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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To go on a honeymoon without my son

82 replies

SleeplessSeattle · 26/01/2015 10:35

My partner and I are getting married next year, and I'm booking the holiday as a surprise (he knows we're going ofc but where/how long is a surprise for him). We currently have a four month old son, so he'll be around 17 months at the wedding. I'd always assumed we'd leave him with my parents/my partners parents, but some of the comments I've been getting from my friends have made me think this isn't okay? For background I was unexpectedly pregnant during my second to last year at university, and we've never gone on holiday just us two as we've never been able to afford it. But with him being so young at the time, he won't remember it and so will be just as happy going to the south of France for a week as opposed to half way round the world, plus the idea of a long haul flight with a toddler doesn't sound fun from what ive seen on here. Is it selfish, given that we have the opportunity to leave him with family, who he sees regularly, to go on holiday without him whilst he's still too young to remember.

OP posts:

BouleSheet · 26/01/2015 11:22

NU at all. A 17 month plus travel does not a holiday make. And while family may be supportive and willing to babysit now because it's your honeymoon IME they will not necessarily be so again: make the most of it and leave him at home - and have a great time.

Greylilypad · 26/01/2015 11:28

We left our 16 month old with grandparents for a week when we went on honeymoon. We had a lovely time and she was fine. A week was enough though as did start to miss her a lot the last day or two! A honeymoon is not just a holiday and I don't think grandparents would probably have offered to take her for a whole week for just a regular holiday. I doubt we'll get that opportunity again.
Also my mum has since passed away and I am glad she had that time with dd as she was so mad about her and really enjoyed the week. Dd is 3 now and doesn't remember but I tell her about her holiday at granny's and she is fascinated.

CoffeeandNumbers · 26/01/2015 11:31

I dunno, I don't really see the difference? I didn't do anything on honeymoon that I wouldn't have done with my dd. Apart from a punk/rock one day festival. (We traveled around California and Nevada, watched a local band that were playing the warped tour on one of the days)
But me and dh don't really drink much, don't do couples massages or things like that, and never have done. I think maybe that's why I don't get it.
Different strokes for different folks and all that.

MaryWestmacott · 26/01/2015 11:33

YANBU - although you might have a bit of a clingy toddler, DC1 would have been fine, DC2 is 19 months and would be a nightmare if left with soemone else (she wasn't always like this, but has got very clingy over the last 4 months, I'm hoping it's a phase she'll grow out of/when she's got more words we'll be able to explain Mummy will be coming back/Grandma is looking after her today...)

My advice would be leave booking until closer to it, and start some practice nights away, probably next few months onwards. Ideally have some time away from him in the day regularly as well, see how he copes.

Greylilypad · 26/01/2015 11:40

Well for lots of people honeymoons include splashing out on lovely fancy restaurants, drinking champagne, cocktails, dinner and dancing, lazing in hotel beds etc etc. Obviously not everyone has same tastes but having a toddler in tow would rule out plenty of 'honeymoon' activities. Holidays with my children now are very different, equally enjoyable in a totally different way, but I am still glad we had time alone to enjoy a romantic honeymoon!

MaryWestmacott · 26/01/2015 11:43

oh and at 4 months, you really don't know what his personality will be like. It would be very hard to judge if he'll be a 'fine to be left' one or if he's going to be a 'cries for 6 hours solid' child. I really thought it was down to my fabulous parenting with DC1 that he was ok being left with others, DC2 just isn't like him, far more clingy, far more shy, but I don't think I've done much different, just the way she is - the clinginess kicked in around 10months old.

ourglass · 26/01/2015 11:44

Of course it isn't selfish!

We went to Vegas for our honeymoon without the kids and it was fabulous!

bubalou · 26/01/2015 11:46

I don't think it's about not being able to do things with dc that you can do alone. It's a honeymoon. You deserve to relax.

I think it's horrendously stressful taking kids on holiday. We took DS when he was 2 and had an awful time, he hated it. Was great on plane but hated the heat despite all efforts to cool, shade, swim etc. didn't like the routine of all inclusive and meal times were a nightmare.

We've been center parcs every year since. His now 6 and we only took him abroad last year finally now that he's older.

MaryWestmacott · 26/01/2015 11:48

Agree with Greylilypad - my honeymoon was drinking a lot of cocktails, eating meals that lasted 3 hours, lazing on a sunlounger reading several books and looking round a few historical buildings/sights. Not really anything toddler friendly.

We still do beach holidays, but they are very different. Yes, we can get a babysitter so we can go out for a late dinner and drinks/dancing, but there's a big difference between waking up slowly the next morning and letting the hangover fade over a leisurely breakfast and swim at say, 11am, to a 6am wake up call by the mini-dictator shouting "Fetfast!" (DC2's attempt at saying 'breakfast') and hitting you with a stuffed rabbit until you move towards sourcing toast for her....

Original poster

SleeplessSeattle · 26/01/2015 11:53

We are going to attempt a beach holiday this September all three of us, so it's definitely not a case of we don't want to go on holiday with him. I'm perfectly happy leaving him with his grandparents, I know they'll look after him well and that he'll have fun there. If we were to do a travelling holiday round the U.S. then yes I might think about bringing him, but I was thinking something more along the lines of a resort in Thailand for example. Somewhere quiet where I actually have time to read a book!

OP posts:

WD41 · 26/01/2015 11:54

Yanbu. DD was 18mo when we got married and the only reason we didn't honeymoon alone then was because I was still BFing.

The following year we went away alone for a week for our first anniversary / belated honeymoon.

kaykayred · 26/01/2015 11:55

No of course you aren't being unreasonable!

Tell your "friends" to do one!!

How are you mean tot have all the hot honeymoon sex with your son around???

mildmaygrovenorth · 26/01/2015 11:57

We travel all over the place with our 18 month DS and we love it...but I wouldn't think twice about leaving him with beloved grandparents for a honeymoon! He will have a blast, your parents/PIL will love it and you will get quality time with your partner. We had a couple of nights away together last year and fully intend to do it again this year.

I have really fond memories of spending 2 weeks at my grandparents house while my parents were on holiday. I hope to give my son similar memories.

Mixtape · 26/01/2015 12:00

YANBU.

I don't mind taking my dc's on holiday and we have gone twice a year (camping or caravanning and a couple of times abroad) since they were both little. But a honeymoon is an adults holiday. I have left DS1 twice with my mum while DH and I went to Glastonbury for 5 days, when he was 1 and 3 years old - he had a great time!

DH and I have talked about having a weekend in ibiza by ourselves too. I am lucky that I have my mum to look after them as I suffer a lot from anxiety and wouldn't be able to leave them with anyone else.

Have a lovely time OP!

Ludways · 26/01/2015 12:34

We went to New York for 5 nights without our nearly 3 yo for our honeymoon, my parents had him for a few days. We came home and 2 days later we went away with him on a caravan holiday in the UK. Best of both worlds, loved it.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 26/01/2015 12:48

dh and i make sure we have 1 long weekend away every year.

We did take them on our honeymoon, but also invited my sister who looked after them for 2 evenings while dh and I went out.

maggiethemagpie · 26/01/2015 12:51

I am getting married next year and my kids will be 5 and 2.5 then. I'd love to leave them with the grand parents, but sadly they have refused as they think the little one will feel abandoned. Maybe they are right. So we're going to go as a family now, and maybe have a belated honeymoon in a few years when the kids are older and can be left with g/parents.

So YANBU to go without your son. But be aware that he may find it hard as he will not understand what has happened. My daughter is 16 months now and it would probably freak her out a bit if we were gone for a week.

Christelle2207 · 26/01/2015 12:57

If his gps are ok with it, Yadnbu. We have had hols with ours -17 months- good in many ways but awkward in many others. DS is going to his gps this weekend while we go away just the two of us....not done this before and looking forward to it. Am a bit worried about missing DS but have no doubt he'll be spoilt rotten and fine. For a honeymoon especially, you need to indulge in yourselves.

biggles50 · 26/01/2015 18:21

Do whatever feels right for you.

SnowWhiteAteTheApple · 26/01/2015 18:35

It's not something I'd do either and still wouldn't now DS is older. A holiday to us is for family, not just part of that family. I can't imagine leaving him out.

mameulah · 26/01/2015 18:40

No way would I go on holiday without my children, it is so much better being with them.

And speaking as someone who lived overseas for quite a while what would you do if something major happened in either your host country or here?

Fair enough a couple of nights away together in a hotel down the road but personally I think yabu.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 26/01/2015 18:42

Taking a little one on a holiday is hard work. DD is three and we have only done self catering UK breaks with her. I absoloutley do not plan on doing a beach holoday or similar until she is at an age where I dont have to have both eyes on her 24/7.

At the moment I cannot imagine beig apartfrom her for more than about three nights so we just stick to UK breaks. However thats me. My issues.Id never ever judge anyone who could - Id be jealous in fact.

The minute I get myself into the mindset of a week away from her, and by that I mean not left with dad which id be fine with now, DH and I will book a break away.

Davsmum · 26/01/2015 18:47

So long as your DS is used to the people you are leaving him with, it will be ok. You can always test the water before you go on honeymoon by letting him sleep over at grandparents to see how he is at being apart from you. I wouldn't just suddenly go off for a week unless I knew he was happy with being left beforehand

ChinaTeaSet · 26/01/2015 18:48

A honeymoon is for the couple. Not children.

OP I think your friends are jealous of the fact that you have the opportunity to get away without children. Don't let them. Book your honeymoon and enjoy all the couple-only time.

Plenty of time for family holidays but you only get one honeymoon!

Kaekae · 26/01/2015 18:56

I think if you are happy to leave him then go. I was never able to leave my babies but then I suppose I was a fool to myself. I got married abroad recently we took our 5 and 7 year old. It was really lovely having them with us, but we couldn't really do nights out and most of our wedding was based around our children which was fine for us. I think you should go for it if that is what you want. Like others have said perhaps test the water first see how you all get on. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. Enjoy.

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