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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

selfish woman

45 replies

pklee · 08/02/2015 22:19

my ex got bored !mid lifer determined that I should leave and she should have the children( who are now very unhappy) and house /separated but stayed in the same house for a long while to give the children stability ,her mum came to stay rifled through my room so I put a lock on the door ,never said a word to her as she had come back to Britain to use nhs,stayed a month. then her dad came to stay for 3 months was an absolute arse to me and my eldest daughter and I asked him to leave after a month , when that happened she got nasty ,all the usual tactics that are advised on here were used until I felt so ill I had to leave ,cited in divorce unreasonable behaviour wouldn't let her parents stay !!!! now I am homeless and penniless she wants child maintenance spousal maintenance and my pension but earns more gets tax credits and has better pension kept all belongings and car and I am the arse for not paying!! I am under the doctor for depression and can hardly face work but that's still not enough why are some women so selfish?

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 08/02/2015 22:25

Sorry you are having a rough time. Not sure whether you are asking for advice or just a good vent (nothing wrong with that!). All the best!

[beer] Tardis

Original poster
pklee · 08/02/2015 22:27

thanks daisychain was expecting abuse

OP posts:
Lepaskilf · 08/02/2015 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 08/02/2015 22:38

Yeah single males have a terrible time of it. After all, she had the kids, she should pay for them, eh? Sorry you're going through it xxx

BTW - What are all the usual tactics we advise on here? Just so I know for when I throw my husband out for no reason whatsoever, just cos I'm a bitch?

Original poster
pklee · 08/02/2015 23:00

no, she took all then wanted more. I always supported my children even when she was determined to take everything but if you want everything then pay for it don't expect it always .try starting again from scratch at 50 with a maintenance order and no where to live ,then be as derisory as you are !!

OP posts:
Original poster
pklee · 08/02/2015 23:03

My ex is down stairs refusing to leave what can i do? this thread is the tacts I mean

OP posts:
DoJo · 08/02/2015 23:04

Have you got somewhere safe to stay? You need to make sure you are taking care of yourself as your children need you even if they aren't with you all the time. Keep talking to your GP, access as much support as you can and work out the other stuff when you are feeling stronger...

SabrinaMulhollandJjones1984 · 08/02/2015 23:09

I thought you'd already been forced to leave?

How come you're now expecting your ex to leave?

rinabean · 08/02/2015 23:18

The Tactics

whothehellknows · 09/02/2015 03:55

Ok, so your ex determined that the relationship was over. It's understandable to be upset about that, and the changes that have been forced on your life.

You carried on living in the house for several months after that point. Had you made any efforts to seek other accommodation? Once the relationship has broken down, unfortunately, staying in the home causes added tension and strain on everyone. It's best to get clear and into a different environment.

It's rare in a divorce for one party to walk away completely penniless. Do you have a job to help you earn money for rent / deposit on a new place?

She may or may not be entitled to spousal maintenance. Child maintenance, on the other hand, is money for your children. They still deserve your contribution to their upbringing, even if you are no longer married.

Aherdofmims · 09/02/2015 16:08

Hmmm. I think in general terms single white (I appreciate you may not be white) British males still come out more fortunate than other groups.

You may well not be unreasonable op, but you have had some odd responses on here.

Best of luck as you are having a bad time.

Aherdofmims · 09/02/2015 16:11

She won't necessarily get those things because she wants them.

I just want a million pounds...

LineRunner · 09/02/2015 16:15

Spousal maintenance is very rare. Why are you paying it?

slug · 09/02/2015 16:18

Are you confusing spousal maintenance with child maintenance?

Icimoi · 09/02/2015 16:19

Get legal advice from a lawyer specialising in family law.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/02/2015 16:19

If your XP is in your new home (and you are not sharing the family home) and refusing to leave, you can call the police to have her removed.

BuzzardBird · 09/02/2015 16:21

I don't think OP is paying Line. He said "I am the arse for not paying".

Are you out of work OP or on long term sick?

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 09/02/2015 16:22

I didn't think spousal maintenance was even a thing anymore, except for in very specific circumstances.

And yes, if you've already left why are you upstairs - are you hiding in a cupboard like that woman in Japan?

treaclesoda · 09/02/2015 16:23

If you've already been forced to leave, and you're homeless where are you that your ex is downstairs refusing to leave? It's not clear, your posts seem to contradict each other?

BuzzardBird · 09/02/2015 16:24

I could be wrong but I think OP was referring to the type of thread when someone says "My ex is downstairs and refuses to leave" as being the sort when the OP gets advice on how to get someone to leave?

BuzzardBird · 09/02/2015 16:26

OP, have you had your free 30 min consultation with a solicitor? Or maybe Citizen's advice?

SoupDragon · 09/02/2015 16:26

Had you made any efforts to seek other accommodation?

Out of curiosity, why should he be the one to find new accommodation and not her? Assuming she has decided to end it and he hasn't been a total arse prior to that.

BigBoobiedBertha · 09/02/2015 16:27

The ex isn't downstairs. He is referring to the tactics he thinks are used by some women to get their ex out of the house. There should have been a set of inverted commas around it or something .

BigBoobiedBertha · 09/02/2015 16:28

I think you need legal advice over this.

How old are your children?

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