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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask bf to come home from work

45 replies

jemima1988 · 28/01/2015 10:58

We have a 3 month old and I am really ill I have to keep leaving him to go and be sick or go to the toilet and I'm struggling
I know if I ask him he will say we can't afford to take a day off and he has no holidays left

AIBU and pathetic?

OP posts:
Thesimplethings · 28/01/2015 11:01

No you are not being pathetic. I'd ask him to come home so you can rest, plus minimise the risk of a 3 month old catching it.

ChocolateTeacup · 28/01/2015 11:01

YANBU but do you have a friend/family that could help?

Original poster
jemima1988 · 28/01/2015 11:02

No my mum is in work on her own she can't come home and I breastfeed a can't take him to a friends

OP posts:
Hatespiders · 28/01/2015 11:04

You obviously need help, and I'm so sorry you're ill.
Are there any alternatives to getting bf to come home? Family member, your dm, a friend or a neighbour?
If not, then YANBU. You can't be ill like this and cope with a tiny baby too.
Don't forget it's his child as well, and he has to take responsibility equally with you, short of money or not.
Hope you feel better soon. Flowers

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 28/01/2015 11:05

what specifically could your DP do if he was to come home.

Original poster
jemima1988 · 28/01/2015 11:07

piper look after the baby whilst I get some rest, be sick in peace and not have to worry about ds crying down sausage while I'm glued to the bathroom

OP posts:
Original poster
jemima1988 · 28/01/2015 11:07

** downstairs not down sausage

OP posts:
cailindana · 28/01/2015 11:08

Of course you should call him. He needs to come him asap.

cailindana · 28/01/2015 11:08

come home

shovetheholly · 28/01/2015 11:10

I think it depends a LOT on his work. If he'll get the sack for heading home then no, the long term consequences are far too bad for you to contemplate it. If he has an understanding boss who will allow him a day off in these exceptional circumstances, he should definitely head back.

Do you have any friends you can call around to help out?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 28/01/2015 11:11

If he will not come home, then I would take the baby upstairs as well as everything the baby and you need and spend the day on your bed and put the baby in the crib when going into the bathroom.

wishmiplass · 28/01/2015 11:13

Piper - oh, perhaps he could hold her hair back while she's being sick or something? What do you think?

Op - YANBU. You need to call him. It's unfair on you and the baby. He needs to look after you both. Could you try and express some milk so DP can take over for a feed or two when/if he gets back?

StandoutMop · 28/01/2015 11:14

I feel your pain. DH and I got norovirus when dd was 3 months old. He had to pass her to me to feed as I couldn't pick her up from the cot. It was definitely helpful to have him to help, even if he was ill too. If you feel like I did then you need someone who can help you and sounds like your bf is only option.

Get well soon.

EbwyIsUpTheDuff · 28/01/2015 11:14

I'd just relocate upstairs for the day, baby might not be thrilled but will be fine left in cot/other safe bedroom location while you throw up.

InfinitySeven · 28/01/2015 11:14

It might be that he can't come, rather than that he won't. Some bosses just wouldn't consider the exceptional. If you can't afford the day unpaid, that's a big issue, too.

Id take baby upstairs and take it easy, as much as possible. It'll be tough, but it won't be too long before he's back and can take over. Make sure he does, though. You need rest.

Finola1step · 28/01/2015 11:14

Call him. It's called leave for domestic emergencies. You are not safe to look after a 3 month old.

The only exception would be if he would get the sack. But if this is the case, he needs to start looking for a new job ASAP.

WiltsWonder15 · 28/01/2015 11:17

Sorry to hear you are struggling and no you are not pathetic.

I'd agree with shovetheholly - I think it depends on the potential consequences. If he was away on a business trip, what would you do, if anything?

I was going to use an Army tour as an example but I know that Army units usually have good support networks so that probably doesn't apply in this case.

My instinct says to try to manage on your own but without more information about his work and the consequences, it's hard to say more.

Hope you're better soon.

SolomanDaisy · 28/01/2015 11:20

YANBU. I've got a fairly mild stomach bug today and as soon as I emailed DH to tell him he called to ask if I needed him to come home. And our DS is three years, not three months!

Heels99 · 28/01/2015 11:22

Yanbu. Of course he needs to come home. He can look afte baby so you can rest etc. if he has no holiday left he will have to take unpaid dependants leave.

cailindana · 28/01/2015 11:24

What's the point in saying 'what would you do if he was away?' Naturally she'd have to cope. But clearly he isn't away so it's not relevant.

manchestermummy · 28/01/2015 11:24

YANBU. My DH had to stay at home once when dd1 was 4 mo. Having said that, these days I have two dc and just soldier on. Partly because dh won't come home. I once texted him half an hour after he had actually finished for the day because I really was not well, only for him to say "No problem, leaving in an hour".

kaykayred · 28/01/2015 11:25

Maybe I am super naive, but I can't think of many jobs where you would get the sack if you had to go home to look after a 3 month baby because your partner was incapacitated.

What would he do if you had the flu and literally weren't conscious?

His family responsibilities do not begin and end with his salary being deposited into the bank.

He won't have been the first man in the history of the company to have to take a day off work to look after his child.

NorwaySpruce · 28/01/2015 11:25

As others have said, it depends on his job.

The baby will be fine in a cot while you are throwing up.

Many employers would be fine with flexible working/leave. Some are not, and would just sack him/not offer more shifts/make his life miserable.

wishmiplass · 28/01/2015 11:26

Op has already said he'll say they can't afford it - not that he'd lose his job.

All of us wishes were ill over the new year (voilently sick, exploding arses, awful stomache cramps and so on). Luckily, we seemed to do it in a rota, so one of us could watch the kids whilst the other was on the loo/being sick/asleep. I would probably have soiled myself had DP not been there. That alone would outweigh losing half/a day's pay for me in itself, let alone potentially making DC ill too (although possibly unavoidable).

zzzzz · 28/01/2015 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.