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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be confused about letter from health visitor?

114 replies

Lottie10000 · 09/02/2015 10:27

Hi,
We moved boroughs in September, registered with the doctor and the children's centre ( we have 2 children one 3, one 4 ) straight away.
Both started pre school here in October, all fine.
Called the doctors last week to book in my daughters pre school jabs as we are moving again to a different borough in March so thought it made sense to get them done before we move.
All booked in for next week.
On Friday we got a letter through the post, written to my daughter ( younger ) not myself, saying
Hi, I am your new health visitor and wondered if I could see you at home on Wednesday 25th feb at 10am. If this isn't a good time please call and we can re arrange, take care.
Whilst I think the letter is rather unprofessional, and she is on annual leave as I've called to ask what it's regarding and the receptionist sounded like she was half asleep, I'm confused as to why at 3 1/2 a health visitor would want to visit us at home.
And why just her and not my older daughter of 4 years 7 months?
We have no concerns, pre school have never mentioned any concerns so a little confused!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottie10000 · 17/02/2015 16:47

I'm not avoiding them at all!
I've never said I would refuse a visit and I never would!
As I said she called me back and said that she wouldn't bother coming out, took our new address and said she would pass it over to the new team. I don't see where you think I'm attempting to avoid anyone, I've always registered as soon as we've moved with doctors and dentists and l vaccinations and development checks have been completed. As I said, this letter was out of the blue as quite a while after we've moved, only addressed to one child and even now I've spoken to her she didn't really indicate what the purpose of the visit was actually meant to be.

I did have counselling through my employer after the accident and I think I've dealt with it the best I could as a mother thinking her child was going to die.
I just hate to think that being investigated until certain things came back clear has put any kind of black mark above my name now forever.

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 17:02

Sorry. Very poor choice of words.
What i meant was that there was more to it than you first indicated and you might be worried about being "investigated"
Its still a routine thing.
The reason that it takes some time to hear from the hv is that communication from the GPs is variable in its speed.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 17:06

I wouldnt see it as a "black mark" on your name tbh.
As I said, they might well be oblivious to your family history.
Or maybe not.
But if you look at it objectively, a woman who has an argument with her DP that leads to someone being concerned enough to call the police might be someone who could need extra support. These people dont know you. Even if they do know anything about your past iyswim.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 17/02/2015 17:23

Yes I see what you mean although that argument was over a year ago so I would assume if they were concerned my old team would have contacted me, not the new team a year down the line!
Maybe I'm over thinking things, as I said they are welcome to come it just makes me a little anxious after the social services assessment they had to do after the accident.
Thanks for your reply and if they come when we move I'll be pleased to hear about any toddler groups they do as I hear children's centres do some nice groups, we didn't have anything like that in the last area so that's a positive :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottie10000 · 17/02/2015 17:58

Thankyou for your message regarding the help.
I did, social services were lovely and did what they had to do whilst being extremely supportive and they always said what wonderful parents we were.
They didn't treat me badly, they investigated something that had to be, but it was still incredibly traumatic.
I wouldn't wish for anyone to go through it, it was a very hard time and I'm glad they were supportive and could offer support, the health visitors were also brilliant.
The argument wasn't very loud and the neighbour called as it was noise nuisance / TV being too loud late at night ( terraced thin walls ) concerning her not worry about anyone.
I did apologise for the shouting which led to her calling them and she was apologetic but lived alone and hasn't met us as she had just moved in so didn't feel comfortable knocking which I understood.
The police were very good too and just said to be more considerate and that was it.
As I said I just thought it odd so late on into living here to get a " welcome visit " !

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 19:00

It sounds like it was a horrible time. Sorry.
The timing of the letter really shouldnt worry you. GPs and HVs do communicate but their connections are not what they were. So its quite common for you to register with a GP in February and the Hv team to not know you exist until June the following year
And the thing is, as I said, its entirely possible they don't know about the history with your son or the argument.
I do understand the fear of scrutiny though. Brew

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 17/02/2015 20:01

Son?

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 20:25

Your eldest. The accident. Clearly i misread and assumed that was ds. Blush
In my defence i am ill.
So ill be off now.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 17/02/2015 20:29

TheRealAmandaClarke Tue 17-Feb-15 10:05:27
I doubt health visitors ever swear Wink

You're quite right- I only occasionally always never do

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 20:31

pottymouth Grin

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 17/02/2015 20:33

RUDE Wink Grin

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 17/02/2015 20:42

No problem I thought I had mistyped somewhere and confused people
Thanks, can I ask are you a health visitor? As you seen very knowledgable on the subject I just wondered :)
Either way cheers for understanding and your messages

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 20:49

You're welcome.
Good luck with the move.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 17/02/2015 21:29

Thanks, I wonder why many people opt out of health visitors I said a few pages back is it because it feels invasive but I've never met one who wasn't knowledgable in their field

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottie10000 · 18/02/2015 08:43

Also out of curiosity shouldn't these visits be for every child that moves?
Or does it only occur in " under privileged " ones as that was also something I read whilst googling so where there is high crime rate and poverty as they call it, deemed more at risk than if we lived in an affluent area?
Wondered how true that actually was!

OP posts:
notquiteruralbliss · 18/02/2015 09:05

I don't think you have to have any involvement with HVs. We didn't go to baby clinics, filed red books away unused and I think we only saw HVs twice (when they turned up and one of us happened to be in).

TheRealAmandaClarke · 18/02/2015 09:07

A contact is offered to every preschool child moving into an area. But the nature of that contact can vary widely.

Superworm · 18/02/2015 09:23

It should be a standard visit offered to all children in all areas. Living in an area with high levels of deprivation and poverty increases the health needs of some children. Generally there are more support services offered as the needs are higher.

I'm sorry you had a difficult time before. Hope you have all recovered from the trauma, sounds really tough.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 18/02/2015 09:33

I wondered as google brings up a lot of nonsense!
I would actually really like to get involved in helping people once my children are in full time schooling, maybe at the children's centre or something.
Superworm,
That's very kind of you.
I think I am as past it as I'll ever be. Protocol it certainly was, but the process ripped my heart into pieces, well what was left of it after thinking my child wasn't going to make it.
I was lucky as they were always lovely towards me and my husband but the mere thought at being under suspicion in any way, even just to do the report to say it was accidental destroyed me a little. A lot.
I try not to talk about it now, I'm grateful there are procedures that catch people who abuse children, of course I am. Just a hard pill to swallow when it's your child on deaths door to deal with.
I'm actually a very logical person in general, worked for the NHS myself prior to having children but certain things like this letter I guess brought it all back a bit.

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 18/02/2015 09:34

Yy. Its a statutory service but not compulsory.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 18/02/2015 09:55

Yy? Sorry if I'm being thick, what does that mean??
Is it not compulsory? People were quite quick on page 1 to just say refuse it, I wouldn't as I always found them nice and offered good advice but surely it's not an option to say no in regards to the new baby check and the development checks ( 6 week / 8 month / 2 1/2 ) anyway?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 18/02/2015 09:59

It means it should be offered but doesn't have to be accepted.

It remains entirely a matter of choice whether you accept the offered visit or not. Exactly the same as vaccination which you are also entitled to decline but must be offered to each child.

Pagwatch · 18/02/2015 10:01

My DD has not had any checks at all. No problem at all. None of the checks are compulsory.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 18/02/2015 10:56

Sorry I know what statutory meant it was the yy that threw me sorry therealamandaclarke!

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 18/02/2015 11:15
Grin "Yeah, yeah," Agreeing with a previous poster.