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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate it when people say 'you look tired'?

57 replies

MrsJohnLewis · 03/02/2015 16:01

I mean, how the fuck are you supposed to respond to that statement?

'Yeah, I'm knackered actually?'

Or, 'I'm fine. I've had plenty of sleep I just look like shit.'

'Thanks for noticing and drawing attention to it'.

ODFO

OP posts:
weeblueberry · 03/02/2015 16:05

I normally say 'I am, fancy getting me a coffee?'. Normally shuts folk up.

But then I'm pregnant and have a toddler so I DO look tired all the bloody time. Wink

Jaded2004 · 03/02/2015 16:09

I have me/cfs and I look positively haggard! People often say to me "you look tired" I'm like uh yeah I have chronic fatigue and then the fuckwads say "it's all those late nights and not doing enough during the day" yes yes that's what it must be... God I really wish I'd thought of that! Thank fuck I'm cured Confused

Jaded2004 · 03/02/2015 16:10

Can't find the angry face on my phone so Confused will have to do

KikitheKitKat · 03/02/2015 16:10

My MIL says it to me and I say "no I'm just getting older". I think she expects me to stay 29 all my life as I was when she met me (24 years ago).

SamG76 · 03/02/2015 16:39

YABU - The phrase is intended to show empathy/solidarity with you, and gives you an opportunity to say that you were up from 1 am with kids/hamster/DH, etc...

lougle · 03/02/2015 16:50

Trust me, it's worse when you're exhausted, verging on migraine and you get some chirpy soul waxing lyrical about how well you look!

Charlotte3333 · 03/02/2015 16:52

MIL says it to me all the time, I counter it with "but at least I don't look as old as you" and she does her hens-arse-mouth thing and pipes down.

PuppyMonkey · 03/02/2015 16:55

Sam, but what if you hadn't been up all night and had spent ages making yourself look glam only to be told "you look tired."

My former friend used to do it to me all the time when we were meeting for a night out. Lovely start to the evening.

I don't think it shows empathy - just ask "How are you today" and that's better.

pinkyredrose · 03/02/2015 16:56

Charlotte Grin

ILovePud · 03/02/2015 16:58

I think it depends, if they are asking out of concern then I don't mind but if it's a sly way of saying I'm looking crap then it winds me up, I try to see the best and assume it's the former.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 03/02/2015 16:58

But what if you'd had plenty of sleep Sam? Are you allowed to be offended then?

I hate it, people usually say it to me when I have no make up on because I'm naturally very pale!

Marshpillow · 03/02/2015 16:59

Someone at work does this whenever I don't put eyebag-concealing make up on. "You look REALLY TIRED!" across the open plan office. I just say "thank you" and turn away.

Moncherry · 03/02/2015 17:11

I fucking hate it too, OP. I have naturally dark bags under my eyes (runs in family) and even with concealer I still get comments.

JumpRope · 03/02/2015 17:14

My mum is the only person is and said this to me. I could not understand people at work or friends saying it?

Christmasbargainshopper · 03/02/2015 17:19

My mil says this quite often. It's particularly annoying when I think I am well rested that day and looking fabulous Wink To be fair, I think she is just hoping I will collapse in a tired heap and hand over her grandchildren more often Grin

WellTidy · 03/02/2015 17:22

I think people are saying it to show empathy sometimes.

A friend of a friend once said it to me, in front of my ILs. I was very tired at the time. I had a lot on my plate and very little support. She knew via a friend that ILs were so caught up in themselves that they hadn't noticed that maybe I could do with some practical help. So I think she said it to try and make a point to ILs that I was tired and maybe prompt them to offer some help.

It didn't work.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 03/02/2015 17:25

It's better than being told you look miserable.

Like 'What's up with you? You look miserable/pissed off/fed up'

You; 'oh I'm fine thanks'

Other human 'it's just you looked miserable/pissed up/fed up'

You; 'well I'm not, I'm fine thanks'

And you say that with a tone because the convo is getting a bit tedious not to mention pointless.

Other human; 'ooooOOOOooo! Who rattled your cage?'

You; --'YOU you annoying Fuck!!!'

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 03/02/2015 17:27

I meant to type that as YOU you annoying Fuck!!!

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 03/02/2015 17:27

Or you might actually say that and end up arguing over something so stupid.

TheWitTank · 03/02/2015 17:31

Yanbu. Basically translates to 'you look like shit'. Thanks for that.

bettyboop1970 · 03/02/2015 17:33

I look tired because I am. I work nights and have to go to the school looking like a zombie.

latersbabes · 03/02/2015 17:35

Omg I totally agree. I hate it and I usually get the comments from people after I've had 10 hours sleep...

Yeh I definite want to say ODFO but I just give them a stare instead.

RealHousewifeOfSheffield · 03/02/2015 17:35

My DNan-il says it to me every single time I see her (1-2 a year). At first I took it as an honest reflection on my appearance and it was the toll of young babies.
Now, whilst still an honest reflection, I just find it really rude. Last time I just responded with an abrupt Thanks. Which I then felt terrible about.

grovel · 03/02/2015 17:37

I like it when DH says it followed by "sit by the fire and I'll fix you a gin and tonic".

He does that quite often.

echt · 03/02/2015 18:02

It is solicitous if immediately followed by an offer of help, otherwise it's-just rude. An old HOD I had told every woman she met at work how tired they looked. Eventually I came back with: yes, I am. Would you like to do some of my marking? Cue nervous titter.