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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

selfish woman

45 replies

pklee · 08/02/2015 22:19

my ex got bored !mid lifer determined that I should leave and she should have the children( who are now very unhappy) and house /separated but stayed in the same house for a long while to give the children stability ,her mum came to stay rifled through my room so I put a lock on the door ,never said a word to her as she had come back to Britain to use nhs,stayed a month. then her dad came to stay for 3 months was an absolute arse to me and my eldest daughter and I asked him to leave after a month , when that happened she got nasty ,all the usual tactics that are advised on here were used until I felt so ill I had to leave ,cited in divorce unreasonable behaviour wouldn't let her parents stay !!!! now I am homeless and penniless she wants child maintenance spousal maintenance and my pension but earns more gets tax credits and has better pension kept all belongings and car and I am the arse for not paying!! I am under the doctor for depression and can hardly face work but that's still not enough why are some women so selfish?

OP posts:

treaclesoda · 09/02/2015 16:29

Ah, thank you. I didn't follow it at all. Makes sense now.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/02/2015 16:31

Well, generally it's easier for a single man to find a room for rent rather thn a woman with children to do so.
OP, if you are still living in the family home despite the relationship being over, it probably is a good idea to consult a solicitor. It's very unlikely that you will be able to remain in the home by yourself: courts mostly leave the children and their main carer in the family home. You don't mention having been the stay-at-home parent. However, it may be that the court will order the home sold and the proceeds divided.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2015 16:32

Why should she have the children?

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 09/02/2015 16:34

I don't think anyone is saying she should have the children, just that courts generally leave children and their main carer in the family home. The OP doesn't mention being the main carer.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/02/2015 16:34

Presumably because she was the one who did most of the childcare. OP does not mention being SAHP which suggests the mother was.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2015 16:36

He says the mother is earning more than him which suggests she isn't a SAHP either.

BigBoobiedBertha · 09/02/2015 16:37

No the ex earns more than him and gets the tax credits and a better pension. She doesn't appear to be a SAHM.

I asked how old the children are as they should really have a say in who they want to be with. Plus it sounds like the elder daughter at least needs protecting from the ex's family.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2015 16:37

It's just interesting.

edamsavestheday · 09/02/2015 16:54

You don't have to be a SAHP to be the main carer. It's not unknown for one parent to do most of the hands-on stuff and most of the organisation as well, even when both work.

OP is clearly very bitter but doesn't actually give any details about what his ex-wife has done that is so terrible. When people split up, they tend not to like each other very much, doesn't make the wife automatically the wicked witch of the west.

edamsavestheday · 09/02/2015 16:58

And I think bitter accusations that his ex-wife 'used all the tactics that are advised on here' (WTF?) show this guy is not a reasonable nice person being hard done by. At best he's extremely bitter and woman-blaming - not just his ex but us for somehow giving his ex ideas.

MoanCollins · 09/02/2015 17:14

Hmmm, the OP has cited a specific thread which is nearly two years old and only had 70 replies. Not a classic. Probably not something anybody would recall unless somehow involved....

OP, you mention you are suffering from depression, you sound down, like you might be in crisis. Do you have someone you can contact if that's the case, do you have support?

BuzzardBird · 09/02/2015 17:20

Any chance of a link to that Moan?

PtolemysNeedle · 09/02/2015 17:21

I agree that single men are at the bottom of the pile for assistance in this country.

Some women are selfish for the same reason that some men are selfish, they just are.

OP, you have every right to stay in your own home, if your ex wants to leave then she can. You can go to court for residency of the children, and if you want to be their primary carer then that's what you should do. You shouldn't pay her a penny, provide for your children by setting yourself up with a home that they can live with you in or they can visit in, and until you have that sorted, don't worry about paying her anything.

LineRunner · 09/02/2015 17:33

I don't think single men are 'lower' than single women. Or vice versa.

PavlovtheCat · 09/02/2015 17:39

Is the 'ex downstairs' in that thread you OP?

Hamiltoes · 09/02/2015 17:52

Agree entirely with plotemy.

Judging from the original post, what makes it so certain that he should be the one leaving? Because a female said so and because he has a cock?

We can't possibly know enough to say who is being unreasonable here, or who is the children's main carer, or anything about the circumstances of the split. Blatant sexism as far as i'm concerned.

SolidGoldBrass · 09/02/2015 18:07

Actually, when someone posts about the end of a relationship, they usually give some details as to a) the cause (violence, infidelity, addiction or wanting different things) and a depiction of what the relationship had previously been like. At least, an OP usually states who was the SAHP, how old the DC are, etc. OP in this thread seems to be having a bit of a pity party without offering much information. Maybe he neither worked for a wage nor did any domestic work and the XW got tired of giving him a free ride.

LineRunner · 09/02/2015 18:11

OP, what are the circumstances?

whothehellknows · 09/02/2015 18:14

The original post doesn't give enough info to say who "should" leave the house.

It does indicate that both parties were living in the same house and that the situation caused tension.

OP states that he is receiving treatment for depression, homeless and penniless.

That's why I asked if he had made any effort to seek alternative accommodation. Somehow he went from being in an unpleasant shared house situation to being homeless and penniless. How did that come about? It seems a strange turn of events.

MoanCollins · 09/02/2015 19:09

Ptolemy, I think you've completely misunderstood the thread. They are divorced and no longer live together. The 'ex downstairs' refers to a thread from 2013 which may have been the OPs ex.

I think some time has elapsed since the split. I don't think there is any question the OP can stay in or return to the family home now. I'm not sure the OP is asking for advice anyway. They just sound like they're feeling very down about the whole situation and need a vent and/or some sympathy.

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