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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this Brown Owl is plain rude?

106 replies

itchybumagain · 04/02/2015 19:14

My DD is a Brownie and she loves it.

She's only recently done her promise, so is working towards badges.

They are doing their 'friend to animals' badge and we were told they had to bring some pet food as a donation to local charity.

BO also said if they didn't provide the food they couldn't do the badge (I think this is wrong?)

So my DD takes £2.50 worth of food today, we were first to arrive so not busy. DD hands it over, made up look on her face, BO doesn't look at either of us ticks name of list and turns her back on us.

No thank you, nothing, DD looked so let down as she chose it herself hence the £2.50!

Plus I think it's unfair to put conditions of donations for them to get the badge, what if someone can't afford it?

I've bit my tongue but itching to say something Angry

OP posts:
UsedtobeFeckless · 04/02/2015 22:05

DP used to be a cub leader - the workload was insane ... I bet loads of the parents thought they could do a better job too ( But weirdly none of them actually volunteered or anything ... Hmm )

budgiegirl · 04/02/2015 22:11

YABU, and a bit precious. It would have been nice if BO had acknowledged the donation, but as previous posters have said, she was probably trying to do a dozen things at once.

The volunteers who run brownie/guide/scout units put in many, many hours of unpaid work to provide a fun and interesting activity for your child. They have to spend time on planning, training, attending meetings, and administration on top of the actual time setting up, running and clearing away the meeting each week. Not to mention time away from their own families taking your child on daytrips, camps and sleepovers.

And on this occasion BO didn't thank your daughter for her donation to go towards her badge. How often do you make a point of thanking BO for all the things she does do ?

DevaDiva · 04/02/2015 22:33

My mum was a brown owl then a guide leader for years. It takes a massive amount of time and sacrifice from a small number of people.

A smile and a thank you would be nice but we all have off days. Give Brown Owl a break.

MrsMook · 04/02/2015 22:45

Yabu. It's pretty much all been said about the work load and preparation. At this time of year, the units are preparing the admin and finances for the census too.

We've recently had a parent notify us that her Dd wouldn't be attending, but could she still expected to claim the badge that night that she wasn't going to earn in her absence.

We've also recently had a parent blank us on collecting her Dd from a sporting activity. It was a long, cold night for us, a couple of us had sacrificed seeing our own young children that day because it wasn't appropriate to bring them, and in return for providing 90 minutes of an activity, we get treated like we're not even there.

Most of our parents are great, but there is a precious, demanding minority that needs to bear in mind that this is a volunteer led activity, and the leaders have more than one child on their minds.

fatowl · 04/02/2015 23:11

I'm a Commissioner who deals with complaints in Guiding and I am definitely not feeling the Guiding light at the moment due to some appalling behaviour by both parents and leaders in my Division, I'd say YADBU and give your volunteer leaders a break FFS.
I know a thank you costs nothing, but really, I had to attend my Brownies and be all smiley this week, when all I really wanted to do was curl up and die.

Nanny0gg · 04/02/2015 23:15

Thank You X takes a few seconds.

As adults we expect to be thanked for giving something to someone (well I certainly do) and I don't think it should be any different for a child.

YANBU.

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 04/02/2015 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Permanentlyexhausted · 04/02/2015 23:38

YABU.

Yes, in a perfect world, everybody would thank everyone else every time they ever did something for them or gave them something. But show me a person who claims that they do that every single time and I'll show you a liar.

I'm a Brown Owl and I would not be at all suprised if this Brown Owl had scheduled a time during the meeting to see what everyone had brought in and to thank the unit as a whole. That's what I would have done if I had chosen to do this activity. Can you be sure this didn't happen?

Do you thank Brown Owl and the rest of the unit team personally every week for the time and effort she/they put into running Brownies for your daughter to enjoy? Every single time???

funkyfoam · 04/02/2015 23:43

Hope you say thank you every evening as you leave the hall.

FightOrFlight · 04/02/2015 23:45

I don't think a 'thank you' would have gone amiss to be honest Confused

Manners cost nothing and all that buggery bollocks.

If someone gives something to me I automatically say thank you (unless it's a bag full of dog crap or summat)

pookamoo · 04/02/2015 23:48

OP has disappeared...

The point seems to have been made. I'm a Guide leader too, and second the above about the work it takes.
How do you know her cat or worse hadn't died that day?!

Thank you to all volunteers for all kinds of groups and clubs for DCs.

JustCallMeBridget · 04/02/2015 23:56

Hang on a bloody second!

If you volunteer for something then you volunteer for it. Never mind how you feel on any given day! "Poor old Brown Owl"?! No! This is a person who has volunteered for this role BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO.

If they find the role too hard/demanding then don't do it.

I personally think that small children (like OPs) often look for adult approval. It's normal and to be expected. And if you volunteer in a role such as Brown Owl - be prepared to be swamped by small children with their donations. Especially if you've asked for them!

I simply do not think it's ok to say - well yes, I've volunteered for this but I'm finding it really tough so I have to address it in my own way. You apply for a role - you bloody well do it.

pookamoo · 04/02/2015 23:58

to Bridget...

I think the website suggests it's an hour a week, or something...

pictish · 05/02/2015 00:03

Two-whit-too-whoo does she think she is?

budgiegirl · 05/02/2015 00:12

Bridget - of course brownie leaders volunteer because they want to. But mostly it's because they want to provide a fun and entertaining activity for children and young people.

But that doesn't mean that they are perfect. Sometimes they'll make a mistake. Or get distracted by the other 20 children they are responsible for. Or not act the way that a parent thinks they should.

But parents should remember that for every small thing a leader gets 'wrong', there will be plenty of things they get right.

BlinkAndMiss · 05/02/2015 00:14

Massive fuss for a charity donation? The point of the exercise is about doing something nice for others - being altruistic - as per the point of Brownies, Guides, Scouts etc. you expect your Dd to have a fuss made of her because she donated a tin of pet food?

I imagine Brown Owl will have or is going to speak to the group as a whole about their donations - if she has to stand at the bloody door and grin over every donation made then that's a huge waste of her time. She needs to set up and get organised for the session - if she's doing meet and greet then when is she supposed to do that?

You seem to be missing the point completely - the group will be thanked as a pack (because that's mainly what Brownies is about) and not as an individual (because charitable giving should not be about self gratification), the reward will come from the knowledge that she did something kind. And thirdly, it's a tin of bloody pet food.

Permanentlyexhausted · 05/02/2015 00:39

YY Blinkandmiss. As I said, that is certainly what I would do. Thank the group (at least those who donated) as a whole. It is fair, equal, and public.

kiwimumof2boys · 05/02/2015 03:32

YABU sorry.

My Brown Owl in the '80's was constantly chain smoking and grumpy but i know she (reluctantly) took on the role as no one else would, and had a heart of gold underneath.
In the real world we don't get thanked for every little thing we do - and like others have pointed out, she probably puts in a lot of her own time and money to keep the pack running.
Maybe you should volunteer to be Tawny Owl to share some of the load ?

FindoGask · 05/02/2015 05:46

"But parents should remember that for every small thing a leader gets 'wrong', there will be plenty of things they get right."

Absolutely - and I bet the right things don't get noticed nearly so much.

My daughter's Brown Owl can be a bit abrupt at drop off time. I have always just assumed it's to do with being busy and distracted and have not thought another thing about it.

DropYourSword · 05/02/2015 06:22

I would only understand where you were coming from OP if your daughter had been denied her badge. It sounds like you were distracting her when she was in the middle of something else. Yes, manners cost nothing and it's nice to be thanked, but I reckon she would have expected everybody to hand in their donation together during a planned activity, rather than being distracted countless times.

I was talking to a colleague the other day about a specific work issue and another colleague walked by and said hello. We were concentrating on our discussion, and as I was mid sentence at the time we didn't reply straight away. She was irritated by this and repeated her HELLO LADIES in quite a forceful abrupt manner like we were her misbehaving children. She obviously thought we were being rude ignoring her, I think she was being rude interrupting us. That's life, different perceptions. No need to make a big deal of every little thing!

Balaboosta · 05/02/2015 07:23

Sorry but your all-about-me attitude stinks. She's a volunteer, maybe she's busy thinking about the session she's organising, maybe you had a bit of a gob on as you handed it over. And why in hell did you spend "so much"? Get over yourself, maybe she's got PmT or something. Jeez.

pictish · 05/02/2015 07:38

Yes...they are volunteers, so in a sense you've got to kinda suck it up that little bit more. No volunteers? No Brownies.

chocolatemademefat · 05/02/2015 07:52

Ah madwomanbackintheattic - at last - someone saying it like it is. Loved your reply. Made me think of all the years my son's attended groups run by volunteers.
Parents should be more grateful and a lot more aware of the work needed to run these clubs and organisations.
And children should be brought up not to need adults fawning over them for every little thing. And I say this as someone who's job is caring for children. The special attention some parents demand is soooooo draining.

youmakemydreams · 05/02/2015 08:11

For all those saying manners cost nothing have you never forgotten to thank someone and kicked yourself later.
I'm a cub leader and at the start of the night it can be a scrum. I've rushed there from somewhere else am still thinking about what I need to drag out the supplies cupboard for the night and possibly something that happened in work before I left because remember I haven't been home for dinner yet either. While the Cubs are arriving shouting over each other all desperate to be the first to share exciting news and find out what we are doing tonight.
Last week I was distracted and one cub stood there wanting to pay subs for longer than necessary rather than just throw it on the table and run off so I have to chase up and find out who left me money. When I noticed I apologised to him for leaving him there unnoticed and he was literally standing in front of me.
It happens when you are human and you have 100 other things in your head at the start of a night.

Reddragon116 · 05/02/2015 08:18

No just unreasonable but also teaching your child terrible values - you do acts of charity for the help it gives not for the praise. Internal motivation is so much healthier for a child than constant pats on the head