AIBU to wonder why people assume I should want a daughter

[Lazaretto]

I have two boys. I am frequently asked if I will be trying for a girl. I'm happy with two boys and I don't feel any need to have another child to try for a daughter. So what am I missing out on? I don't have a great relationship with my mum so I'm intrigued...Don't worry I'm not going to change my mind...just curious?

I have one of each and I get the 'oh, so you won't be having any more then'. Well probably not, but not because I've got one of both but because I didn't really want more than two. DH said he wanted 2 when I was pregnant with DC2, we knew he was a boy and people were aghast as to why. Umm well if you want 3 you want 3. changed his mind thankfully

I have two boys and a third on the way. I'd say at least 50% of people we told asked if we wanted or had been "trying for" a girl when actually we hadn't planned on this one at all and yes, also been asked if I'm disappointed not to be expecting a girl... by a midwife?! It's ridiculous!

Because you can dress a little girl so nicely get a doll ffs

Because of the mythically fantastic mother daughter bond not a given

Because you get to be mother of the bride one day I can't believe I've seen that mentioned so much

This "if I could choose off a shelf I'd choose a girl" mentality seems overwhelming at times and really ticks me off.

I have boys and girls, by the way. It just really annoys me - boys are equally as fantastic as girls!!

A lot of expecting couples expect people outside of their close friends and family to be interested in their pregnancy. If they tell someone they are pregnant they consider it rude for that person to say 'congratulations' and move on to another topic so people have to come up with something to say. There's not really a lot that can be said before the baby is born so they ask about the possible sex of the child or say something about the impending lack of sleep and the couple get offended anyway. It would be annoying but it's not worth getting upset or cross about. You could just say you would love a daughter or another son as you know you make fantastic sons. It doesn't matter if they think you would prefer to have both sexes or not. Personally, I would love 3 sons or 3 daughters. I imagine there would be lots of fun to be had with 3 of the same sex, not to mention clothes sharing. I have 2 of 1 and 1 of the other and that's great too. Maybe some people would prefer 1 of 1 & 2 of the other. It doesn't bother me. I've got it good and it sounds like you have too.

Sorry, did not mean to write so much.

People say a lot of stupid stuff. I know a woman who has three boys; after her third son was born people kept commiserating with her, saying things like "I heard what happened so annoying for you to have another boy". Rather than congratulating her on a healthy baby. Similar thing happened to a lady who had two older boys then twin boys. She got lots of "that's so unlucky you'd think out of two you'd get at least one girl".

I guess people think there are some things you only do with boys (play football etc) and some you do with girls (dress up, plan a big wedding etc) and they want to experience both (and assume the kids are going to fit in with these expectations).

When pregnant with ds2 we got fed up with people wondering why we were having dc3 when we already had 1 of each. Found it quite amusing just how many different ways people asked 'was it planned' from subtle do outright direct! I think it is just the questions that people seem to ask

When I was pregnant with baby 1 many people said "I'm sure you are hoping for a boy" (I'm from an ethnicity which is perceived to favour boys)

baby 2 was a girl: "Aww you have a gentleman's family now"

baby 3: another girl "Aww that is nice, I'm sure your husband wants a boy next time?"

baby 4: "It must be a boy, you have had two girls in a row!" It was a girl, cue lots of "aww, better luck next time"

baby 5: "You must be desperate for a boy this time. I'm sure you are fed up with pink" Another girl. Lots and lots of sympathy.

^The above comments were all from randomers on the street btw.

Oh I forgot after 3rd girl I had a few people give me advice on how to "get" a boy. Chinese tables, diet, sex on certain days and the weirdest being someone told me she made a pump and "pumped" herself with vinegar before TTC to get the gender she wanted.

I did actually know of all these things beforehand, but it really never occured to me to try anything as I honestly was never bothered.

It's strange isn't it... I have one of each and a surprisingly large number of people, including doctors and midwives, have assumed we won't be having any more because we've already been "clever" enough to have both sexes.

I'm the eldest of 3 sisters because my parents wanted 4 children then decided it would be too hard after number 3 3 children. When I started my own family numerous people suggested my parents would want a grandson because obviously they'd been trying for a boy with my DSisters. Even when I said no, they just wanted 3 kids and no, they didn't mind what I had, people looked sceptical. It had never occured to me before that people might have another child in the hope of having the 'missing' gender. Some of these people, including my MIL, have three children of the same sex, so I assume my wonderful DH was a bit of a disappointment when he came along as boy number 3.