's not confusing - she likes the idea of being involved/needed but will never commit or be reliable. You can't expect a 13 yo to do this either. Surely a practice nurse could be called in an emergency or her 1:1 deal with it. Otherwise dh will have to stay and you go by hospital transport.

Chippednailvarnish · 09/02/2015 21:47

I'm with LIZS, your sister is a massive pain the arse...

laughingmyarseoff · 09/02/2015 21:51

Hedgehog your always posting about your sister being a drama lama, selfish and emotionally manipulative. Why do you keep giving her chances to let you down or drag you into drama?

Yes yabu and expecting too much because you knoe what she's like. Yanbu to want more and be disappointed with her but you have to stop setting yourself up for it by giving her chances.

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 09/02/2015 21:51

You know from past experience that your Dsis will always let you down. Hell I know that from your previous posts and I've never met her or you! Just don't count on her. I think you will have to go to hospital by yourself this time and have you DH on call. Don't bother training her up on anything in the future, its a waste of time!

Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 21:54

Most nurses/GPS have no idea how to work the pump or use the injections as its not something they do routinely.
Dds diabetes nurses are based in central london so as far away as I will be that day.

I know dd1 has a good basic knowledge of how to use the pump for delivering insulin etc and children her age if they have diabetes themselves use their own pump/do their own injections but I suppose its different when its for a younger sibling. I just feel a bit lost as to who else we could actually have as a back up. Dd1 has her own health issues too so I don't want to overwhelm her if I can avoid it, it was just something I considered
I will approach dds 1:1 about further training to cover everything. Up till now its been ok as I'm always nearby but on this one occasion dh and I would both have been out of the area as I really needed somebody with me.

OP posts:
laughingmyarseoff · 09/02/2015 21:55

Yes teach your eldest if she is happy to learn, she may genuinely want to help if she can.

Your sister may say she wants to help but her track record speaks for itself: actions speak louder then words.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 21:55

I agree misspenelope

Its just so frustrating to spend so much time training somebody, at their request for nothing. I just don't understand her

OP posts:
ilovechristmas1 · 09/02/2015 21:56

cant you go to the hospital alone

it will save you alot of hassle if you can

Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 21:58

I think I will have to go alone. Massively nervous though, hate needles etc and really wanted dh with me. I think that may be the issue though as I get a lot of snidely comments from dsis about dh/our relationship and she seems to actively try and stop us ever having any time together without dcs (even a shitty hospital appt it seems!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 21:59

Snidey. Not sure where snidely came from

OP posts:
LadyLuck10 · 09/02/2015 22:00

You know full well what your dsis is like so not sure why you are even depending on her at all.

Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 22:03

Because she willingly gave up a lot of her time to be trained??? I cannot understand why you would do that if you didn't want to ever genuinely help.

OP posts:
ilovechristmas1 · 09/02/2015 22:14

i remember other threads concerning dsis

she sounds a bit flakey,i would not involve her anymore as when you need her she always has other things to do

Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 22:21

She is. So, my plan is to brave it and go alone on this occasion but to arrange training for 1:1 for all of dds care, however unlikely it is to happen, train dd1 and see if I can find a friend willing to learn and train them.

Still can't believe dsis would waste her own time like that but still, this is the same person who sent our dcs home late one night when ds2 was in nicu as I'd been discharged and she didn't want me and dh 'having fun' so delivered our dcs back. We couldn't have been further from having fun. It was sitting by an incubator or at home expressing milk and she was spiteful then and no different now

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/02/2015 22:27

she was spiteful then and no different now

I don't see why you continue to have any contact with her.

LoxleyBarrett · 09/02/2015 22:29

Your DSis does sound rather unreliable, but it is it really reasonable to ask DD1 to assist considering her own complex needs.

Aussiemum78 · 09/02/2015 22:36

Is there a gp near school that could be an emergency contact?

Original poster
Edenviolet · 09/02/2015 22:36

I'm not sure, I'm torn between thinking dd1 could do it then wondering if she should.
She has always been very interested, can do a blood sugar check, carb count and knows how the pump works, how to treat a hypo etc but she does have her own health issues and I wouldn't want to stress her. Its a hard decision.

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 09/02/2015 22:42

What's the point in the 1:1 if they aren't trained in this or is the 1:1 not there because of the diabetes?

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