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AIBU?

To think its perfectly fine for my sis to take our kids overnight. Alone.

134 replies

macnab · 06/02/2015 23:02

My sis is in her 30s. A responsible mature girl who is a primary school teacher and therefore commands a huge group of kids every day.

She is dating my DH brother and they pretty much live together at this stage (her house). She asked if kids could have a sleepover tonight as she'd not seen them for a while. They are 4 & 6 and adore her. All happy. Till DH realised just now that his brother isn't there tonight (he has to be somewhere early tomorrow so easier for him to stay home). DH is furious. Says that he's shocked that I habe no problem with our kids staying with a girl on her own overnight "without any male presence"

WTF

I should add (and have pointed out to him) that I've often stayed here alone with the kids and its never been an issue but he's apparently too shocked, and annoyed with me, to be inclined to discuss it.

He's being a twunt isn't he.

OP posts:

Report

Tyzer85 · 07/02/2015 08:23

I'm baffled by your husband's thought process, he sounds like an idiot.

EMS23 · 07/02/2015 08:44

Hakluyt - because that's a change from the previously understood arrangements and sometimes people can feel concerned when that happens.
I'm not saying he'd veto it but our children are very rarely babysat (we have no family nearby and no friends that we could ask) so for us, and I'm not saying this is the case for the OP or everyone else, but for us it's quite a big thing to have them looked after and a significant change to the arrangements might elicit some words of concern from my DH.

lavenderhoney · 07/02/2015 08:47

She's not "a" girl. She is the dcs aunt. Presumably she has known them since birth. You have known her all your life.

Your DH is extremely rude. - I would want to know exactly what he meant by without a male presence. Any male? has he said things like this before?

Why didn't you arrange to go out and do something fun? he's working, you had a free evening..

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 07/02/2015 08:48

He is crackers.

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/02/2015 08:49

That makes no sense at all. A chance get of plans is a change of venue or time or the fact they might have to stay with a neighbour for an hour due to an appointment or something.

whether or not a partner is in the building (presuming they are family and you know them) is neither here nor there. Do you really send them. To someone's house not trusting either person to be able to cope individually?

that makes no sense

Gileswithachainsaw · 07/02/2015 08:49

a change of plans

KatieKaye · 07/02/2015 08:56

" my DH might have something to say if he thought our DC's were being looked after by 2 people and it turned out it was only one."

Why?

I'm equally bemused, Hak.
Unless the poster has a very, very large family, or all the DC have conditions that require 1 to 1 attention or her DC always have both parents present at all hours of the day and night, I can't think of a single logical reason why this would be an issue. Far less in the specific case of two school age children being looked after by their aunt, who just happens to be a teacher and is presumably not only used to children but is also fairly responsible.

Hakluyt · 07/02/2015 08:59

"Hakluyt - because that's a change from the previously understood arrangements and sometimes people can feel concerned when that happens"

Gosh. If my children have friends for a sleepover, it wouldn't cross my mind to tell them if Dp suddenly had to stay over at work or something and it was only me looking after them instead of both of us.........

MrsKCastle · 07/02/2015 09:00

What a bizarre view. I can't see any possible reasoning that would make sense.

My DSis is single. She often has my DDs overnight, for which DH and I are extremely grateful. I wasn't aware that this was 'a bad thing'. Please do ask your DH to explain why I should be concerned- all of us would be quite upset at having to stop the visits.

ohtheholidays · 07/02/2015 09:01

Very strange OP.Please do come back and tell us why he has this view.

I'd have been really upset if one of my SIL's had said they wouldn't want me looking after they're children on my own overnight.

As it was I had my niece 15 at the time come and live with me for nearly a year.I was on my own with 2DC and pregnant with my 3rd DC and only 25 myself.Things weren't great at home and they all really needed a break from each other.

MY DN came to no harm and I actually helped her improve her school work so much that she was able to apply for college and she then went on to university and now teaches herself.

If anything an auntie helping out with her care was only a positive thing.

holeinmyheart · 07/02/2015 09:06

What baffles me is why is he so angry? Has something gone on between your sister and him that you don't know about? ( I don't mean sexual) do they dislike one another? But you haven't picked up on it?
Has he seen her drunk as a skunk ? etc. I can't think of any other explanation as his behaviour seems so odd.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 07/02/2015 09:06

Is he normally misogynistic or is it only when childcare is involved?

diddl · 07/02/2015 09:14

So it would have been ok if his brother was there??

So has she never had them before & she has only had them overnight since dating your BIL?

Next time, you go & stay with her & leave him to look after the kids!!

LumpySpacedPrincess · 07/02/2015 09:27

I would be really uncomfortable if dh held a view point like this, same as if he was a racist. I certainly would be very concerned about raising children with someone who views half our race as inferior.

Beth2511 · 07/02/2015 09:36

I grew up with just my dad and only had one friend with parents happy for sleepovers. Was amazed how bothered people were about no female in the house.

debbriana · 07/02/2015 09:39

wtf

GrinAndTonic · 07/02/2015 09:56

I'm more baffled that your DSis is dating your Bill. Christmas could be reeeeeeaallly awkward if that relationship backfires. If they got married does that make your sister your inlaw as well

But anyway,....your DH is odd and I'd remind him it's not 1950.

EMS23 · 07/02/2015 10:02

KatieK and Hakulyt - no, we're not a really large family and the DC's don't have any additional needs.
They are 11, 4 & 2. I'm pretty relaxed about them being looked after, albeit very rarely. I was just trying to say that sometimes some people find changes to arrangements a bit more tricky and might express concern.
As I said, my DH wouldn't then veto the arrangements and call the kids back home and it doesn't sound like the OP's has either. I was trying to be sympathetic and empathise with why the OP's DH might have said what he said.
The 'needing to have a man in the house' comment is odd - on that I agree but I don't think it's completely bizarre that he said anything at all.

KatieKaye · 07/02/2015 10:14

Unless there is a specific requirement for more than one person to babysit, or you are paying for two people to look after your DC, then it seems more that a bit precious and really controlling to get het up over a minor change in arrangements as long as there is no risk attached. It is also undermining the choices OP makes.

In the specific case, it sounds as if the DC will probably get more attention from auntie if her bf (uncle) isn't around if their relationship is still in the early stages

Oldraver · 07/02/2015 10:25

What a twat.. Is he still 'annoyed' with you ? (though how dare he)

I think he really needs to explain himself, non of this hiding behind being too shocked and annoyed to talk, thats just shutting you down form questioning his ridiculous anger

BitOutOfPractice · 07/02/2015 10:30

How very odd your DH is being.

I am very intrigued by the idea of your DSis dating your BiL!!

Topseyt · 07/02/2015 10:33

Come on, we need to hear his explanation of what the ishoo actually is!!!

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macnab · 07/02/2015 10:37

Sorry I am only reading & replying now.

Just to clarify a few things. It was me who referred to my sis as a girl, DH didnt use the word at all and I just call all women girls as a matter of course. Hsve never really thought about that before or whether anyone, including said girl, might find it insulting! We're Irish (living in Ireland) not sure if thats at all relevant.

DH was working from home ladt night otherwise we both might have gone out for the night. I didnt go out alone (or with friends etc) because I quite fancied a night in, read of my book, G&T, full night sleep etc (DD has been waking a lot lately so we're pretty tired)

Yes it is a bit unusual that sis is dating BIL. But they've been together over a year now so I'm used to it. They seem serious so I try not to worry about any awkwardness in the event of a breakup!

Anyway I did chat to DH but it was very late as I wanted to wait til he was finished work. I think EMS23 has more or less hit the nail on the head. He agrees it was an over reaction, he had assumed BIL was there and for some reason felt more comfortable with that scenario. He's a bit of a worry wart and worst case scenario type, especially when it comes to the kids. I genuinely dont think he hates women. But yes I agree that on the badis of his comment and inability to really back it up, he is slightly sexist. He's not like that all the time though, hence my annoyance ladt night. I realise I will get a lot of LTB advice on the back of this, but since I'm the one who's been with him for 18 years I'll go with my own gut and say that he's not perfect but not a misogynistic bastard either. This is something we certainly dont agree on, but will get over. The DC will have many more sleepovers with their lovely aunt, and DH will keep his unfounded concerns to himself next time. That we agreed on.

OP posts:

macnab · 07/02/2015 10:38

Apologies for all the errors, posting on my phone.

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 07/02/2015 10:41

And the explanation of the "male presence" thing? You really need to get to the bottom of that. Really.

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