Unreasonable question/comment from son's teacher?

[Feminine]

My eldest son is in year 11.
Unfortunately he has never enjoyed school, and although polite (confirmed by all his teachers) he makes no effort.
Anyway, that is more back story than anything else, although l feel it relevant.

My younger son will start in year 7 in September.

Last week one of his head of years (who is also in charge of new intakes) asked my son:

"(smiling) Are you still definitely not returning to school for 6th form? "
My son confirmed he wasn't.
She then went on to say:

"oh good. I have just seen that your brother is wanting a place in September and now there will be no sibling connection, and we are oversubscribed as it is"

Really?

The teacher is totally forgetting that my youngest son will have to attend as it is the only catchment school.

Wasn't she unprofessional?
I think it was a really odd thing to say to my eldest son.

They don't like him. Fair enough.
However, l am concerned that they have now marked my youngest son's card.

Any thoughts please.

She is terribly unprofessional and it is downright disgusting that she is making judgements about a child who she doesn't know. Each of your children are individuals and she would do well to consider that.

I think that is an inappropriate thing to say. Though I have seen a HT telling a year 7 that he hoped he wouldn't turn out like his brother. I thought that was inappropriate too.

I think you're reading too much into it*. She's talking about the pressures of being over-subbed, not how horrible your son is to have in class.

*Mind, I say that to almost everyone on MN.

In the dark.

Yes, I believe that also.

It isn't the first time unfortunately.

Ask her. Bluntly. 'Last week at x o'clock you said ...... as I take it you are refusing x a place, please let me know where I can lodge an appeal over this. Thanks'

Yes but it is human nature to judge people on their family and siblings. I remember first day of high school and in every class we had to stand up if we had siblings at the school and state who they were.

My mum had very naughty older sister & brother who were both excluded she had to shake off there reputation and instead worked very hard.

I think he was probably unprofessional to say it to your DS1 but people are naive to think that it doesn't happen.

My son is seen as an 'underachiever'
In case anyone thinks it is anything serious.
I really understand that can upset teachers.
At home, he has taught himself many things, he just doesn't agree with education in a school settings. I will be home educating him come September, so they can be rid.

Not that that matters really. Just a bit of background. :)

It was unprofessional of her.

However, she really might just have meant it about the numbers without it being a slight?!

Still stupid, rude & crass though.

*setting.

It worries me as my youngest will already struggle as he has some additional needs in school.

We live in a small village, l expect it in the primary. Unfortunately, as our area is so small it seems to be spilling in to the high school also.

One of the high school teaching assistants lives next door!

I feel quite upset.
Thank you for all your responses...

I think it was a mean, PA thing to say. And naïve as it may sound, I don't expect teachers to be mean and PA.

I agree with the PP though - breeze in and say 'oh hello, I just wanted to confirm what you said to DS1, I am a little confused as obviously this is the catchment school, but perhaps DS1 misheard you saying there wouldn't be a place for his brother.'

I would also do a tinkly laugh. Two can play the PA game. but only one can win

Unless she works for the LA school admissions office, it has nothing to do with her so I find it an odd comment to make.

However, I've never heard of sibling connection being a 'thing' in secondary school and especially not in 6th form.

No, she was explaining that year seven would be this year.
Apparently she was holding paperwork in her hands, marking off (as she went) that there was *now no sibling connection.
Thereby removing another reason for applying. (iyswim)

I think it was harsh of the teacher to be pleased DS1 isn't returning. It was unprofessional to talk about whether DS2 would get a place. I can't for the life of me, though, see where she suggested that she didn't want DS2 because of DS1.

worra
I know that when l filled in the application, it asked if any siblings currently attend.
That might be doubly useful here, as they would have both been requiring school transportation. :)

I read that as:

If you're not going to be on roll in September your younger brother won't get sibling priority to enter year 7 in September.

This may or may not be right. It depends on how the admissions policy is worded. Frankly I doubt most admissions policies are worded that way, as otherwise you'd have year 7s being turfed out in September when their older siblings fail to enrol in the sixth form or drop out early on.

Wow! That's terrible. I'm a teacher, I would not dream of saying something so unprofessional and rude. Please make a complaint.

jessica
I see what you mean.
However, it certainly sounds like that to me.
I would be much happier if it wasn't. :)

It's really nothing to get so worked up over. Yes maybe she shouldn't have said it but unless she told him he isn't getting a place then it really a big deal.

all yes, that is exactly it. Priority is the word l was looking for.
My youngest son doesn't need it, as he will have to go there anyway....

I am sure some of you may realise that this isn't the first time, 'unusual' comments have been made.
I think that is why l am upset. Worrying that they may use my eldest son's indifference to school, against my youngest.
Written down, it almost looks petty.
Unfortunately, l have never been supported by the school so this concerns me.

It is a big deal for OP because she feels (and I can see why) that the teacher showed some pleasure in the fact that her younger son may be denied a place. As OP knows her younger son will be going to that school it is upsetting and uncomfortable for her to think he is going to a place that is already treating his arrival as a negative thing particularly if he is going to need some additional support. It would bother me too.

Actually, now I come to check, in fact the teacher may have a point. Assorted admissions policies from my local area.

^11–18 community schools – children whose
brother or sister is on the roll of the school on
the closing date for applications and will still be
on the roll of the school at the intended date
of admission. If the school is oversubscribed
entirely with siblings, priority will be given as in
3a above.^

^ Applicants with a brother or sister on the roll of
Addey and Stanhope School at the closing date
for applications and whose sibling is expected to
be on the roll of the school at the intended date of
admission. ^

^Pupils who, on the date of admission, will have an
older sibling (i.e. a natural brother or sister, or a
half-brother or sister, or a legally adopted brother
or sister or half-brother or sister, or step-brother
or sister who will be living with them at the same
address at the date of their entry to the academy)
on the roll of the Hatcham College secondary
school.^

^Children with a sibling on roll at the time of
admission in September 2015.^

^Children with siblings in Year 11 who will have
left Trinity at the time of the younger child’s
admission do not qualify. ^