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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this shop assistant was in the wrong?

58 replies

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 26/01/2015 21:08

Was in my local supermarket today. Went to pay, my daughter went to get a bag to put our items in and the assistant snapped at her, 'Please don't mess with my stuff'. I didn't say anything and paid, keen to get away from the grumpy lady behind the till. Then came the weird bit. DD (3) likes to hold till receipts after we've been shopping. She asked me if she could have it and I said yes, and I fully expected the assistant to give it to her. She wasn't handing it to me anyway - sort of holding it in front of DD. She asked her to say please. DD did. Then she asked her to say please again, but this time more loudly. DD was getting confused and started to cry. Grumpy till lady then reluctantly gave the receipt to DD and started going on about how she hadn't said please.

So - AIBU to think it wasn't her place to chastise my child? She certainly wouldn't have made me beg for the receipt and say please repeatedly! In the event, as we left, I said, firmly and politely, 'Next time, please don't discipline my child. That's my job and not yours.' And then we left, me telling DD that the lady was clearly in a bad mood (out of earshot). I'm all for good manners, it was just the nasty, goady way she was with DD that put my back up.

OP posts:

GColdtimer · 26/01/2015 23:46

YANBU (however, thus hit a nerve as last time I challenged a shop keeper on her terrible behaviour her DH physically pushed me, my mum and dd (who was 3) out of their shop. I was 10 weeks pg. I ended up on my bum in the pavement with dd hysterical.

I pressed charges, shopkeeper pleaded guilty to common assault and got a hefty fine.

Nicknacky · 26/01/2015 23:49

I pick up fruit to inspect it, and my hands are as clean can reasonably be. But a child doesn't need to be picking up the fruit and it's not something I allow my kids to do.

I was fruit but have to admit sometimes I dont! I'm not particularly anal about a bit of muck but kids hands are everywhere!

Cocolepew · 26/01/2015 23:54

Oh twofalls did you have a thread about that? It rings a bell.

FightOrFlight · 27/01/2015 00:00

Nickynacky That's exactly how I feel. If I was with my young child I would pick up the fruit myself and let them 'inspect' it but I've seen too many kids with fingers up their noses etc. to want them getting touchy-feely with my apples!

Original poster

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 27/01/2015 00:06

Twofalls - that's terrible. I hope you're ok?

Jingly - I agree, it doesn't take much to say hi to a small child.

Just to point out, I have a DD and she didn't shout at anyone. If anything, the shop assistant was having a go at her. I think some posters have misread other posts and assumed it's me.

OP posts:

MidniteScribbler · 27/01/2015 00:07

Sorry but people blanking a tiny child waving and saying hello are miserable sods. Bottom line.

So the time that I had just had a miscarriage and was trying to pick up a few groceries and had a child demanding my attention and being cute, I was supposed to be happy and bubbly and interact with him?

Sometimes people have a very good reason for choosing not to interact. There is no law that says you must, and parents need to understand that not everyone finds their children as gorgeous as they do.

GColdtimer · 27/01/2015 00:14

Thank you, I am fine. It was 5 years ago now but dd1 still remembers it.

Yes coco there was a long thread until mad shopkeepers equally mad neighbour found us and basically shouted at me and because there was legal action the thread went poof.

Don't think I would have pressed charges without MN backing me all the way!

FightOrFlight · 27/01/2015 00:15

*Midnite Nobody said anyone had to be bubbly, but saying "hiya" back is generally not too difficult. I wouldn't consider a simple interaction like that demanding someone's attention. I appreciate you were in a bad pace emotionally but a few people here sound like they were sucking the lemons as opposed to handling the apples.

ElsaMoFoQueen · 27/01/2015 00:21

I worked on a till as a teenager, I was always in a bad mood haha, but I remember a little girl telling me all about her new princess dress.

It was the sweetest thing ever.

Also a lot of the time it was the children that handed the money over to me ("pay the lady" that phrased really fucked me off) .. but anyway no matter how much of a mood I was in it was lovely to chat and interact with any children.

She WBU.

NadiaWadia · 27/01/2015 00:22

Children are people too, you know. How much effort does it really take to say 'Hi' to a small child - takes 2 seconds. If an adult greeted you and you ignored them, people would rightly judge you as rude, so why is this any different? How miserable some people are.

ElsaMoFoQueen · 27/01/2015 00:29

He was putting them back nicely and this woman was watching us tutting and muttering to her friend about letting my son bash and bruise the fruit [anger] felt like throwing an apple at her, held in childish impulse.

... Yeah but was he really putting it back nicely?

My child when a similar age would sit in the trolley, and when I handed her things to put in she'd just chuck them - not in a bratty way but they don't really have the concept that things bruise/break.

I think perhaps the muttering was rude, but I think you are being rather biased.

What's cute to you, will not be cute to everyone else.

RocketInMyPocket · 27/01/2015 01:03

Is it bad that I hate other people's kids interacting with me? I barely have enough smiles for my own 2 half the time.
I mean I DO smile, say hello to them etc. but God it's a bloody effort.
Actually it's half the overly happy overly energetic kids, and half that mad smile the parents have on their faces at the time. (You know the one).
But I'm probably just a bitch
For the record OP Till Lady is a bitch too!

rainbowmash · 27/01/2015 01:08

I actually ran in here ready to defend the shop assistant. I worked in customer facing retail for five years and got the full force of over-entitled customer rage and unreasonable expectations.

But YANBU at all. This woman really overstepped the mark. I really don't know what she was trying to achieve with that display. There is usually no need to get frustrated at customers at the till. Even if they're annoying the hell out of you, they'll be there for around 60 seconds and then they're out of the door. Hardly worth the assistant's while to try and make a point to you!

JinglyJanglyMe · 27/01/2015 10:47

Interesting to hear others comments sorry OP (was sharing story to make you laugh and feel better, its not had effect I was hoping for and taken over your thread, my apologies )

twofalls omg! That's shocking. So glad you went ahead and reported it.

I appreciate what a lot of you are saying but he picked up 2 apples and put them back again right into the shaped grey plastic tray he had lifted them out of. If he had been licking them or picking his nose at the same time I wouldn't have let him lift them. I've seen adults with far dirtier hands handling the fruit.

The hiya bit happened very quickly and it is not something he is allowed to do run about shouting at people demanding their attention. He said one big hiya and it wasn't really shouting or yelling he just emphasised it as if woman couldn't hear him. I told him to shht. In total he said hiya three times. I have no problem with people not wanting to say hi that's up to them but is there any need for the glowering and the looking you up and down scowling thing? That is what annoyed me.

As stated we live in a very small community where everyone says hi, morning whatever we were in supermarket in the city (we don't have one) and it is the first time a grown up hasn't said hello back.

(What does I sound precious mean? )

ShebaRabbit · 27/01/2015 11:29

My m worked in a supermarket for 15 yrs, she loves young children and babies and has 10gcs, even my most overprotective friends were very relaxed leaving their children in her care. She often said you could really get to dislike children working on a till due to kids thinking it was ok to bark orders at her about how not to pack their groceries, mums letting their kids arse around counting out change when there's a large queue behind them and general brattishness- she smiled at kids numerous times and got a face pulled or tantrum because of a "no darling, you cant have those" at kids who were messing about with till rolls/bags/displays/whatever. She didnt mind the "I want sweets tantrums" but she said the nouveau type middle class kids were the worst for humiliating staff whilst mum or dad beamed on in approval of their kids being "assertive". I couldn't do that job, imagine being "told off" by a 5 yr old.
Her best weapon was a loud "oh you're lovely girl/boy arent you" when a kid and parent were particularly obnoxious

Op your assistant sounds like she was a grumpy old cow, however Whole Foods has exactly the type of customer base that my M claimed had the most obnoxious kids- not saying for a moment your DD was wrong at all, its horrible to hear about her being teased in that way. Maybe that assistant had a morning of kids barking orders at her

samithesausage · 27/01/2015 11:55

I heard a corker in our local sainsburys the other day. A woman at the self service till set of the "please wait for assistance" message.
Lady behind the till says "yes... Can I help?"
Customer replies "I think there's a problem, its saying put this in the bagging area and I have",
till lady replies "well you'll just have to wait I don't have three pair of hands!"
I wonder if it was the same shop

JinglyJanglyMe · 27/01/2015 11:59

saminthesausgae

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 27/01/2015 14:25

What Fight said

Original poster

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 27/01/2015 16:26

No worries Jingly. Your son sounds like a friendly little chap to me!

Sheba - I agree that Wholefoods is probably on a par with Waitrose etc customer base wise, so I see what you're getting at. The assistant was just nasty though and for no real reason. And it's not the first time I've thought that it's one thing having great food, but customer service (or lack of) really lets Wholefoods down. The thing is, unless you want to buy pre-packaged shite laden with additives and goodness knows what, they have rather cornered the market.

OP posts:

CombineBananaFister · 27/01/2015 16:49

Agree the till lady was rude and tormentative and unprofessional so YANBU OP.

I have to say though I have also witnessed the flip side of overindulgent parents allowing their children to behave like the world revolves around them believing no-one will find them annoying just unbelievably cute. You are wrong. Am looking at you people at The express tills which are for a speedy checkout not to pad out time and entertain your toddler.

Haven't noticed that this behaviour comes from a certain class though rudeness knows no social boundaries in my opinion.

JinglyJanglyMe · 27/01/2015 16:52

Thanks wibbly he is just starting to be lol. I will actually miss living here its really lovely lots of elderly people walk their dogs next to our house they are always stopping and blethering to him. Told woman who owns the village shop its not ok to let him just take a sweetie! OMG imagine at pik n mix somewhere eeeeek.

I've never even heard of Wholefoods! My mum was in for a coffee earlier mentioned this thread to her, she was a till lady all her life. She was [shocked] her boss would've had a fit if one of the staff behaved like that. Customers = money = your job. You don't ask an adult to say please before giving them change or a receipt. Hope you don't get same grumpy one next time!

JinglyJanglyMe · 27/01/2015 17:16

ooops even! should've gone to specsavers.

FightOrFlight · 27/01/2015 17:33

Am looking at you people at The express tills which are for a speedy checkout not to pad out time and entertain your toddler.

I know some people who get all 'tutty' when I'm with a lady with LD who spends a long time putting the money in the slot and retrieving her own change/receipt. We take twice as long paying as we do scanning the items. It's not for entertainment purposes, it's letting her be independent with her own money and learning new skills.

The way they look at us makes me think the extra minute or two must have a huge impact on their terribly important lives.

Different from a toddler but perhaps the parents are also teaching them independence and money handling skills. If they are juggling apples and stopping after each item scanned to sing nursery rhymes then I can understand the problem.

jeanswithatwist · 27/01/2015 18:03

problem is, if you say a simple 'hi' to a kid ie infront of you in a queue, that can be an unintentional come on for constant attention. i am friendly to other peoples kids ie if a child comes over and says hello if i am in a cafe i will say hello back BUT....this often encourages the kid to want to talk to me for alot of the time/hang around for ages etc when i am trying to read my paper. someone in a queue for many reasons may not want to engage with anyone, least of all someones child. i have noticed that some women enjoy watching their child try and have conversations with other people, same people that probably let their dog rush up to you because they assume you think their dog is adorable. when i had had a mc/ttc for years on end there were days wen the last thing i needed was to have someone elses child in my face, as rotten as that my sound. i say this as someone who used to cry in a supermarket on a regular basis due to infertility

Salmotrutta · 27/01/2015 18:23

songbird - I know your post was late last night but just to respond...

I'm assuming you aren't 2 years old so when you pick up fruit and check it you will be doing it carefully (I hope).
Two year-olds aren't generally known for their attention to detail and hence we end up with bruised fruit.

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