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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To demand he doesn't drink drive

63 replies

Quadrophonic · 07/02/2015 13:40

Husband goes out on a Friday night, most weeks. Every 3 weeks he works a Saturday morning and in sick of warning him that driving at 5.30am is not a good idea if you've drunk 5 pints the night before and got home at 11pm.

Last night he watched the rugby and stayed out till 12.30, came in absolutely legless and came straight to bed. I work every Saturday morning so went off to work. Spoke to son on fb who said that they were off to football at 9.20am!

Rang husband who insisted he was fine and ok to drive, he wouldn't listen at all so I spent all morning in work in between seething and worrying that he was going to be stopped and or breathalysed.

I've just got home and we've had a blazing row. I think it's completely out of the question that he should drink 8 / 9 pints like he did last night then drive this morning. He can't see the problem as he feels ok and it's an hour per pint to leave the system not the 1 hour per UNIT - 2 in a pint.

He sees his Friday nights out as his God given right and everything has to fit around it. He has no drinking off switch and cannot go out and only have a few pints. I've warned him he will blow our lives apart if he gets caught, lose his job, possibly kill someone, possibly go to prison, be banned, fined etc but I dint think he thinks it will ever happen to him.

His parting shot was that I don't have any interest in the kids hobbies and if I did I would arrange for my son to have a lift so then he doesn't have to drive!! Cheeky barsteward!!! I work every Saturday morning!! I told him that if he had any interest in his kids he wouldn't risk their lives by drink driving with them.

Apart from asking the local pcso to come and have a word with him I don't know what else will make him listen, he's 50, has always done it so can't see the problem

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 07/02/2015 15:22

On average, it takes about one hour for your body to break down one unit of alcohol.

A pint of beer contains 2 - 3 units of alcohol depending on how strong it is, so if your husband drank 8 pints of weak beer it would take at least 16 hours to break down.

kittycatz · 07/02/2015 15:24

The first thing I would do is make some alternative arrangements so that your son can get to football safely - lift with another parent, public transport if your son is old enough or even a taxi. It will be worth it for the peace of mind and imagine how you would feel if you knowingly allowed your son to travel with a drunk driver and something happened.

I second the idea of breathalysers at home then he will know for certain if he is over the limit. Then it is his own responsibility when he has to drive to work to decide if he is over the limit or safe to drive. If he does get caught drink-driving then there are massive consequences. You have warned him but he is an adult and is responsible for his own actions. However, under no circumstances can you allow your children to travel in the car with him when he is over the limit.
You could try taking the car keys and not allowing him to have them back until he passes the breathalyzer test.

expatinscotland · 07/02/2015 16:17

' Perhaps once he kills someone the message that it's not ok to drink and drive will hit home.'

And then that person is gone forever. I think drunk drivers who kill someone should be locked up forever. I really do. And the legal limit should be zero. So glad Scotland dropped the limit.

And I wouldn't hesitate to report anyone I knew to be drunk driving to the police. NO ONE'S life is worth such selfishness.

The OP says he is driving at 5.30am after a night on the tiles every three weeks, on top of the football thing.

People like this give me the rage because they kill people regularly and then get a slap on the wrist.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 07/02/2015 17:01

I bought one of these as I drink quite a lot of wine at times (over a bottle) and didn't want to ever drive over the limit the following day. The only time it has ever registered any alocohol in my system the following day is when I'd been up until 4am drinking at a party. Even then I was well under the limit.

Get a decent breathalyzer, get him to every time he's been drinking the night before and that'll settle whether he's safe to drive or not.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 07/02/2015 17:03

I wouldn't be at all surprised if he were over the limit at 5.30am, though, if he's been drinking until 11/12pm.

diddl · 07/02/2015 17:09

so he was probably over the limit this morning but didn't care?

What an utterly horrible man.

How old is your son?

Can he get to football any other way?

Why didn't you phone the police & tell them that you suspected he was driving & over the limit?

bettyboop1970 · 07/02/2015 17:12

YANBU, drink driving is unacceptable.

SocialMediaAddict · 07/02/2015 17:14

Buy a breathlyser on Amazon.

Mynewnamenotyours · 07/02/2015 17:15

crabby - interesting. We also got one of those (primarily for threatening ds1 that we could find out if he was drinking with friends). I have used it a few times out of curiosity and found it to read a lot less that I would think. When I have tested with an awful hangover and would have presumed I was easily over the limit it actually said I was ok. It surprised me that I gave obviously been far more careful than I legally have to be.

I will continue to be 'overly' careful as we too had a very good friend killed by a drunk driver. Wife and kids aged 2 and 4 suddenly fatherless.

OP - YANBU.

Topseyt · 07/02/2015 17:39

You are not at all unreasonable. He is. That much alcohol takes quite a number of hours to clear from the body, as others have said.

Unfortunately all too many people seem to think that just because they stopped drinking at a certain time and then slept for a few hours then they must be OK to drive. Your husband seems to be one of them.

Nobody would get to drive my children anywhere if I thought they had been drinking recently.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 07/02/2015 17:40

Mynew I was surprised as well tbh. I don't usually drive first thing in the morning anyway so had never given it much thought, then started as a community first responder and wanted to make sure I never had alcohol in my system when responding (which involves driving, obviously). Out of curiosity I used it loads to start with and always tested after a weekend night of drinking (between one and one and a half bottles of wine usually, although we do start and finish early). I was certainly expecting it to register a small amount the next day but only ever go 'LO' (ie not registering any at all) apart from that one time. For the sake of £40, they're definitely worth having for peace of mind, IMO.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 07/02/2015 17:42

*got not go

Britanniagate · 07/02/2015 17:51

The drunken driver being your husband doesn't make it harder. It makes it easier. You have his full name, date of birth, address, registration number and make and model of car and you know where he is and where's he's going.

The only things you don't have are a conscience or a lack of selfishness.

Why are you living with a man who knowingly and deliberately puts your son's life at risk?

Why do you value your son, innocents' lives and your own self respect and happiness so little?

Why is it more important to pander to this man than it is to protect your son?

Why can't you see that by doing nothing you're as bad as he is?

RJnomore · 07/02/2015 17:59

Can caution against using home breathalysers? I believe they are not recommended by the police as they can be inaccurate and give you a false sense of security when you are actually over the limit. They also detract from the message that drinking and driving is dangerous down to making it a numbers game.

However, there is a huge difference in alcohol intake between a bottle of wine (approximately 9 units) and 8 pints as well. At a minimum 8 pints is 16 units.

The guidance I was given from Glasgow council on alcohol (doing training at work) was to begin to count your hour a unit from the point where you stop drinking.

I also saw someone on here recently mention a friend who was some sort of. Biologist who said it can take several hours for your body to start processing alcohol.

Op, don't waste time on breathalysers. Give him a one off chance - don't do it again or you will call the police on him. Mean it and do it. I would ?ith my DH. Ignoring anyone else being involved, I would rather have him disgraced and lose his license but be in one piece than wrap himself round a lampost.

Your husband is 50ish you say. He's all the adult he will ever be. If he isn't prepared to act like one, you need to.

Britanniagate · 07/02/2015 18:05

"Can caution against using home breathalysers? I believe they are not recommended by the police as they can be inaccurate and give you a false sense of security when you are actually over the limit."

This is entirely accurate.

HedgehogsDontBite · 07/02/2015 18:07

My uncle was killed by a drunk driver on the Sunday morning the week he was due to get married. He was just 21. His wedding cake was served at his funeral. Your husband is a fuckwit and I'd report him without batting and eyelid.

HicDraconis · 07/02/2015 18:09

For aviation exams the rule is one hour per unit, plus an hour, starting with the time you stop drinking.

So 8 pints = 16 units. Stopping at midnight, he'd be safe to drive 17h later or 5pm.

That's safe to drive as in zero alcohol, not just "under the limit". The only safe limit is zero.

AntiHop · 07/02/2015 18:17

Totally yanbu. I'd be mortified if my dp behaved like this. I think you need to give him an ultimatum about changing his behaviour and if he doesn't change then go to the police.

minkGrundy · 07/02/2015 18:18

If you read the article ^ it days they are not accurate if you use them while or immediately after drinking they are designed for the morning after which is what the OP is after.

Yes I would not necessarily assume I was fit to drive based on a neg result but if it was positive i would know I wasn't iyswim. And as the OPs dh is almost certsinly well over I doubt he'd get a negative.

it might educate him that, yes drink has the same effect on him as on everyone else. It is fine to get drunk on Friday but he needs to find alternative transport.

If he then went on to drive after positive breath test I'd have no qualms about calling the police.

Verbena37 · 07/02/2015 18:21

I would do whatminkgrundy said but rather than saying its to prove he is still drunk, I'd say you would like him to do a breathalyser t prove he isn't drunk.

LittleBrownRabbit · 07/02/2015 18:33

And then that person is gone forever. I think drunk drivers who kill someone should be locked up forever. I really do. And the legal limit should be zero. So glad Scotland dropped the limit.

The drunk driver in question asked to meet my mum then tried to tell her he'd only had two drinks. She slapped his face. She'd just lost her son and that piece of shit was trying to defend his actions. There should be a zero limit as far as I'm concerned too. I live in Scotland and was so happy to hear about the limit being reduced. That reduction was 14 years too late for my brother though. The wanker that killed him now has his license back and has a life as well as a family, my brother never got the chance to experience any of that due to alcohol being more important than a life.

laughingmyarseoff · 07/02/2015 18:50

Buy a breathalyser, make him use it the next morning and see if the stark reality that he's over the limit will make him take it seriously. Honestly, driving the day after drinking is when most drink driving happens.

PigletJohn · 07/02/2015 18:50

I had a close friend killed by a drunk driver, I suppose she would have been about 25.

I have no patience or sympathy.