To not send DS (2) to wedding abroad because I can't go? WWYD?

[KatherineClifton]

SIL is getting married abroad (2-3 hour flight) this summer when DS will be just 2. DH, DS and I were all planning to go over for a few days, but I have recently found out that I am pregnant, so I definitely won't be able to go, as will be approx. 35 weeks.

We were originally thinking that DH could just go with DS, but, on reflection, we both think this is a bad idea because the wedding is in the evening, so DH will end up missing most of it with putting DS to bed and sitting with him, plus he's worried the travel may be tricky on his own with DS. It's also going to be very hot and DS won't really know anyone else there, as he doesn't see his gps very often, as they live a long way away. I also (selfishly?) don't really want to be away from DS for 3 nights, while he is abroad, although he will obviously be with DH.

Anyway, we're both a bit worried about telling PILs about the pregnancy, as MIL in particular is very excited about the wedding, and I feel like she will ask about whether we're coming to the wedding immediately. DH will definitely go, but would you send DS too? DH and I both think it would be in everyone's best interests if DS doesn't go, but I know PIL will be disappointed if DS isn't there (less so me, haha!)

WWYD?

He's going with his dad, so in fact it would be better for him since you will be heavily pregnant and it might be too much to handle. Also your il will be there so lots of hands.

Neither you nor your DH want your ds to go, so he doesn't go.

It's really that simple. Your pil can be disappointed all they like, it's not their choice to make.

In those circs as you are so keen to have him at home rather than enjoy the peace and quiet (are you crazy?!!) I would probably just send DH and keep ds at home..sounds like it's not an ideal scenario for him..

However you might change your mind when you are 35 weeks and knackered ?? and DH will have to get used to looking after DS more when the baby comes..could be good practice!

It could be some lovely extra bonding time for your DH and DS ahead of the birth. Usually Dads spend alot of time with the DC1 in the weeks after the birth and so it wouldn't be unusual iyswim.

In my pregnancies 2 & 3 I would have loved to have had some alone time by 35 weeks!

You can fly up to that time so should be ok to go if you still want to / can face it. Or if you just don't want to go, bear that in mind when you make your excuses for not going just in case they are aware of that too!!

Keep DS home, if most of the wedding is evening time. Maybe have your folks have him overnight one or two of the nights as beleive me, 32weeks onwards with a small child is hard fucking work!

Why would dh put your ds to bed when yhey are at a wedding?

I'd keep my DS home with me in your circumstances. Your DP won't have as fun as time with DS there and you'd both rather he stays at home anyway

Just 2, at a wedding, in the evening, in the heat, where he doesn't know many people??

Now that sounds like hell on wheels.

Keep him at home! And sod the naysayers.

although YABitU as at 35 weeks, believe me, you'd be glad of the rest if he went!

Thanks for the advice. Think - DS and I would probably stay with my parents while DH is at the wedding, or DS can stay with them and I can have some peace and quiet!

I kind of agree about it being nice for DH and DS to have some time together, but I also feel like it's going to be pretty hard for DH - I wouldnt fancy taking DS on my own - and the wedding itself isn't very child-friendly iyswim. DH doesn't get much opportunity to let his hair down atm, so would be a good chance for him to do so before the new baby comes along.

freelance - my pregnancy is classed as high risk becasue of previous complications so I don't think i'll be able to fly at all.

notonyourninny - because the wedding is in the evening.

I'd send DS with your DH. I'm not sure why him being sent to your parents would be a better solution than being with his dad and it'd certainly antagonise me if I was your DH's family.

Depending on what country this is in, I assume it is in the evening because of the heat, and that the majority of children, including 2 year olds, will be up and about enjoying the excitement, and probably having had a siesta?

If your DH took him, could he race about in the evening until exhausted and then sleep in his buggy in a corner? That is what we did with DS when he was 2 and we were on holiday!

2 year olds get to know people pretty quickly and if your DH is staying with PILS they will become familiar quickly.

Or just keep him with you.

If both you and DH agree that it would be too much for DS then you have 2 options really, either give your inlaws the option to help look after DS by flying out with DH to help him with DS and then taking it in turns with DH to look after DS at night so that all get time at the wedding or he doesn't go.

Failing that, is there a good friend that you could send with DH specifically to look after DS?

either way YANBU to not send DS although I would send him to your parents and enjoy the peace and quiet!

What Blu said.

for 3 nights so day flying , then stay one night - new place , new routine etc . Then presume wedding day , might still be tired from travel , again probably , second night then one more night and home again - with a 2 yr old Nah wouldn't bother , far too much hassle.

wah wah wah. your H can't take a child on a flight that's pretty much a commute for some? Wow what a catch he is!

i took my DS (20m) to NYC for 10 days for my Dsis wedding, an 11 hour flight from where I lived at the time. We stayed with people i had never met before, borrowed a cot, and pottered about. I settled him myself every.night. I even managed to dress and feed him.

DS went everywhere, napped in pushchairs if he needed it. Come the actual big day itself, he came to the wedding and reception, danced and had lots of fun then eventually conked out in the pushchair and all in all had a right old time in the Big Apple. There were no people to look after him for me, I just did it. I dealt with his toddler jet lag too when we got back. Hilarious!

Really pisses me off how being a bloke means you can't apparently do the simplest of things.

it's 3 days, around the corner and he ought to be stepping the hell up to be able to manage his own child so that you can get on with the business of bearing the 2nd one.

To be fair if it was me I wouldn't want my dh to go anyway being so heavily pregnant.

If it was for work fair enough but it's a wedding. You are high risk so why would he want to leave you.

Anyway that aside I agree with Blu that way at least you get some rest while they are gone.

Yes normal labour 37/42 weeks. Why risk it. If people get married abroad they risk others not wanting or being able to attend.

That's why they are so
Popular!

I think if your son wouldn't enjoy it, that's one thing.

If there'd be rellies wanting to see him & help out & your husband is a lazy arse, that's another!

Wow hissy your name is appropriate.

I wouldn't want to take Ds in these circumstances so why would I expect DH to.

Op, just have him at home and DH can have a few days getting pissed, it'll be nice for him. Nice for you to spend time with Ds while he is still an only child too. I did loads of stuff with him at that stage knowing that it would be the last time for awhile, like swimming

Just to clarify, DH hasn't refused to take DS; we both think it would be easier all round if he didn't go.

squattingneville - yes, that's my other concern, and the reason that I am high risk now. But we can't say that none of us are coming to the wedding. PIL and SIL would be very upset.