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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That awkward moment when...

57 replies

QueenLego · 07/02/2015 19:15

Your friends text asking why you're not at the wedding yet and it dawns on you that you have an evening invite and they are all invited to the day. AIBU to feel hurt?

Would you still go?

OP posts:
Panzee · 07/02/2015 19:46

How close can you all be if you all only noticed on the day?

MarchEliza · 07/02/2015 19:48

Had a similar thing recently: was invited to engagement party and bride texted me for postal address for invitation. Then didn't get invited after all! All the other people in the friendship group were a bit Blush about it and it was embarrassing as people kept texting me saying things like 'what are you wearing to x's wedding?' And I had to say -' er, well not actually invited... 'Hmm

Original poster
QueenLego · 07/02/2015 19:48

When I said I felt like they'd be sat discussing it I meant after I replied to their text messages saying we only had an evening invite. They'll feel like they've put their foot in it now.

Really don't understand it. Checked the invite and it's definitely an evening invite Sad

OP posts:
CrystalHaze · 07/02/2015 19:49

That's exactly it, tulip - why sit and stew about if you don't know why you were not invited to the day - could have been a mix-up, could have been any one of a number of reasons.

Comparing your situation to that of others never ends well and never makes you feel good.

Original poster
QueenLego · 07/02/2015 19:51

We're all old friends. Without being to specific we all trained together years ago and meet up every few months. This is why I, and they have only realised today...

OP posts:
bloodygorgeous · 07/02/2015 19:52

Wouldn't mind at all and would still go.

I'm not particularly sensitive though.

I'd think 'oh numbers were squashy and they've concluded I'm slightly less of a close friend than the rest of the group, that's all'.

Plus evening's the best bit!

bloodygorgeous · 07/02/2015 19:52

(sorry if you are hurt though QueenLego)

CrystalHaze · 07/02/2015 19:54

How close can you all be if you all only noticed on the day?

That puzzled me too - did no one discuss the wedding at all on the run up?

'Ooh, what are you going to wear? Are you wearing a hat?'
'Nah, I'd only wear a hat I if I was going to the day bit.'
'Oh, well actually ...'

CrystalHaze · 07/02/2015 19:55

Oops, cross-posted

lougle · 07/02/2015 20:02

Are you slightly closer in distance? Perhaps others live too far away to be given evening only invites?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 07/02/2015 20:45

YNBU. If I was the only friend not invited I'd be texting back saying stick your wedding where the sun fails to shine!. Sorry probably not helpful

JaneFonda · 07/02/2015 21:15

Are you sure you're the only one from the entire group who was invited to the evening only?

laughingmyarseoff · 07/02/2015 21:23

That's very awkward. I'd like to say yes I would hold my head high, take a card and go drink an dance. Whether I''d do that though i do't home, seems like a snub to invite everyone else.

Original poster
QueenLego · 07/02/2015 21:33

Have been and definitely the only one not invited. Other friends all assumed I was invited all day too. We have all been texting about outfits and arrangements in the run up.

No idea why but I've been and shown my face. Just need to consider how to move forward. Feel really hurt Sad

OP posts:
CrapBag · 07/02/2015 21:35

Yanbu. It seems odd and a bit shitty to exclude 1 from the group.

CrapBag · 07/02/2015 21:37

Didn't they say anything? Didn't the bride say anything?!

I think i'd distance myself from the bride but not the others. It's not their fault. They probably felt awkward too.

Original poster
QueenLego · 07/02/2015 21:39

They just said they felt awkward. Bride just said thanks for coming and would never mention it to her today.

OP posts:
GokTwo · 07/02/2015 21:40

Things like that are so horrible. I had a similar experience this year when the first time I realised I hadn't been invited to a friend's wedding was when another friend sent me a photo! I was so hurt but what can you do? It's up to them who they invite but I can't deny it's changed our friendship simply because I realise I wasn't as good a friend to her as I'd assumed. It's a hard thing to broach with someone, that's the problem really. You may never know the reasoning behind her decision.

TSSDNCOP · 07/02/2015 21:42

Hold your head up OP. It's the Bride that will look the knobber here.

lougle · 07/02/2015 22:22

I'm sorrySad

MayLuke83 · 07/02/2015 22:25

Poor you OP. Good on you for going though!

ExitPursuedByABear · 07/02/2015 22:28

We got an evening only invite to a wedding and were surprised and a little hurt. Then the invite was changed to an all day one. Presume someone had declined so we were moved up. We went but it changed the friendship.

funnyface31 · 07/02/2015 22:38

I am not sure I would want to spend my time and money, If I thought I was part of a group and then bumped to evening only.
I think if the friendship was going to suffer then why go and share their day.

ChippingInGluggingOn · 07/02/2015 22:47

You didn't stay long. Did you feel very uncomfortable? Were the others as puzzled as you?

munchkinmaster · 07/02/2015 22:53

I'm going to go against the grain. I am delighted to get an invite and be remembered. If I am invited to an event I accept graciously or decline similarly based on whether I am able/want to go. I don't evaluate whether my invite is as good as the next person's.

I have been invited to evening bit or dinner but not ceremony. I just thought numbers are limited, funds are limited, they have to draw the line somewhere.

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