AIBU to wonder if this is "new" and not like it at all?!

[Weathergames]

On FB (sorry) friends have posted scan pic of baby and clearly have been told the sex and have put "introducing" and the name of the baby, which is not due for a good 20 odd weeks.

Why do people do this?

My mum would never buy anything for a baby until it was born - this almost seems date I say it tempting fate? :S

I wouldn't publish things like that on FB, though I might tell a few close family and friends the sex if I had found out.

It's personal preference really. I was never superstitious about pregnancy until my first ended in miscarriage. I was very guarded about anything and everything in my subsequent pregnancies and would hardly even let myself believe in them, let alone anyone else.

It's not a question of tempting fate at all. If Weathergames' mother didn't buy much if anything for a baby before it was born, it was because it would have been a waste of money to buy for something that didn't happen. I know because I've been there. My two had nothing before they were born because we could not afford to waste spend money that could have gone towards other things in the days when our mortgage was based just on the husband's salary.

I get where you're coming from op. It's an old fashioned turn of phrase 'tempting fate' and before everyone jumps on you, I don't believe you're blaming people for their miscarriages at all. In the past, more babies died inutero, in birth and in early years. I'm sure this was a way for people to try and mitigate the distress if you did suffer a loss (as if not naming the baby, or having a pram beforehand makes any difference to the trauma of losing a child). It's crude, but not malicious, something my mum and her generation believe quite strongly in, although they obviously know that buying a pram doesn't 'cause' something bad to happen.
Btw, I also agree it's a bit over-sharing and not something I would do, but it is their business what they share publicly, so let them get on with it.

To each their own. I don't see anything wrong with it. Their baby, their announcement to make as they see fit, surely?

To answer your questions:

It's not 'new' in as much as people have always shared the news that they are pregnant. Technological advances mean that they know more about the baby before it's born, but sharing that really isn't any different to telling someone you are pregnant.

It's not tempting fate as there is no such thing - your mum may well not have bought anything for a baby until it's born, but presumably she wasn't the only person to know she was pregnant? This is the same thing.

No I don't think the baby shower caused the baby to die. I'm not sick actually thanks very much. It just made everything much more painful ie what do we do with the presents bought do we still give them, the mother was left with gifts she couldn't use etc. if wasn't sick it was very distressing actually for the mum.
The point I was trying to say that in times gone by this was very common and people had the superstitions to protect themselves almost. Hence not buying too much etc as this is the hardest thing you'll have to deal with if it ever happens. Actually it still happens a lot but with modern medicine we think wrongly that it's all going to be ok and when the worst happens it comes as a great blow. The older generations didn't have this and this is where the superstitions and culture of not over sharing came from.

But if the worst happens, it doesn't mean the little life that was inside should never have been celebrated. This is hard to articulate, but if a baby passed away a month after it was born, it wouldn't have been bad to have announced the birth, received gifts etc. What I mean is, this couple are obviously very happy with and excited and there is no reason they shouldn't share that. Their baby exists, is a little person-to-be and why deny them the joy of that in case something goes wrong in the future? I think it's so mean-spirited to see your friends have made this announcement and instead of being pleased, criticise them for being naff.

I agree Jelly.

Tempting fate? If anything were to happen to the baby he or she would still be named, the parents would still talk and think about their child every day, the only thing that mostly happens is it makes everyone else uncomfortable when the child's name is used.

I found comfort in my children's things after they died, they didn't have a lot to show for their lives and I cherish the things that were theirs , including their names. I really don't buy into the whole tempting fate crap at all. My babies didn't die because I bought things and named them early on.

Personally, I wouldn't share a picture of my uterus, whatever was in it at the time.

slutbucket sorry if I misread you. But when you followed 'I believe baby showers tempt fate' with the babies loss it seemed as if you link them. It's the phrase 'tempting fate' which I hate, you talk about people not buying things as it would make things harder if the worst happened, which is true and I know someone who had a late loss and of course her second pregnancy was very different due to this experience and she didn't really think the baby would be here until she held him. But I would never have thought 'ooh tempting fate' when she was happy and excited and bought things the first time. It has connotations of blame on the mother which is awful. If someone is lucky enough to have a healthy happy pregnancy in which they are excited and they don't spend it in an agony of worry, then that's good for them.

And I dislike the culture of silence and almost shame around miscarriage. If you're expected not to tell people about your pregnancy in case you lose it, then are you supposed to deal with that loss all alone if it happens? Not mention it to other people and just get on with your life as though nothing has happened? If someone wants to share their pregnancy at any stage I don't think they should be discouraged on the grounds that they could lose it. Of course, people may want to keep it private but they shouldn't feel that they have to.

Tempting fate is an idiotic term. It ranks alongside "lost their fight with cancer" and "everything happens for a reason". Idiotic word guff that bubbles out of people's mouths when they are frightened of something they don't understand or sad about how shit life can be.

If people put their scans on Facebook I think "how nice! a baby!" I don't think "Oh god, by uploading those megapixels and then telling us all the baby's sex and name they have caused the death of their unborn" and I am very surprised to hear anybody does.

Also agree with Trojan . Don't want anyone seeing the inside of my uterus to be honest!

fb friends of mine did this too and they had photoshopped it to have the 'introducing ' and I admit I did cringe a bit. I don't think it's anything to do with tempting fate, and have no issue with putting scan photos on fb, it's an excellent way to let people know. I think it's a shame there's no excitement anymore (selfishly) and I personally think it is lovely when you hear the sex/name once the baby is born.
Each to their own though I guess.

Yabu. One of my babies died at 16 weeks. Those friends I hadn't told I ended up doing so. She was my baby, not a secret. I loved her.

It is old fashioned not to buy things until the baby is born. These days there is so much choice and a lot of things you need immediately, you don't want to rush out to Mothercare, still bleeding all over the place and looking godawful and dripping milk.

It's not like you can send your mum/sister/MIL out to buy you a pram or whatever - god can you imagine the threads?? "AIBU, my MIL bought me a pink Graco, does she think I'm some kind of chav?!" or "My utter bastard of a DH has gone and bought a car seat which didn't get 130% on the safety testing. He must not care about our baby at all!"

Most people want to choose things and shop around for a good deal, which means buying things in advance. And if they want to announce the name, picture, etc then why shouldn't they? I don't get all of this po-facedness about it. If you don't care, then just scroll past it! They'll post a picture of the baby when it's born as well if that's the bit you want to see.

I don't understand you at all OP. Your friend is excited about the baby they are expecting and chooses to share that excitement with you and their friends and family. Your response to this is to start a thread bitching about them on here, calling them naff.

I'm just about to have DD2, and had a miscarriage in between pregnancies. So I felt nervous about putting scan pics online this time, in a way that I hadn't before.

Of course my close friends in RL know I'm pregnant and the family all know - but I'm aware that when we announce the birth there will be a whole bunch of people on FB going 'Huh? I didn't even know you were pregnant!' - and some of them may feel a bit aggrieved they weren't important enough to know the news beforehand. I do feel a little bit bad I didn't put it online sooner, but after experiencing miscarriage it's very hard to view pregnancy in the same way. Plus I have other friends struggling to have a second or even first baby so when I did get pregnant again I felt like I didn't want to gloat about it.

Mind you, it did happen with a friend online - I had no idea she was pregnant until it was on FB that she was in hospital about to give birth. We just happened not to have seen each other in a while and she'd chosen not to put any news about it on FB before that (& she's not a heavy FB user anyway, nor am I).
I didn't feel offended that she hadn't said anything before, just pleased for her.

Tempting fate comes from people being practical in the olden days. I think they saw so much tragedy that they needed to find traditions to protect themselves. In my family history we have had children due, my mum was very prem and really should have died. I think this has kind of stayed with me. I had a very high risk twin pregnancy and I felt professionals dealt with me differently. They would deal with ifs and buts rather than when. It was actually difficult to listen to.

I suppose I am superstitious but does that make my belief experience less valid. I wasn't happy until my babies were out safely and I knew they was ok. I did by a pram early because I had a feeling of what if.

As some of us sadly know, being pregnant does not mean you are going to have a baby. I cannot understand people who do this and who act as if they are definitely going to bring a baby home on x date. It is a form of ignorance and arrogance. However I am also slightly jealous of their innocence.

17 more people today will have that innocence taken away from them forever. Would they regret buying stuff? I never bought stuff but then felt sad for the baby that I hadn't bought her anything, and maybe my lack of faith in her meant my body hadn't fought for her. We always find things to regret.

I don't think anyone actually means it's 'tempting fate' i.e. that preparing for a baby or announcing a name will actively cause anything bad to happen.

That's a load of codswallop obviously.

It's more that you don't know how a pregnancy will pan out so some people prefer to be slightly more cautious in what they share or how much they plan ahead.

My sister is an obstetrician and mother of four. She never found out the sex or her babies or named them because she knows through sad and bitter experience that a pregnant does not always end in a baby.

All that said, people will and can do what they want regarding baby announcements and it's probably best to feel happy for them rather than criticise them!

Juniorcake that is so sad. I think loosing a child is the single most traumatic thing a person can go through. I can only imagine your pain. Please be kind to yourself. X

The whole 'tempting fate' view is completely normal in France, where my own mum's from. Most French women I know balk at the idea of baby showers, A) because they're a very American thing and B) because it really is seen as counting your chickens before they've hatched.

Personally, I announced both of my pregnancies on Facebook with the 12 week scan pic, but no name choices were revealed and I only revealed the sex of DS1. Other than that, I barely talked about either pregnancy online. I was too anxious (cheers for instilling that in me, Mum!).

I don't believe in the whole concept of "tempting fate" but I do think it is daft to announce your baby's name as set in stone a long way before the birth. I can understand people saying something like "we are thinking of Matthew for a boy or Tamsin for a girl" but not stating it as a fact that you ARE using this or that name. I saw some photos of a name plaque some people I know bought for their baby's room probably 3 months before the baby arrived. Who doesn't know someone who was fairly set on one name until shortly before the birth and then suddenly fell in love with a different one? If you'd been that definite about the name so early on you'd either feel obliged to use it even if it wasn't your favourite any more, or put your friends and family in a difficult position if they'd already bought personalised stuff.