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AIBU?

To think its perfectly fine for my sis to take our kids overnight. Alone.

134 replies

macnab · 06/02/2015 23:02

My sis is in her 30s. A responsible mature girl who is a primary school teacher and therefore commands a huge group of kids every day.

She is dating my DH brother and they pretty much live together at this stage (her house). She asked if kids could have a sleepover tonight as she'd not seen them for a while. They are 4 & 6 and adore her. All happy. Till DH realised just now that his brother isn't there tonight (he has to be somewhere early tomorrow so easier for him to stay home). DH is furious. Says that he's shocked that I habe no problem with our kids staying with a girl on her own overnight "without any male presence"

WTF

I should add (and have pointed out to him) that I've often stayed here alone with the kids and its never been an issue but he's apparently too shocked, and annoyed with me, to be inclined to discuss it.

He's being a twunt isn't he.

OP posts:

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KenAdams · 07/02/2015 10:42

Tell him he's not to go out anywhere overnight again, ever, so you're not left home alone with the kids.

macnab · 07/02/2015 10:54

There was no explnation Hakluyt I presume because there can be none. He knows it was a ridiculous thing to say, just said that he would have felt more comfortable. He's never come across as sexist before. I have had a sucessful professional career throughout our relationship, am fully involved in all aspects of our family affairs etc and never once have we argued over me thinking he's being sexist. I suppose thats why his comment riled me so much. Maybe he's got a deep rooted opinion that the man protects his family. I have no problem with that really, knowing that in reality I'd do just as good a job if it were ever necessary. But other than that he's not got any ishoos with women.

Anyway onwards and upwards, I dont intend to spend the weekend dissecting it with him. Am off to have fun

OP posts:

Topseyt · 07/02/2015 11:04

Ah, best to let it be now. Sounds like he has got the message and is slowly backing down while trying not to lose too much face.

namechange2468 · 07/02/2015 11:08

I am also bemused. The only vague reason I can think of is that if someone broke in, it would be preferable to have a man/2 adults in the house. However, this doesn't hold when he is happy to leave you on your own overnight.

Random strange reaction I would think, nothing more serious!

diddl · 07/02/2015 11:39

Have the kids never stayed with just your sister before then?

I mean "shocked & furious" is quite a reaction.

And what if your sister was dating anyone other than his brother??

I can understand the train of thought 2 adults/2 kids easier in an emergency as just grab one each, but one adult doesn't have to be male!

TidyDancer · 07/02/2015 12:05

I agree with leaving it for now, he does seem to realise what an arse he is but perhaps doesn't want to admit it.

I would keep an eye on that awful attitude seeping out again though - the last thing you want is his mysogyny reaching the DCs and influencing their attitudes.

squizita · 07/02/2015 12:35

My DM is a retired primary teacher.
My dad got his camera snatched in France once. DM chased down the perp with a stream of french profanities and (with the help of passers by) held him down till the gendarmes got there.
Male presence indeed pffft.

I do think the girl thing is Irish btw. I have had elderly relatives call each other girl on that side of my family.

KissesBreakingWave · 07/02/2015 12:38

The other possibility is that he's afraid of something that he knows would sound completely stupid outside his own head and he's come up with a slightly-less-stupid-but-still-pretty-stupid rationalisation for not leaving kids alone without a bloke present. Maybe a little sympathetic questioning with oblique suggestions of facing up to irrational fear might help?

Because while, yeah, acculturated misogyny can produce some remarkably dented thinking, I've never heard that before from anyone. So absent more information it might be a reasonable deduction that he's irrationally afraid of something about kids left alone with a woman.

l12ngo · 07/02/2015 13:24

Has he recently joined Isis?

LIZS · 07/02/2015 13:27

Have you never been overnight alone with them ?

Wolfbasher · 09/02/2015 13:54

Maybe he just doesn't feel that your sister is a responsible person, but didn't want to say it and cause an argument? So said something quite stupid about 'male presence'?

chrome100 · 09/02/2015 14:07

Oh ffs. What is wrong with the term girl? In my social circle, all the females are "girls" and the males "boys". It's just our parlance.

And, to answer the OP, your DH is BU and very weird.

Hakluyt · 09/02/2015 14:27

Absolutely. Adult men are referred to as boys all the time.

"My bro is in his 30s. A responsible and mature boy whose a primary school teacher......."

Thwt doesn't look odd at all, does it?

hellsbellsmelons · 09/02/2015 14:29

I couldn't agree more chrome
We are all in our 40's and when ever we plan a night out it's always a girlie night out or our girls night out or I'll be having the girls over for dinner.
Don't know what else I'd call them to be honest.

Although, I do HATE it when someone calls me Madam!

Callaird · 09/02/2015 14:46

It's not so weird to me that her sister is dating her brother-in-law.

My mum's sister is married to my dad's brother, have been married for 52 years! My parents for 48.

My mum was also engaged to another brother before she married my dad!

Arsenic · 09/02/2015 14:46

Hak

mommy2ash · 09/02/2015 15:05

i agree the girl thing is very irish. i call my mom girl as do most of my cousins to their moms. we have girls night out basically anyone younger than me or my age is a girl anyone older is a woman or lady regardless of how old i am myself.

im still trying to figure out why a male presence is needed. does your dp dislike your sister for some reason?

Mrsjayy · 09/02/2015 15:14

So women can't look after children unless a big beefy man is there to protect her your sister is a grown woman for crying out loud is husband usually so unreasonable y sexist jez

Mrsjayy · 09/02/2015 15:17

I have no real issue with girl btw its a perference my mum talks about the lassies she works with dh talks about the boys at work

MoanCollins · 09/02/2015 15:32

Hehe. I'm Irish and we're all 'lads' regardless of sex.

squizita · 09/02/2015 16:29

Hakluyt Round my way "the boys", "he's a good boy", "great lad" etc are perfectly normal for men in their 20s-30s.

Hakluyt · 09/02/2015 16:43

I utterly refuse to believe that anyone ever says "boy" in the way the OP said "girl". Ever. "The boys" is quite different. But this is one of those things that people always insist is not a feminist issue. Like using that diet coke ad to prove that men are just as objectified as women are. Anyway. As you were.

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SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 09/02/2015 17:55

I'm from NI and we do use 'girl' as a term of reference regularly, eg ' the girls I work with' (one of which is in her 60's), 'out with the girls tonight' , 'the girl in the shop said...' etc.

SconeRhymesWithGone · 09/02/2015 19:58

In the culture I come from (American South) calling grown women girls has also been very prevalent. Many of us have made a conscious choice not to do it, and as a result, it is much less prevalent, especially in the workplace. A good thing, in my opinion.

Hakluyt · 09/02/2015 20:06

I would imagine calling a grown man "boy" in the American South wouldn't go down terribly well.........

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