Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that just because someone knocks on my door I don't have to answer it?

37 replies

MrsTawdry · 07/02/2015 18:51

Same with the phone. If I'm busy then I don't answer my door. I know everyone who calls....people generally don't call unannounced on me. Not my family and not my friends.

Oh...but my neighbour regularly does it and it's rarely for ANYTHING other than her toddler has run off as she's coming home from somewhere and banged on my door as she wants to play with my (much older) DDs.

Neighbour allows her to do this. And faffs about with her bags and pram in order that the toddler can have a really good bang on the door. This banging session went on for a good FIVE MINUTES whilst neighbour pissed about sorting out her shopping downstairs (we live in a small block of flats and she lets the toddler run up the stairs which we share..both our doors share a landing)

It's just happened again...5 minutes after I'd got my DDs settled in their room in front of a DVD....DH thinks I am mean for ignoring it and says "What's the harm...just let the toddler in...short visit whatever."

But I don't like it! I want a text message "Is it alright if I call round with X...we're almost home and could knock"

I have said to her in the past "Just text me before you call round...I don't always hear the door" but she lets this happen and yes I've posted about it before.

AIBU?

OP posts:
JoanHickson · 07/02/2015 18:54

I got to be in my thirties before it even occurred to me to not answer the phone or door.

I was mid wee when the door went today and it was JW.

GooodMythicalMorning · 07/02/2015 18:55

Yanbu at all. Sounds a bit annoying to me.

LittleBairn · 07/02/2015 18:56

YANBU that sounds like an annoying situation.
I rarely answer the door to anyone but postman or delivery people after a run in with 3 aggressive cold callers meant I had to call the police. I couldn't even care less if people knocking see or hear me.

JimmyCorkhill · 07/02/2015 18:56

YANBU. I always peek out of the window before deciding whether to answer the door or not. I NEVER answer the landline and I rarely answer my mobile. I think if it's important they'll leave me a voicemail Grin My poor DC will grow up paranoid due to my yells of "DON'T ANSWER IT" when the phone rings and "SHHHHHH" if the doorbell goes!

Comito · 07/02/2015 18:57

Gosh no YANBU. I don't answer the door if I can see it's someone I don't know and I'm busy.

Cheesymonster · 07/02/2015 18:57

Yanbu. I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting someone. A lady with a clipboard stood on my doorstep for a good five minutes today, as my toddler waved cheerily through the window shouting "BYE!"

LittleBairn · 07/02/2015 18:58

And if this toddler is running off alone I would consider calling SS or her HV that isn't normal at all.

hoobypickypicky · 07/02/2015 19:01

You weren't unreasonable before and you're not now but you will be if you keep moaning about it and don't actually do something about it! What's wrong with answering the door, telling the kid not to bang on it, then waiting for the mother and telling her straight "Can you control PFB and not let her do that please? We're trying to get on with things here and it's very distracting to have a toddler hammering on the door on a virtually daily basis".

Job done.

CrystalHaze · 07/02/2015 19:03

YANBU. A ringing phone or a knock on the door are requests for your attention, not commands that you must obey.

I work from home, and if I answered every call or knock I'dnever get anything done. I have caller display and refuse to answer any international or withheld numbers, and I know what time the postman usually arrives, so other than that I mostly avoid the door too (couriers quickly cottoned on to the fact that I was home during the day and I used to end up taking in parcels for the future street).

TwitterWooooo · 07/02/2015 19:04

Yadnbu.
I never answer the phone unless I recognise the number and it is convenient to me.

As for your ndn dc I would perhaps answer sometimes and say sorry sweetheart, I'm a bit busy atm, it's not her fault her mum is a selfish cowpat.

CrystalHaze · 07/02/2015 19:04
  • entire street. Not 'future street'.
AgentZigzag · 07/02/2015 19:05

Course you don't have to.

Looking for you to babysit (for however long) by not asking and therefore not risking a no and leaving it to her DD to take the 'blame' is a bit cheeky, ' Oh, was she knocking on your door again? I didn't notice'.

Are you able to ask/tell her to stop without causing WWIII?

Although it sounds as though your DH is up for looking after the toddler when she knocks, leave it to him to sort them out?

What was that? You mean he was thinking you were mean for not answering but wouldn't look after her himself??

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 07/02/2015 19:08

Bairn the child's not in danger.

I can't be too rude to the neighbour as she is genuinely nice person....she just keeps doing this even though I've begun to ignore it everytime. I have TOLD her to text. She can't be actually imagining that it's ok can she? Perhaps it's a bad case of PFB-itis and she thinks the child should be allowed to do this?

OP posts:
DontOpenDeadInside · 07/02/2015 19:08

Yanbu.
The other day I'd just got out the bath when someone knocked. Dd was just walking past the door at the time and shouted up "mam, someone's at the door, should I answer it?" I shouted no cos I'm nekkid (not loud enough for him to hear) The guy knocked for ages after cos he knew we were in but I wasn't rushing. It was a chugger of some sort because I heard him knock next door after he finally gave up. (This was at 8pm by the way, there should be rules!)

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 07/02/2015 19:09

Zig it's not that she wants us to look after the toddler...she'd come in too in all likelyhood...I'm not a total meanie....and do have them round at times...but I just don't want it at 20 to 7 in the evening!

OP posts:
hoobypickypicky · 07/02/2015 19:14

"I can't be too rude to the neighbour as she is genuinely nice person."

Yes you can and no she's not! She's rude and she's teaching her child to be rude too.

It's clear she's being deliberately rude because she's letting the kid do it even though she knows you're ignoring her and have said to text in advance. She hasn't taken the hint, she's either thick-skinned or thick so it's perfectly ok for you to tell her to put a stop to it.

Dr0pThePirate · 07/02/2015 19:18

An unopened door is a happy door.

lovelychops · 07/02/2015 19:22

Deffo NBU ! I regularly don't answer the door as I often can't be arsed. Find it a bit rude that SIL and MIL like to call round without a polite text first, if I ignore the door they've taken to peering through the window ! Shock

TeenAndTween · 07/02/2015 19:25

Open the door.
Say "I'm sorry, no", or "I'm sorry it's too late", or "I'm sorry, it's not convenient".
Close door.
Job done.

I do that to neighbourhood kids in the summer all the time.
(Well not all the time obviously, but when I don't want them).

Original poster
MrsTawdry · 07/02/2015 19:29

Hooby ok I'll be honest. I wouldn't call her "thick" but she's not that bright either. She's nice though...but possibly she's also thick skinned.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsTawdry · 07/02/2015 19:30

Teen the kid's not even 2 yet! Grin

ME: "I'm sorry it's not convenient."

HER: "WAAGA AHHHA AAGGGGA EEE!

She' can't talk much yet. Grin

OP posts:
GreyjoysAnatomy · 07/02/2015 19:31

I have a rule in my house, friends walk in and do not knock, that way I know if the door knocks it's not someone I want. The postie does a special ear-splitting knock so I know it's him. I always wait for them to push a cars through the door so I can see who it is and then if I want to I will open the door Wink

I don't answer the phone either if I don't know the number , if it's important they can leave a message, but I refuse to answer the phone as it's usually some cold caller.

YANBU, you really don't have to answer if you don't want to Smile

GreyjoysAnatomy · 07/02/2015 19:31

*card

hoobypickypicky · 07/02/2015 20:13

The toddler would have to stand there and "Waaha ahhha aagggga eee!" to herself, from the other side of the door. It's not your job to manage the child's behaviour or reactions and it's not your job to teach her manners, it's the parent's. There's no reason to be guilt-tripped into responding either. It isn't you that will cause the child to tantrum over being told not to do it, it's the mother for setting the situation up.

With luck the mother will get fed up of dealing with the screeching after a couple of times and make the effort to prevent her child being disappointed by not allowing the door knocking to take place.

HotSquashedBun · 08/02/2015 00:09

YANBU. I get loads of cold callers so I've put a no cold caller sign up. One twat banged on my door while my toddler was looking out the window. When I answered he said jokingly "oh I was beginning to think you'd left him in on his own, was going to call social services! hahaha" I just said "I'm not interested. bye" and shut the door.
Another time a charity worker banged on the door and rang the doorbell multiple times waking my kids up who go a bit hyper when they hear the doorbell. I opened the door and said "I'm not interested, you have just woken my children up, please leave" and shut it again. It was 9pm!
I'm usually a nice polite person but not to people who bang on my door until I answer to try and flog me something.