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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if anyone has given their DC a surname of a family member/ friend?

37 replies

cottonhankie · 26/01/2015 22:16

rather than your own or dps? Or done something else which is considered non-traditional when deciding on your DCs last name? And what were your reasons?

Basically DH and I are considering giving our future DC my mums maiden name for several reasons - one of them being that we don't want to double barrell DC's name and neither of us wants to not pass on our name.

My mum's maiden is a lovely, non complicated surname (far nicer than either of ours) that has stopped since she and her sisters got married and changed to their DHs and we'd see this as a way of bringing it back and carrying it on.

Or would it cause too many problems do you think?

OP posts:

MushroomSoup · 26/01/2015 22:25

I have my DS my mum's maiden name as a first name and at first I thought that's what you meant!

Go for it! You will have a lifetime of explaining why his name is different, but I have a different surname to my child and it's never been difficult.

wheresthelight · 26/01/2015 22:31

if you go on holiday abroad you may need to consider the ramifications of passport control!! A friend of mine changed back to her maiden name so her and her kids had different surnames and she had all sorts of issues getting through spanish passport control and then back into the uk. Cases like the McCann's and Ben Needham mean that they are pretty anal about this so you may find that you need to have notorised documents to confirm that you are the parents.

Also think about how the kids will feel when they are older, at school etc, other kids are cruel and it could cause issues with bullying so worth bearing in mind.

MrsTawdry · 26/01/2015 22:52

Oh what tosh light bullying indeed! OP it's fine...most children these days are bright enough to understand that not all DC have the same name as their parents!

Greencurtain · 26/01/2015 22:53

You could all change to that name.

SantanaLopez · 26/01/2015 22:59

I couldn't be bothered with it tbh. I'd get fed up with the passport hassle and little things, like being called Mrs Childs-Surname at school and permanently having to explain it.

catzpyjamas · 26/01/2015 23:02

My DC has my surname as a middle name and shares same surname as DH as wanted them to have both our names but double barrelled would have sounded very weird

steff13 · 26/01/2015 23:06

I think it's fine, but if you both like it, why not change all three of your surnames to that name?

mickeyfartpants · 26/01/2015 23:09

My DS also has my surname as a middle name. Reason, simply because its a really cool name that stands up on its own.

BackforGood · 26/01/2015 23:12

I too was going to suggest the whole family using the name you've chosen - not that I see the point of.

RainingSocks · 26/01/2015 23:21

H and I have different surnames, and the DC have a different surname from either of us (but the same as each other). Their surname is H's father's first name. We always have birth certs with us when going through passport control and haven't had major issues. Outside of immigration nobody seems remotely interested, let alone bothered, by our surnames.

2rebecca · 26/01/2015 23:52

In our blended family of 6 of us we have 5 different surnames for complex reasons. We have travelled abroad with no problems.

maras2 · 27/01/2015 01:01

My 36 year old son has a host of names given by me when I was flooded with good ( bonkers ) hormones post partum.One of them,my maiden name when joined to his first name makes the name of my late father.They are all good 'proper' names,nothing trendy or made up.We've all grown to love the names even though in the early days,after hormones diminished,I did used to think ' poor little sod '

MrsTerryPratchett · 27/01/2015 01:05

well over half the kids at DD's preschool have a different name to at least one parent, sometimes two (double barreled when both parents have their own).

I manage to travel with DD having different surnames and different nationalities, you should be fine!

HereIAm20 · 27/01/2015 10:38

I had a friends who decided upon the birth of their first to change their own surnames by deed poll to the same name (they weren't married and didn't want to get married) so they all had the same family name. Indeed they chose an entirely random name with no connections - just one they liked. In fact it was a temp's surname who was at the office one day.

DertieBertie · 27/01/2015 10:49

DH and I combined our surnames (the first bit of mine, the last bit of theirs) because we both were indifferent to our names and wanted the same name for us and future children, and don't like double-barrelling. I'm very proud of our new surname!

Original poster

cottonhankie · 02/02/2015 14:17

Thanks everyone for your replies. We're still mulling over the options but it's good to know that there are others who haven't followed the conventional route. DertieBertie We have considered merging our two names but they don't sound good together at all.

Any more thoughts welcome!

OP posts:

leedy · 02/02/2015 14:26

My DC don't have my surname (though do have it as a middle name) and we've never had any trouble when travelling etc. so I wouldn't base a decision on (I'm also a bit eyebrow-raisy at the idea that having the same surname as a child somehow LEGALLY ASSURES THE AUTHORITIES that you're their parent, and not just that you're one of the many possible other people with the same surname, eg their sister/cousin/mad grandmother/paternal aunt who is in the process of kidnapping them/random completely unrelated person/etc.)

I think your idea is lovely, myself.

ohlordyplordy · 02/02/2015 19:08

I have a similar situation myself.
My OH and I aren't married. If we ever did marry, I wouldn't want to take his surname - I don't particularly like it, plus I would feel (in my mind) that I was abandoning my family for his, when really i'd want us to create our own family unit. So I would want to take his first name as my surname e.g. if he was called Thomas Smith (he isn't but it's a name that works equally well as a first and surname), I would become Mrs Thomas.
We have no intention of marrying soon (if ever), but we do have a baby on the way and i'm not sure whether we should give it my surname, then change it to 'Thomas' if we ever marry, or just go with 'Thomas' straight away.

Concordial · 02/02/2015 20:05

DC have a different family name to me. We have travelled through South East Asia, UAE and Europe with no hassle. It has never occurred to me to carry birth certificates to prove who they are or I am.
Also, they travel on Australian passports, I'm on British. I guess when passports are scanned, a whole lot more information comes up than what is displayed on the actual paper document including details of parents on children's passports.

My DCs are 4.5 and almost 3 and as yet there have been no dramas, raised eyebrows or complications with them having a different name to me.
We've done hospital appointments, GP visits, enrolments at school and daycare etc. It's all been straightforward.

I think your idea is lovely OP. Go for it.

msgrinch · 02/02/2015 20:34

I have my dad's surname, he hasn't seen me since I was a baby. my mum remarried but kept her maiden name. I have never been bullied or had any problems.

MrsDiesel · 02/02/2015 20:45

My ex dsd had a different name to both my ex and his ex. His ex named dsd after her stepdad. They dont have any contact any more so her dd is just randomly named after her mums ex.

Before exh and I got married I did have problems travelling with my ds who had his name.

SummerHouse · 02/02/2015 21:21

I have been stopped at passport control with my ds with a different surname. The chap was very kind and said ds was obviously my son but in future I would need a letter of confirmation.

leedy · 02/02/2015 21:26

As I said above, I'm genuinely puzzled why just "has same surname" is apparently taken as proof of parentage without which you need some sort of official certificate - anyone with the same surname as my sons is probably related to them, but only probably. I could have the same surname as my children and be an estranged relative trying to abduct them for all passport control know. It doesn't seem like a good reason to not give your child a particular surname that you'd otherwise like, especially as there are many cultures who don't have the same surname practices we do.

Again, never been stopped with mine.

TwitterWooooo · 02/02/2015 22:45

I know I'm in the minority here but I think it's a barney, over thought about idea. What is wrong with passing on your or partner/husband surname. Why are people obsessed with standing out as cool or alternative. It just looks like there is something to hide when your ancestors trace their family tree. Sorry but it's just weird ... To me.

Original poster

cottonhankie · 02/02/2015 22:53

TwitterWooooo, it's absolutely zero to do with being cool or standing out I can assure you. I think I explained in my post why we are thinking about this.

OP posts:

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