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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unreasonable question/comment from son's teacher?

61 replies

Feminine · 28/01/2015 13:22

My eldest son is in year 11.
Unfortunately he has never enjoyed school, and although polite (confirmed by all his teachers) he makes no effort.
Anyway, that is more back story than anything else, although l feel it relevant.

My younger son will start in year 7 in September.

Last week one of his head of years (who is also in charge of new intakes) asked my son:

"(smiling) Are you still definitely not returning to school for 6th form? "
My son confirmed he wasn't.
She then went on to say:

"oh good. I have just seen that your brother is wanting a place in September and now there will be no sibling connection, and we are oversubscribed as it is"

Really?

The teacher is totally forgetting that my youngest son will have to attend as it is the only catchment school.

Wasn't she unprofessional?
I think it was a really odd thing to say to my eldest son.

They don't like him. Fair enough.
However, l am concerned that they have now marked my youngest son's card.

Any thoughts please.

OP posts:
AllMimsyWereTheBorogoves · 28/01/2015 13:51

Feminine, if you are living in England, I'd be surprised if your LEA had to find your place for your son at any given school, catchment school or not. That is not how it works. If he doesn't get a place on sibling priority do you live close enough for him to get in on proximity to the school? If not, you may well find that he doesn't get a place at all. Did you apply to any other schools?

Ruperta · 28/01/2015 13:53

Just realised I read the OP completely wrong! Sibling connection so he will get a place ....

CaptainAnkles · 28/01/2015 13:54

I can't find a positive way to view the teacher's comment. It sounds to me that she was saying, 'oh good, your brother won't be coming here if you're not at school anymore', except it's your catchment school so he will be anyway. How extremely unprofessional of her to write off someone's sibling like that.

Original poster
Feminine · 28/01/2015 13:54

Thank you gok
That us exactly it.

This year has been harsh. l have been working with my youngest son's teachers to find out how 'top school' will assist with his additional education needs.

I didn't need this really.

OP posts:
GokTwo · 28/01/2015 13:57

I feel for you. I am having one or two concerns over my own Dd at high school (up until now it has been great) and am just trying to think of how to phrase my concerns so that I don't come across as "one of those parents". It's very difficult. It does make me more determined as a teacher to be good at listening to parents who come to me with concerns about their children though.

Original poster
Feminine · 28/01/2015 13:57

all it is proximity too.
We are a village 4 miles away, all the village children are bussed in.
Masses from our street. :)

The other school is in another County,
it is five miles away anyway.

OP posts:
TheNumberfaker · 28/01/2015 13:57

What do you mean by he will have to go there anyway ?

Unless he has a statement specifying that school, surely he'll be subject to the same admissions criteria as everyone else? If there are too many applicants living within catchment, there's no guarantee he'll get in! Or are yiu in Scotland?

Original poster
Feminine · 28/01/2015 13:59

They'd have to ask a neighbouring County to get a driver to pick him up.

We are in the middle of three. Varying by just a couple of miles each way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 28/01/2015 14:00

thenumber it is the only school he can attend.
I think we cross posted. :)

OP posts:
tomandizzymum · 28/01/2015 14:00

WTF, I think I would have actually said that if I'd been there. Did you hear this or is it being relayed via your son? Not suggesting he's lying but did he mishear? Misinterpret? Because that's seriously unprofessional if he didn't!

Original poster
Feminine · 28/01/2015 14:02

tom no, he got it the way it was intended.

It was just way too random for my son to misinterpret.

It isn't the first time either.

OP posts:
TheNumberfaker · 28/01/2015 14:03

I don't think we have cross posted? AllMimsy seems to agree with me.

Original poster
Feminine · 28/01/2015 14:08

thenumber

Well, round here (rural) it is the way it has always been.
My son attends the 'feeder' school.

I think l should have said that earlier.

It wouldn't make any sense to contact a neighbouring County, and ask them to send a car each day for him, to a school further away.... The school bus stops in our road . :)

OP posts:
Icimoi · 28/01/2015 14:10

I think you're reading too much into it*. She's talking about the pressures of being over-subbed, not how horrible your son is to have in class.

No, she can't be. lljk. They will still be over-subscribed regardless of where OP's son comes on the list.

Icimoi · 28/01/2015 14:12

OP, don't assume your younger son will get a place just because other schools are further away. If the first choice school is full they will have to apply their oversubscription criteria, and if that means that they fill up with siblings and children who live nearer than you do, then your son will not get a place and will be put in whatever school is nearest that does have a place - even if that is many, many miles away.

Floralnomad · 28/01/2015 14:22

TBH if your son is polite ,well behaved just an under achiever I can't see that teachers would dislike him , what's to dislike it's his own future he is wasting . If the school is over subscribed sibling link will be relevant , it may be the first year it becomes an issue but there is always a first time .That said the teacher shouldn't have said anything to your eldest son about your youngest son .

Original poster
Feminine · 28/01/2015 14:26

Even if all the children in the village, attend? That wouldn't be very cost effective. They'd have to ask another County to school him.
It has never happened.

Oh well. At least he wouldn't have to put up with my eldest son's past history.

OP posts:
Original poster
Feminine · 28/01/2015 14:30

They don't like my son, because he doesn't play ball.
They can't 'get' him on anything as he is so polite. I can imagine he must be very annoying to have around.
Fantastic human, but lousy student.

OP posts:
MiscellaneousAssortment · 28/01/2015 14:39

It doesn't matter whether it was a jibe at your eldest son or a comment on over subscription, what the teacher said was incredibly rude either way!

claraschu · 28/01/2015 14:40

Yes this is something to get upset about. She is telling a child she is glad he isn't coming back and implying that his not coming back will mean his brother has less of a chance of getting a place in the school.

Also, it is always galling for children to be compared to their older siblings; people do it all the time, but surely a teacher should be on guard against doing this.

TheNumberfaker · 28/01/2015 14:46

Perhaps the teacher works in conjunction with Lea admisssions and is confirming that those applicants who say they have a sibling connection do actually have one? I don't know how this gets checked in practice.

funkyfoam · 28/01/2015 14:46

You can never assume with school places. We live in a small village 10 mins walk from the school. All children in our road went to village school. Foregone conclusion. Except one year it was oversubscribed by siblings. Two of my neighbours children now have to travel to the next town.

GritStrength · 28/01/2015 15:00

OP you need, as a matter of urgency, to look at the admissions criteria for your school. In many places there is no catchment and they go by criteria which generally puts siblings against non siblings (after current/formerly looked after children, SEN etc). Look at this carefully to see where you stand.

If sibings do trump non siblings then sadly your youngest child's chances may have been damaged by your eldest being open with the school about his intention to leave.

Original poster
Feminine · 28/01/2015 15:01

I won't assume. :)
In our area, it would be very strange to put him somewhere else further away, at a massive cost to a neighbouring County.
One school is eight miles away, the other five.
They even have the 'move up day' in the pipeline.
We shall see ;)

Thank you all. Very helpful to have your opinions. :)

OP posts:
bighairyspider · 28/01/2015 15:13

Its very unprofessional however,from experience, complaining would be a waste of time. My ds regularly had some nasty comments made to him by various staff at his school. If I complained I was told that he must have 'misunderstood' what was said. I even had other children and some parents come up to me to say what had been said to them about my ds but again I was simply told that it hadn't been said. It's always their word against yours so who is the Head going to believe?