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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder why people assume I should want a daughter

36 replies

Lazaretto · 08/02/2015 20:09

I have two boys. I am frequently asked if I will be trying for a girl. I'm happy with two boys and I don't feel any need to have another child to try for a daughter. So what am I missing out on? I don't have a great relationship with my mum so I'm intrigued...Don't worry I'm not going to change my mind...just curious?

OP posts:

LokiBear · 08/02/2015 20:13

I think people just say dumb things when making small talk. I love my dd to bits but her gender is irrelevant. She is the best thing in my life because she is my kid.

Only1scoop · 08/02/2015 20:15

If you had two girls I guess they'd be presuming you want a boy....its a small talk thing....

Also the presumption that everyone wants a dd...

BlinkAndMiss · 08/02/2015 20:17

I'm having another boy, I already have DS 1. The amount of pitying looks I've had when telling other people is ridiculous. I'm made up to be having another DS, I'm sure a DD would have been amazing but no more so than having another DS. People are just stupid.

JohnPlayingDarts · 08/02/2015 20:17

I have 2 boys as well and love the bones of them.....and yet....one day they will grow up and quite rightly fall in love and put their partners first. And for the majority of people, a mother daughter relationship remains closer into adulthood. For some reason it's quite natural for a women to be close to their mothers but a son close to his mother is seen as a 'mummy's boy'

NowABitShapeless · 08/02/2015 20:18

I have two boys too and get asked if I will try for a girl. It's irritating.

MessyHairSoThere · 08/02/2015 20:18

If you say you don't I believe you but it's not an unreasonable assumption.

I'm single and everybody assumes I would prefer to be married/with somebody. I can't go round correcting everybody.

SylvaniansKeepGettingHoovered · 08/02/2015 20:20

I have two DDs and people ask me if I want a boy....especially older people

When I was pregnant the second time, i.e. when I'd already had DD1, an elderly woman said to me 'I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you that this next one is a boy, you will be wanting one of each of course'

RedRideMeGood · 08/02/2015 20:22

People have all sorts of reasons for assuming you'd like a girl. When I was pregnant with DS people told me I wanted a daughter because I'm an only child so don't know what boys are like as I didn't have a brother (my 4 younger cousins are boys, we are a very close family). I'm a beauty therapist so would want "something you can dress up" and that because XP worked shifts I would be alone with DC a lot and I wouldn't know what to do with a boy.

l 'knew' I was having a boy as soon as l saw the second line on the test and I'm so glad I was right.

Pilgit · 08/02/2015 20:23

I don't get it either. I have two girls and the number of people who ask me if DH (always with a slightly pitying look) is upset at not having a son. DH couldn't care less.

InQuiteAPickle · 08/02/2015 20:23

Oh God! Same here except I have two DDs. It drives me up the wall. People assume that DH would love a son and feel a bit sorry for him when they couldn't be more wrong. He really wanted another little girl before we had DD2, he doesn't miss out on "lad things". Both girls love to play football with him etc.

I'd rather saw my right arm off than have another child but people see us as being incomplete, I think!

However, my friend gets looked at like she's a loon for wanting more - she has a boy and a girl but wants more children. People think that she should be finished because she has the "perfect pair" when it was never about what sex they were, she just wants lots of kids!

Original poster

Lazaretto · 08/02/2015 20:25

To be fair...I have noticed girls sometimes have more time for their parents as they get older... but not sure that's a good reason to have a child :)

OP posts:

Original poster

Lazaretto · 08/02/2015 20:26

Actually... that's so true. Must be the same if you have 2 girls. I guess people just like the "ideal" one of each!

OP posts:

needaholidaynow · 08/02/2015 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

samithesausage · 08/02/2015 20:28

4 boys. I still get asked if I will try for a girl. (Do they think I should keep popping them out til I get one )
The most positive thing I heard was from an old indian guy in a shop... "Are they all your boys?" I nodded and expected an oh dear here it comes about not having a girl... The guy replied "ah yes you are very fortunate to have 4 boys, they will look after you when you are older!"

jaggythistle · 08/02/2015 20:29

I'm pg with DC3 and have two boys. Loads of people seem to be hoping its a girl. I've not found out so they'll have to wait and see!

I'm not really bothered either way, I just wanted another little person. :)

InQuiteAPickle · 08/02/2015 20:32

Actually, my SIL used to work in a care home and said that it always seemed like the sons visited and cared for the parents most often.

I think that it depends on the person and how they were brought up, regardless of gender.

I often get told that boys are "so loving" and "girls are bitchy" and boys are "laid back" while girls are "high maintainance". Sometimes people say it the other way around. My 7 year old hasn't got a bitchy bone in her body, she's very kind.

k4yb33 · 08/02/2015 20:32

It's just rubbish talk. Ppl will say anything, u have 2 dd's u must want a boy, if u have 2 ds's u must want a girl if u have one of each I guess ur done. I'm the last group. Have one of each. Ppl presume I'm done. I'm not actually but I blag and say ill keep going till I've hit menopause (I wont think id be mentally drained by then)

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 08/02/2015 20:36

I work with older people and when I was very obviously pg it went:

"Oh is this your first"
No, my second
"What have you got aleady"
I have a 2yo son
"Oh, so you want a girl"

Not- "would you like a DD" or "Oh a girl would be nice"

I said I didn't know (though I did)

It's one of 'those' things.

needaholidaynow · 08/02/2015 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrystalHaze · 08/02/2015 20:38

In reality, I doubt people really care one way or the other. They're making small talk and focus on one thing that is apparent about your life (the gender of your children) and think of a question based around that.

jellybeans · 08/02/2015 20:42

I think mainly it is because people assume you want one of each. but also that girls seem more 'popular' with some parents because they are seen as easier and stick around when you are older (I don't think either are true).

In addition, friends I know with boys who were 'desperate' for girls wanted to do 'girly' things such as have 'pamper days' and buy girls frills. I have 2 DDs and never did the frills or 'girly' days. They wore jeans and played with cars as much as dolls.

I had 2 DDs first (i have 3 DS also now) and DH was always pitied. A friend's husband said perhaps my DH had 'weak' sperm and that girls just 'weren't the same'. That person now has his own girl and is besotted!!

Original poster

Lazaretto · 08/02/2015 20:44

It is funny though...I do wonder what expectations people have of girls and boys...as some people do have interventions to guarantee one or the other...

OP posts:

jellybeans · 08/02/2015 20:45

'When I found out I was having another boy second time around people actually asked me if I was disappointed.'

needaholidaynow

This happened to a friend of mine with her second son. I was out with her and she was proudly pushing her beautiful new son in his pram. An acquaintance came across and asked her if she was disappointed!!!Erm no she was thrilled with her healthy baby!

Hamiltoes · 08/02/2015 20:47

I have 2 girls and would definitely try again in the hopes of having a little boy.

I realise on MN that makes me odd and as some pps have used the word "stupid" but I don't care.

When I had my first I really wanted a girl, because me and my mum are so close I'd love something similar when I'm older. Was over the moon when it was a girl. Second time hoped for a boy, when I found out it was a girl its not like she was any less wanted fgs! I was excited to have sisters, something I never had.

And now I want a boy because, well I like boys I don't see there being anything at all wrong with that.

And when they ask, its probably small talk!

BingBong36 · 08/02/2015 20:49

I have 2 boys 6 and 3. I've only had 1 comment asking if I would be trying of a girl ! I'm shocked I haven't had any comments from people!

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