Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6

AIBU?

To think its perfectly fine for my sis to take our kids overnight. Alone.

134 replies

macnab · 06/02/2015 23:02

My sis is in her 30s. A responsible mature girl who is a primary school teacher and therefore commands a huge group of kids every day.

She is dating my DH brother and they pretty much live together at this stage (her house). She asked if kids could have a sleepover tonight as she'd not seen them for a while. They are 4 & 6 and adore her. All happy. Till DH realised just now that his brother isn't there tonight (he has to be somewhere early tomorrow so easier for him to stay home). DH is furious. Says that he's shocked that I habe no problem with our kids staying with a girl on her own overnight "without any male presence"

WTF

I should add (and have pointed out to him) that I've often stayed here alone with the kids and its never been an issue but he's apparently too shocked, and annoyed with me, to be inclined to discuss it.

He's being a twunt isn't he.

OP posts:

Report

treaclesoda · 10/02/2015 08:30

I'm from N Ireland and I do agree with Hakluyt that I can't imagine an individual male being described as eg 'a mature and sensible boy in his 30s'. But on the other hand, I do hear groups of adult males referred to as 'boys' all the time. 'The boys from work', that sort of thing.

bigbluestars · 10/02/2015 08:19

My FIL seemed incapable of using the word "woman".

Adult females were girls or ladies- never women.

hmc · 10/02/2015 08:13

Agree wholeheartedly Hak - on the use of the term 'girl' for grown women.

Hakluyt · 10/02/2015 07:59

It's fascinating how people say "it's not sexist- I do it all the time!" Or "It's not sexist- lots of people do it" or "It's not sexist, it's part of my culture"

As momagain says- it is possible to change...........

frumpet · 10/02/2015 07:55

I actually feel a teensy bit sorry for your DH OP , we have all said things that are spectacularly stupid , or maybe that's just me . He knows that you are going to be able to rib him mercilessly about this for ever and ever

Momagain1 · 09/02/2015 23:47

Hak: in the American south: depends on who is using it. Within the same race, it can be done. My brother's and cousins and uncles refer to each other/the group as boy or boys in loving way. A team, club, group of work mates (even mixed race) might be 'the boys' or the girls as a group, and say boy or girl to refer to individuals. Older men might call younger men 'boy' in a pulling rank kind of way. I guess the same applies to older women /younger women too.

But using boy, or girl, to refer to someone of another race that isnt an actual child (not even a teen) is done by those who mean to be an asshole. Some very old people will do so and try to claim ignorance of the newer convention, but I am 50 and the new standard predates my birth, so they are lying racist assholes.

DarkHeart · 09/02/2015 20:53

Well I am in my thirties and I have looked after my teenage son alone with 'no male presence' since he was born. He sounds like a sexist twat to me

Tisiphone · 09/02/2015 20:27

I'm Irish, too, though no longer live there, and agree that calling women well into adulthood 'girls' is more culturally prevalent, but that doesn't make it any less sexist. The specific sexism is generational, though. My father and his father habitually referred to a neighbour as 'the girl O'Connor' although she was well into her seventies - I assume because she wasn't married. He could never see the problem...

SconeRhymesWithGone · 09/02/2015 20:23

Indeed.

Hakluyt · 09/02/2015 20:06

I would imagine calling a grown man "boy" in the American South wouldn't go down terribly well.........

SconeRhymesWithGone · 09/02/2015 19:58

In the culture I come from (American South) calling grown women girls has also been very prevalent. Many of us have made a conscious choice not to do it, and as a result, it is much less prevalent, especially in the workplace. A good thing, in my opinion.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 09/02/2015 17:55

I'm from NI and we do use 'girl' as a term of reference regularly, eg ' the girls I work with' (one of which is in her 60's), 'out with the girls tonight' , 'the girl in the shop said...' etc.

Hakluyt · 09/02/2015 16:43

I utterly refuse to believe that anyone ever says "boy" in the way the OP said "girl". Ever. "The boys" is quite different. But this is one of those things that people always insist is not a feminist issue. Like using that diet coke ad to prove that men are just as objectified as women are. Anyway. As you were.

squizita · 09/02/2015 16:29

Hakluyt Round my way "the boys", "he's a good boy", "great lad" etc are perfectly normal for men in their 20s-30s.

MoanCollins · 09/02/2015 15:32

Hehe. I'm Irish and we're all 'lads' regardless of sex.

Mrsjayy · 09/02/2015 15:17

I have no real issue with girl btw its a perference my mum talks about the lassies she works with dh talks about the boys at work

Mrsjayy · 09/02/2015 15:14

So women can't look after children unless a big beefy man is there to protect her your sister is a grown woman for crying out loud is husband usually so unreasonable y sexist jez

mommy2ash · 09/02/2015 15:05

i agree the girl thing is very irish. i call my mom girl as do most of my cousins to their moms. we have girls night out basically anyone younger than me or my age is a girl anyone older is a woman or lady regardless of how old i am myself.

im still trying to figure out why a male presence is needed. does your dp dislike your sister for some reason?

Arsenic · 09/02/2015 14:46

Hak

Callaird · 09/02/2015 14:46

It's not so weird to me that her sister is dating her brother-in-law.

My mum's sister is married to my dad's brother, have been married for 52 years! My parents for 48.

My mum was also engaged to another brother before she married my dad!

hellsbellsmelons · 09/02/2015 14:29

I couldn't agree more chrome
We are all in our 40's and when ever we plan a night out it's always a girlie night out or our girls night out or I'll be having the girls over for dinner.
Don't know what else I'd call them to be honest.

Although, I do HATE it when someone calls me Madam!

Hakluyt · 09/02/2015 14:27

Absolutely. Adult men are referred to as boys all the time.

"My bro is in his 30s. A responsible and mature boy whose a primary school teacher......."

Thwt doesn't look odd at all, does it?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

chrome100 · 09/02/2015 14:07

Oh ffs. What is wrong with the term girl? In my social circle, all the females are "girls" and the males "boys". It's just our parlance.

And, to answer the OP, your DH is BU and very weird.

Wolfbasher · 09/02/2015 13:54

Maybe he just doesn't feel that your sister is a responsible person, but didn't want to say it and cause an argument? So said something quite stupid about 'male presence'?

LIZS · 07/02/2015 13:27

Have you never been overnight alone with them ?

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.