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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to complain to a large supermarket via social media regarding breastfeeding

95 replies

jemima1988 · 07/02/2015 20:03

in my local supermarket they have a breastfeeding room it's fab and I use it a lot..
I visited the same supermarket in a different location I didn't realise that not all branches had this facility. Whilst in there today u asked a member of staff where the breastfeeding room was he very rudely told me to use the disabled toilets! There is a cafe in the supermarket why not recommended that first ?!?
I have messaged said supermarket on twitter saying I felt upset

am i being hormonal and UR?

OP posts:
WD41 · 07/02/2015 20:37

Why lol at BFing training? There have been enough instances of people being asked to stop or to move to prove that employees and employers aren't always aware that BFing mothers are protected by law to feed in public.

QTPie · 07/02/2015 20:38

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

FayKorgasm · 07/02/2015 20:39

I think you are looking to be offended by something that wasn't there. You indicated you wanted privacy by asking for a bf room and he offered you the alternative he felt fitted.
I have sat in many supermarket cafes and bf without buying anything and nothing was ever said to me.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 07/02/2015 20:40

I think its unreasonable to expect a bf room in every store. For lots of reasons
If OP had asked where she could bf and been directed to the loo then that is worthy, imo, of robust complaint.
I think it might be more confusing for someone when asked about a bf room. The member of staff shouldnt have recommended the loo and that can reasonably be addressed with the company, but its not the same as not being "permitted" to feed in the cafe or on a bench.
Fwiw I have often fed on the floor level windowsill of many supermarkets when there has been no cafe. Never raised an eyebrow.

26Point2Miles · 07/02/2015 20:42

Because it isn't training is it. Really it's just a quick conversation

TheRealAmandaClarke · 07/02/2015 20:46

Well it is training.
It might only rquire a brief intervention but that doesn't mean its not training.
Public facing staff have many issies to deal with that might not be within their sphere of knowledge or experience. Bf "training" is not much dofferent from diversity/ health and safety training (for example) they dont need to become peer supporters to have situation-specific training.

AliceInHinterland · 07/02/2015 21:12

The OP thought there would be a breastfeeding room, reasonable since another branch had one. The next best alternative is not a toilet. In fact I would rather feed in aisle six than sit in a toilet. It's pretty insulting, so it's fine for her to ask the store just to remind their staff what to do in this circumstance, just as they should encourage staff to be tactful to anyone with specific needs.

Burke1 · 07/02/2015 21:21

Most cafes have some kind of policy that you need to buy something before using the tables. He maybe suggested the toilets as a "free" way for you to do it , instead of having to buy a bottle of coke or something.

TheCraicDealer · 07/02/2015 21:22

There are many reasons why someone might prefer to use a breastfeeding room, privacy being the most obvious. Although some posters might rail against being a disabled toilet being mooted as a possible option, what other room offers similar facilities (self-contained room, lockable door, seat, mirror to tidy self up afterwards, etc.)? Yes, eating in a toilet is grim whatever age you are, but when there’s no other option and you want or need privacy a seat in an aisle or a café just isn’t going to cut it. It would be great if everyone felt comfortable feeding in public and these facilities weren’t needed, but unfortunately we’re not there yet.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/02/2015 21:34

You asked for a breastfeeding room.

He assumed you wanted a private area in which to breastfeed, and suggested the best option available at that store.

He didn't suggest the cafe because a) it is not a private space, and that's what he assumed you wanted and b) he also probably assumed that you knew the cafe was there, and would have gone to feed there, if you were happy to do so.

By all means, jemima, you could complain to the store about their lack of a reasonable, private place for breastfeeding mothers who want privacy, and point out that the toilets are unsuitable for hygiene reasons, and also because it is not reasonable for the disabled toilet to be unavailable for any disabled person needing it, for however long it takes for someone to feed their baby.

But do not complain about this poor chap who did his best to meet your needs, within the constraints of his store, and his inability to magic up either a private room for you, or a teleported to whisk you to the store with a breastfeeding room.

PatriciaHolm · 07/02/2015 21:36

I would assume that, if there was a cafe, you were asking the question because you wanted somewhere more private. So his suggestion was the best private area he could think of, as he assumed you didn't want to feed in the cafe.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 07/02/2015 21:40

Oh.... another outraged BF thread. Hmm
Why don't you plan a mass BF sit in at their head office. That'll tell them.

grobagsforever · 07/02/2015 21:48

Oh FFS. I spend my weekends dragging BF DD2 round after DD1. If I didn't BF her anywhere and everywhere we'd have a serious problem. Cafés, pubs, trains, buses, airports, castles, ball pit, the street, a bench, a church, a beach....list goes on. A breastfeeding room? Give me strength.

DancingDays · 07/02/2015 21:49

He offered you an option, he didn't force you in there and bolt the door.

I breastfed 3 DC and have never had an issue feeding. I understand some do but this seems over the top. I would agree strongly with a complaint if you had been feeding and he directed to to the toilets. But you asked for assistance in finding a space to feed privately and he offered one option.

UncleT · 07/02/2015 21:55

Surely the point is that she simply asked, but was allegedly responded to rudely?

MorrisZapp · 07/02/2015 21:57

I was never happy bf in public and would much rather have fed in a toilet than in a brightly lit, busy cafe. I can't see a hygiene issue with it and I don't get the outrage at using toilets for privacy, assuming they are clean and have enough space to do so.

The OP asked for a private space, the poor guy did his best to suggest one. I'm baffled that some people think that bf mothers need specially trained staff to suggest they bf in a cafe. Surely people can choose to bf in cafes without help from anybody else.

coffeeandcalpol · 07/02/2015 21:57

I think yabu, he may have thought you wanted privacy and had no other private room to offer, you could have gone to the cafe, not all buildings allow for a private breastfeeding room, shame he same across as rude and should know a toilet isn't suitable though

LadyLuck10 · 07/02/2015 22:00

Agree with Cantbelieve this is boring now op, all this outrage over bf. nobody stopped you from doing it, just that you expected some extra special attention because you were bf.

MarthaMonkeynuts · 07/02/2015 22:01

what other room offers similar facilities (self-contained room, lockable door, seat, mirror to tidy self up afterwards, etc.)?

Clothes changing rooms, if they have them
Often have nearby sofas for waiting people too, which could also be used.

26Point2Miles · 07/02/2015 22:28

Where would people get changed if they are full of mothers?

Anyway, op has not hung around..... Didn't get what she wanted from this thread I suppose

MidniteScribbler · 08/02/2015 00:27

Did the OP really ask for 'the breastfeeding room'? Anywhere that has that sort of facility is normally labelled as a 'parent's room', after all, it's not restricted solely to breastfeeding women, it's somewhere to change nappies, feed (either breast or bottle), usually with a toilet big enough to take the pram in. IF the OP asked for the 'parent's room' then he probably assumed she wanted to change the baby and directed her towards the baby change table which is often in the toilet for disabled users. I doubt many young men spend much time thinking of the requirements of breastfeeding women, and probably just made thought 'woman asking about facilities for a baby' and his mind thought about where he knew the changing facilities were.

Not everything in life needs a social media campaign.

TheRavenChides · 08/02/2015 01:23

House!

Hmm
flamingoland · 08/02/2015 09:37

Get a grip

26Point2Miles · 08/02/2015 17:34

You speak sense there media

'Breastfeeding' room indeed!

Nolim · 08/02/2015 17:41

The employee was bu.

But by making a mountain out of a molehill i think that you are bu as well op.

So the dont have a bf room. That is not ideal but not illegal either as far as i know. I would have just gone to the cafe, not order anything and bf my baby. Had thet told me not to bf in the cafe then i would have shown the the wrath of a mother!!!!