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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU asking the DH not to play golf so we can all go out ?

54 replies

whatisforteamum · 03/02/2015 20:39

I did ask this question on relationships last yr.
28 yrs together with 2 teens.We have both worked long hrs for yrs and got the mortgage paid in 2013.Then Dh had a heart attack.
Rehab advised him to find a way to relax so he signed up to golf which he loves but never had time to go to due to working w ends(both of us).
My job changed hands so i ended up working lots of sundays and meetings,mothers day fathers day easterwhich i have done for 11 yrs but i really needed a hol as both parents have cancer.
Still Dh wouldnt budge and went to golf so v little fun for any of us.
As predicted Dads cancer returned and spread and though he is having chemo we arent sure whether it is working as yet.
Dh insists he is golfing once a month again on dates set out.I could weep what with exam restrictions,my job and his golf i feel trapped!!
Before anyone suggests it i cant drive too far due to anxiety so cant take Dcs on my own.
Dh has said we will go out although last summer passed me by stuck at home.

OP posts:

RandomNPC · 03/02/2015 20:41

Have you tried to tackle your anxiety?

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 03/02/2015 20:43

He only plays once a month?

Bowlersarm · 03/02/2015 20:44

Have you tried golf yourself, so you can do it together?

Shinyshoes2 · 03/02/2015 20:45

I don't understand He goes golf once a month and you have a problem with that ?

RandomNPC · 03/02/2015 20:46

BTW, Unexpected, best user name ever.

LineRunner · 03/02/2015 20:50

He's had a heart attack. That has got to be high up there on the family priority list.

wannabestressfree · 03/02/2015 20:52

Can't see the problem with once a month sorry. And learn how to drive!

ilovesooty · 03/02/2015 20:53

I can't see the problem with beneficial exercise once a month. This sounds melodramatic quite frankly.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 03/02/2015 20:55

yes i have tackled most of my anxiety it is just the driving on motorways.The once a month golfing wouldnt be a problem if i didnt have to work some w ends and all bank hols and xmas so time together is restricted,we went out 3 times from nov 2013 until dec 2014.I guess we almost had opposite work lives however i always thought we would be able to see each other when the mortgage was paid.

OP posts:

googoodolly · 03/02/2015 20:56

I don't see a problem with him doing something he likes once a month, especially when the Doctor has recommended it. Sorry OP.

pootlebug · 03/02/2015 20:57

Golf once per month sounds fine - if the dates are set in advance, surely that's better - it leaves 3-4 other weekends.
I don't know what 'exam restrictions' means.
Are your 2 teens feeling like they are missing out? Most teens I know want to do their own thing rather than going out for the day with their parents, so long as they have a secure relationship at home etc.

DPotter · 03/02/2015 20:57

If its once a month it is a bit unreasonable to ask him to cancel although not unreasonable to re-arrange.

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 03/02/2015 20:58

How often do you guys see your other half ? Then i can compare my experience.

OP posts:

pootlebug · 03/02/2015 20:59

You went out 3 times in a year. What about annual leave? Could you not plan to take that at the same time?

Malabrig0 · 03/02/2015 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandomMess · 03/02/2015 20:59

Can you go out during the week instead? I'm a bit confused. Can you not change someone's working pattern so that you can make time together weekly at some point?

RedRugNoniMouldiesEtc · 03/02/2015 21:00

So now the mortgage is paid and has been for some time why do you continue to work so much? Why aren't you cutting back to prioritise family, why does it have to be dhs once a month hobby?

Sn00p4d · 03/02/2015 21:00

Could he not golf when your at work? If the kids are teens they're old enough to look after themselves for a few hours?

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 03/02/2015 21:01

Do you have a calendar OP? And a list of all the dates you're working for the next few months? Can you put in all work / golf / family commitments and work out how much family time you have left? Then maybe actually put 'family time' in the calendar so that no one books anything else?

googoodolly · 03/02/2015 21:02

Well, DP and I eat together most nights and go out at least once a month, but we have no children and no real family commitments - both sets of parents are healthy and we don't have to worry about anything like that, so our free time is basically ours to spend as we wish.

I think the real issue here is that you're not spending enough together. Don't you get any annual leave you can book together? Surely you can take a few weekend off together a year and spend them as a couple - it's not like you have small DC that require childcare, teenagers can be left overnight on their own at least.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 03/02/2015 21:04

Can you request to work the weekend he is golfing? Then it will free up a different weekend.

TendonQueen · 03/02/2015 21:04

I wonder if you both need to look just your jobs and ditch the weekend working. Then one golf day a month won't be an issue. Do you like your job?

Original poster

whatisforteamum · 03/02/2015 21:06

Dpotter it is a pre arranged group.I am guessing my job will have to go or i cant have any life again.
I can drive,i passed 1st time but lack confidence on motorways so stopped going on them 10 yrs ago.
Maybe the terminally ill parents have made me look at my own quality of life.
Thank you for the replies.

OP posts:

museumum · 03/02/2015 21:10

It sounds like you just don't have enough time off together. I don't think once a month golf is the issue - it's other stuff.
Do you eat dinner together? How many days a week do you each get off and how many tigether? surely you get time off in lieu for all the holidays you work?

dougierose · 03/02/2015 21:10

My DH plays golf every Saturday from 8 am until about 1.30 pm. Sometimes he plays golf on Sundays as well. Yes, we are happily married (probably because I let him play so much golf).

I also have a teenage DD and quite frankly, she's beyond happy family trips out. She'd rather go out with her friends and then we catch up for a nice family meal in the evening. If the exams are your children's exams, then let them stay in and revise properly without any pressure to go out and have a crap day out with mum and dad.

If this is about a 2 week holiday, then you will have to organise your own work commitments around this one day per month. And please don't organise a holiday around your children's exams. Gary Linekar took his son to Spain just before George's A Level A2 exams and the lad didn't do very well.

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