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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be confused about letter from health visitor?

114 replies

Lottie10000 · 09/02/2015 10:27

Hi,
We moved boroughs in September, registered with the doctor and the children's centre ( we have 2 children one 3, one 4 ) straight away.
Both started pre school here in October, all fine.
Called the doctors last week to book in my daughters pre school jabs as we are moving again to a different borough in March so thought it made sense to get them done before we move.
All booked in for next week.
On Friday we got a letter through the post, written to my daughter ( younger ) not myself, saying
Hi, I am your new health visitor and wondered if I could see you at home on Wednesday 25th feb at 10am. If this isn't a good time please call and we can re arrange, take care.
Whilst I think the letter is rather unprofessional, and she is on annual leave as I've called to ask what it's regarding and the receptionist sounded like she was half asleep, I'm confused as to why at 3 1/2 a health visitor would want to visit us at home.
And why just her and not my older daughter of 4 years 7 months?
We have no concerns, pre school have never mentioned any concerns so a little confused!

OP posts:
FarelyKnuts · 09/02/2015 19:34

For every 100 homes where everything is wonderful and fine there is one where the parents are struggling or the child is being abused/neglected etc. People complain when cases like Victoria Climbe happen "where were the state/social workers/health visitors etc" and then give out that they are intrusive when they try to do their jobs and make sure children and parents ARE doing ok! Can't bloody win.
If you don't want the visit then decline, or else meet the HV find out if they have anything useful to offer you (20 minutes of your life!) and be delighted that you don't need their services after all.

FarelyKnuts · 09/02/2015 19:36

And that hopefully them doing their jobs might prevent some other "Victoria" or "Peter" or the myriad of children who didn't turn out to be ok

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 09/02/2015 19:56

We do live in a sure start area as I signed up to the children's centre when we first moved as we had gone to some groups where we resided before at the children's centres.
They offered me a stay and learn course which I accepted but then realised it was every week for 12 weeks and didn't want to take up a space when I may be doing other things some weeks so called them in December to say no thanks.
Maybe that's what's caused it, who knows!
I do appreciate them doing their jobs, just would have appreciated a brief explanation and an acknowledgment I have 2 children, not 1!

OP posts:
ATisketATasket · 09/02/2015 20:33

Completely routine, you can decline, but there may be a policy in place that they have to offer a further appointment before 'discharging' you.if you move to a different borough/health authority it is procedure to try to see the child.it does stem from safeguarding incidents in the past where children have been moved multiple times to evade the authorities, but that doesn't mean there are concerns about your family.everyone should be offered it.
it may be useful to meet the hv as they will probably have info about the local services etc, but you are not obliged.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 09/02/2015 20:41

Gosh I had no idea, I feel under the spotlight now for moving as we are shortly moving again!
I will explain she is more than welcome to come however if she feels unnecessary as we move in may I understand, I'll leave it down to her.
I will mention my other child too and see if she wishes to meet both.
My last borough you had to push for anything so this is very different!

OP posts:
GratefulHead · 09/02/2015 20:41

Ex HV here, yes it's entirely routine and usual in most areas. If you move into an area with a child under five then the HV team should do a one off visit just to tell you what's in the area etc and also to just introduce the local health services etc. not saying at all that you are incapable of that but some are not. It's a blanket policy and is also supposed to pick up the families that move from area to area to avoid social services. I dealt with just such a family in my last year as a HV, baby in the family with severe developmental delay and they were moving all over the country to avoid social care who were involved due to Dad hVing punched Mum in the stomach during pregnancy (hence baby with major delay). She was still with him, he was still violent and the children were silent, watchful and filthy.
So yea, I can see why these visits HAVE to be done but the vast majority of the people I visited were like you OP, confused by my visit as they and their children were fine and they didn't need me.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 09/02/2015 21:17

Thankyou for your clarification.
I'm glad they have policies like this in place although the fact it's taken 5 months and only includes one child isn't very reassuring if it's meant to be helpful in stopping children slip through the net.
I wonder why people opt out then, is it because it feels like an invasion of privacy?

OP posts:
LuckyLopez · 09/02/2015 21:23

Just to be picky your dd is only 4y 5m at the most. (My dd is very beginning of sept and so she's the very oldest of the '4 year olds but not at school yet' ones).

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 09/02/2015 21:32

That my point, that my youngest is 3 years 4 months and my eldest is 4 years 5 months so you would think she would want to see both as both still well under 5

OP posts:
ATisketATasket · 09/02/2015 21:57

I wonder why people opt out then, is it because it feels like an invasion of privacy?
as a profession they are sometimes a bit misunderstood perhaps? the hvs i have met are busy with a lot of safeguarding, but are a good source of knowledge and a useful sounding board if you have any worries about your baby/child. I have never felt judged or snooped on by my hv.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 09/02/2015 22:23

Yes neither have I to be fair until this letter out of the blue which caught me by surprise!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottie10000 · 10/02/2015 12:05

B

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 10/02/2015 12:14

I opted out.
It wasn't a big deal. I did all the visits with my first but I found it a bit pointless really. My second son had SN so I learnt a huge amount about child development etc but my knowledge very quickly exceeded the HVs so visits ended up with me having to either politely correct their advice or listen to stuff that wasn't relevant.
When I had Dd I had two children, I knew what I was doing and frankly, life is too short.
I also wasn't getting DD vaccinated and having to explain all of that more than once was not a fun prospect. So I met with them, politely declined the visits and clinics and it was all fine.

muminhants · 10/02/2015 14:01

I never bothered when we moved when ds was 1 and HV wanted to visit. I just said I worked full-time (which was true) so they'd need to come outside the hours of 9-5. Of course they didn't want to do that so I never saw one except when my son had his 2 year check (do they still do those?).

BertieBrabinger · 10/02/2015 14:23

I never opted out, but the HV only came twice - week after birth, and then again a week later and never visited again. They were very nice too, I don't know why they never came back! I never asked to see them because I thought that was how it was (first and only DC) but I see so many threads on here about regular HV visits it has made me wonder, did they just forget us?!

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 16/02/2015 17:44

well I am now really embarrassed as she rang back this morning and I dropped the phone as I went to pick it up, said " oh shit " as I picked it off the floor and the call was bloody connected!!!
She just said they wanted to check everyone is okay and unless I would like her to come she won't bother as we move soon but she will take the new address down to pass over to the new health visiting team in case they wish to visit ( same borough different village )
I mentioned that they had only written to one child and she just said admin error, I asked if it was for a development check or anything and she just said no, but didn't elaborate on what it was actually for!!
So I'm still as confused as well as now mortified as I was before

OP posts:
LizzieMint · 16/02/2015 19:15

My health visitor popped round last week and she basically introduced herself, explained the services/groups that were relevant to us (not many!), asked if I had any concerns about my DD (who did nothing but talk about farting while the HV was here) and put a note in the red book that she'd been and there were no concerns.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 16/02/2015 23:32

Hi,
Thanks for your reply!
I wish I had just said what is it for but I didn't want to seem rude so found myself blabbering on about not being sure if it's a development check or something and she said no and I said she was welcome to come over but we are moving shortly and she said no she will pass it over to our new health visiting team but she didn't actually say what the visit was for!
Will look like a nutter now ringing back asking that so don't feel I can and still mega embarrassed the first thing she heard me say was oh shit!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottie10000 · 17/02/2015 06:17

!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lottie10000 · 17/02/2015 09:45

Ignore the last ! Done in error

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 10:05

I doubt health visitors ever swear Wink

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 10:08

Its just a transfer in visit. Unless there's something you're not telling us.
As pp have said. Quite routine, although the policy varies between health authorities.

Original poster
Lottie10000 · 17/02/2015 16:09

Nothing to really tell, I was investigated by social services years ago after my eldest had an accident which was very traumatic this was 2 years ago now and an assessment was done and closed, the health visitor offered to arrange counselling for me and that was that.
Last january me and my husband had an argument over him losing his car keys and the neighbour called the police who turned up and left, a week later we got a letter from the " intervention and prevention service " giving us their number if we needed an assistance, nothing from the health visitors.
So I would hope to think this wouldn't have anything to do with this letter and if it was she would still be visiting even though we move in a couple of months time.
Was a horrible time previously and I do worry a little more after it as it was so awful

OP posts:
TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 16:36

So you are avoiding them.
I think your anxiety is understandable. But if they are aware of your history i wondr if a visit might be better (to confirm that all is ok or to offer support if you need it) than refusing the service. Also, they might be oblivious to that history. Contact is expected to be made with families of children under five when they move into the area, that is standard. How its achieved (visit, letter, clinic invitation) varies between areas/ caseloads and family situations.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 17/02/2015 16:37

Sorry about that previous trouble. I hope you got the help you needed.