To go on a honeymoon without my son

[SleeplessSeattle]

My partner and I are getting married next year, and I'm booking the holiday as a surprise (he knows we're going ofc but where/how long is a surprise for him). We currently have a four month old son, so he'll be around 17 months at the wedding. I'd always assumed we'd leave him with my parents/my partners parents, but some of the comments I've been getting from my friends have made me think this isn't okay? For background I was unexpectedly pregnant during my second to last year at university, and we've never gone on holiday just us two as we've never been able to afford it. But with him being so young at the time, he won't remember it and so will be just as happy going to the south of France for a week as opposed to half way round the world, plus the idea of a long haul flight with a toddler doesn't sound fun from what ive seen on here. Is it selfish, given that we have the opportunity to leave him with family, who he sees regularly, to go on holiday without him whilst he's still too young to remember.

[Keletubbie]

YANBU. Leave them while you can. They'll soon be old enough to guilt you about it - don't let other people do it now!

I went off to NYC on a girly weekend when she was 10 months old. IT WAS FANTASTIC. She'd string me up if she caught me doing it now (7, going on 17).

[teenagetantrums]

My two used to go off on Holiday with grandparents for 7/8 days from when they were a year old. they went to a carvan by the sea, my idea of hell but the grandparents and kids loved it. Lets face it holidaying with kids is not relaxing until they are old enough to amuse themselves/swim safely without supervision and not wake everyone at 6am. I always thought it was a waste of money taking them abroad when they would not appricate it , starting taking them when they were 7/8. Go and enjoy yourself, these early holidays and visits/holidays built a strong relationship between my two and their grandparents and now they are older 18+, they still choose to go and and spend a few days with their grandparents when the mood takes them.

[HenriettaTurkey]

Do it! It's great to spend quality time as a couple and in no way means you don't also spend quality time as a family. Just not when you're on honeymoon!

You have a year to build up the overnight visits at the GPs so that DC isn't overwhelmed and GPs know the routine.

It's good for your marriage, good for your child, who will become more well- rounded as a result, and good for the GPs.

Congratulations.

[5madthings]

Go!! Have a fabulous time!

Dp and I are getting married this year, a friend has offered to have the little two madthings and my parents will stay with the older three madthings.

Dp and I are just going to go to York (I think) for two nights. It will be the first time since we have had the kids that we will have been away without them. Ds1 is 15, so it's very overdue!!!

[livingzuid]

DD will be 13 months when we leave her for 3 nights in June to go to a festival. It will be the first time we have together alone after a very difficult couple of years and I think we need it. She will be with PILs and loves being with grandma right now. We are slowly building up to her being away from us (more to get us used to it!) and by then she should be fine and will be spoiled rotten that she will love. YADNBU. Go and have a great time.

[bubalou]

I disagree too hasty.

My DS absolutely adores his grandparents and would spend any amount of time with them with no problem. We face timed him from holiday and most of the time he was trying to run off and play and wasn't that bothered at all we were gone.

Of course this depends on the child but I think some people want their children to depend on then and 'need' them a lot more then they do.

Our DS is now 6. We have left him several times over the years -
Sometimes for one or two nights but never longer then 5 days. He has always been absolutely fine and had a fantastic time.

[han3459]

I would never consider leaving mine for that long. I think it's different when it's one parent going, but not both. I think 17 months is too early for them to understand you have gone. I know my dcs would have had trouble settling at that age for so long

[squoosh]

Oh I see TooHasty, you know people's toddlers better than their own parents do. And you also know that when grandparents say the kids have been fine they're actually fibbing?

[TooHasty]

Honeymoons date back to times when nearly everyone got married before they had children.I don't actually think an older baby/young toddler is 'fine' for a week without it's parents.
I think maybe the GPs say the kids have been fine,and indeed by the time the parents return their children have adapted to their GPs being their 'parents'

[bubalou]

Child free time in a relationship / marriage is really important.

Too many people as I have said before once they become parents seem to identify themselves as only that and are no longer a person in their own individual right.

They stop becoming 'Susan' and are just mum. This means they couldn't possibly be allowed any time for just them and their partner now and they like to make everybody else that does leave their children - God forbid for a holiday together feel guilty and that they're not as dedicated parents.

Yes I know a few arseholes like this and no I don't like them.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

How are you meant to get in some rampant shagging with a 17 month old in the same room?

My Dsis and BIL didnt take their kids on honeymoon, why would they, its meant to be time for the newlyweds.

[squoosh]

'I could equally ask why bother getting married if you don't want to spend any 1:1 time with your partner? Both are ridiculous questions.'

Exactly!

[iwantgin]

Some couples meet, have many years together as just the two of them and THEN have the children.

Perhaps those couples are happy to take their children on every trip.

However many couples don't have that luxury.

Me and my DH both have DC from previous relationships. So any childfree time is rare. Hence the ensuring that at least our honey moon was just that.

But I am not saying that even 'normal' couples who have their children years after meeting can't holiday without the children. It's all fine, and whatever works best in your household.

You can guarantee that once the Dc get to 17/18 and want to go off to Malia or wherever that they won't be giving a second thought to leaving mum and dad at home!

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

Because eventually children will grow up and leave home, and I think investing time in my relationship is important.

I could equally ask why bother getting married if you don't want to spend any 1:1 time with your partner? Both are ridiculous questions.

OP, go, have fun. Your DS will have a lovely time with his grandparents. It's not like you're leaving him in the street to fend for himself, he's with family and it's one trip away - think your friends are being ridiculous.

[skinoncustard]

Plarail123

You are a very very brave woman !!!! Hope you have a hard hat

[iwantgin]

Your honeymoon is for you two.

Your DS will be fine.

[NotLoveActually]

We left ds when he was 20 months to go on honeymoon for a week, partly because it was our honeymoon and partly because we were going a cruise to Egypt/Jordan/red sea, and it would have been a nightmare constantly watching him like a hawk on the ship. also we could do any excursions we fancied, pretty much all would have been unsuitable for a toddler. I loved it, we had a great time, but I burst into tears the second I laid eyes on him when we came home. I would still recommend it, you'll have a great time

[Plarail123]

Very at some of these responses. Why have kids if not to spend quality time as a family?

[maninawomansworld]

coffeeandnumbers
I'm glad you enjoy taking your young ones away on exotic holidays with you, I guess some people do but others prefer to holiday without and that too is okay!
DW and I enjoy a holiday from our children now and then to let us spend quality time together without have to referee two fractious, out of routine (but normally lovely) children .
Don't get me wrong, we do take them away in the UK as well as 'our' holiday but if it all goes pear shaped we can be home within a few hours .

We went to Bali last year, wand we actually went to necker island the year before that (dying to return but seriously expensive) and needless to say both were child free. Heavenly bliss Doesnt quite cover it. My wife's favourite was the couples massages with champagne and strawberries on hand, I enjoyed the water sports and just lazing about on your own private beach without a toddler in sight (or earshot). Wouldn't be quite the same with a couple of 2 year olds wanting Bob the sodding builder read to them for the umpteenth time!
The USA and Canada are on the list for this year and maybe Australia towards the end of the year, that too will be child free.

My parents did not take me on a plane until I was about 10 or 11 and I did not feel deprived or hard done by, I went to my grandparents and had a lovely time then we'd go to Cornwall or somewhere in the school hols. I'll take mine away abroad when they are old enough to appreciate it and are independent enough to mean that we don't have to do absolutely everything for the, so can switch off a bit ourselves!

[Letmeeatcakecakecake]

DO IT!

I'm planning on taking my children on holiday this year (will be 6 and more months) but next year the little one (who'll be about 16 months) is getting left with nanny whilst the 6 year old will be with his dad so me and DP can enjoy a -3 day bender- nice trip abroad

[squoosh]

Enjoy it inlectorecumbit, sounds like the three of you will have an ace time!

[inlectorecumbit]

DGD will be 2 when her DM and DF go on honeymoon. I am so excited to get DGD all to myself all week I am planning out activities already. They are going on a once in a lifetime dream holiday and will do lots of non child friendly activities (at least toddler friendly).
DD was a bit unsure about leaving her but it is only for a week and DGD and her gran and papa will have a ball
so excited.
So YADNBU

[LemonYellowSun]

A friend of mine went on honeymoon without her DD who was probably about 18 months. They loved it for a couple of days then missed her incredibly and then got a flight home early!!