To view family 'help and concern' as controlling and patronising?

[Needgloves]

I have recently split from my abusive partner - he has moved out after I threatened to call the police about his violent behaviour. So now living alone with my ds and feeling a lot better. I really want to start up my own business and I have got a plan which I am excited about and think, could work.
I am constantly getting interrogated by my family and ex in laws about my financial situation and today my mil said to me that I 'need to make sure I have enough money coming in to pay the mortgage' (no shit!!) and 'the thing about doing your own thing and being creative is that it will probably only give you pocket money' and then she wants to know the figures and details of my finances and asks if I have worked it all out. I honestly felt about 12. And I thought, it's none of your f*ing business!
Then I hear her on the phone talking about me as if I am a flipping child. I think they all think I am nuts to want to start a business and doomed to fail.
I feel so downhearted now and annoyed because I can spoken to/about like I am a poor little deluded idiot.

Or are they just being concerned and I am being ungrateful? It's not like they are horrible (apart from my father who really does think I am a major problem)
Why should I have to justify myself.

I think the issues need to be separated, your family and ex in laws have done little to support you in your relationship with your ex, so of course they are not going to be supportive of a new business. However that does not make their concern for a new business invalid, I would worry for anyone starting a new business with no other form of income. That does not mean you should not start a new business but expect people to have concerns.

Needgloves - my family were dead set against my business plan many moons ago!

I was wanting to set up a cleaning business as I had identified a huge need for the kind of service i was wanting to supply! I had great plans and had my costings quantified and price structure in place. I spent so long building the foundations of the business and was often in my office until gone midnight then up again out cleaning myself all day.

These plans went against my parents middle class ideals of 'go to university and into a profession' to say my cleaning business ownership was a disappointment to them is an understatement, they used to talk over me when i was exitedly chatting about meeting goals and adding clients and staff and they would very often refer to me as 'a cleaner' - nothing wrong with being a cleaner of course, and it was one of my many roles but all my other vital roles within my fledgling company were viewed as very minor - I was a cleaner too them and they found me very odd in my desire to be such!

I kept being encouraged back into secretarial work I would protest that I was earning three times as much and owned a company - glazed over faces, "but you are a cleaner and yet you are a qualified PA!"

Now I am on my third cleaning business structured to be exactly how I want it to be all my previous experience has led me to my ultimate dream, I am also on the panel of a growing cleaning association and am respected within the industry!

This stated obviously not to brag but to encourage you to do it - just do it do not listen to naysayers, when you start a business there will be more discouragement to brush off than you knew existed in the world but just march on forward and push on through - DO IT honestly! If you listen to them, you will fail, humour them, ignore them but get on with it and you can make your dreams realilty. Nobody else understands the passion of business owners - they don't need to but it will drive you forward through everything!

My parents are sadly no longer with us and I am sad they cannot see me today because they would have to acknowledge what it was all about! They would have seen clearly my goals have come to fruition, they would have been proud!

I feel sure you can do it if you want to enough! Nobody can shake you unless you let them!

Ballsforearrings - thank you SO much for sharing your story, wow I LOVE reading about success stories such as yours! Very inspirational. Well done you Yes, I get it about the passion. It's been bubbling inside me for the last 15 years or so and for the first time ever I actually have a genuine drive.
I do get it about the financial risk though, but I want it to work so much I just feel I will bloody well make it work. Last week I spent hours working on my business plan and it was one of the best weeks I have had for a long time. i woke up every morning feeling really excited. I have got loads of ideas.
And because I don't have xp to 'report' to anymore, I am just doing what my instincts tell me, for once.
Problem is I still get the Wobblies when the naysayers get involved. That's why I feel really 'blurgh' today as I have been in their company this weekend.

Don't get me wrong Needgloves - wobbles are still with me at times, they are normal, they get to everyone in business! Believe me we discus wobbles frequently on our trade association forum but if you want it badly enough you feel the fear and do it anyway (to coin a phrase!). My own favourite saying is sort what needs sorting and then forward march!

Read E-myth revisited, and other motivational business books. They keep your exitement levels where they need to be to keep at it!

The trouble with the negative people is that the natural wobbles you will experience as normal can be made intolerable by these people as they tap into your natural inner fears, the fears you need to move past! Get as much positive material in front of you as you can to survive this! Are there forums you can join within your chosen industry? Get support and supportive reading matter! This is your armour and you mental defence against negative influence! I am a big fan of Zigar Ziglar (deceased american motivational speaker) I've 'liked' the facebook page and get a lot of inspirational material on my newsfeed, I want to read his books next too, the material addresses all these issues that business owners suffer!

I wish you best of luck, I also feel from what you are saying that you CAN do this! Sustain that passion!

• Zig Ziglar - not Zigar Ziglar duh!

Given how badly all these people treat you I would take their criticism as a mark that you actually are on the right track. It would be far more worrying if they were telling you that you were doing the right thing, given that they don't seem to like you to succeed or do well at things, only if they give you permission to .

So every time they say something negative, think 'thank you, I'll take that as a sign that you think I'm going to do well and you're trying to put me down where you'd like me to be' and convert all their negativity into positive enthusiasm and energy to push you forward!

maybe they're jealous of you starting up your own business, good for you by the way.

i like the stock replies you can give them when they interfere/ask/quiz you on your business. when you are the next richard branson they'll be all over you like a cheap suit.