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AIBU?

To think it's weird to "copy" someone when you're an adult?

63 replies

MrsTawdry · 25/01/2015 22:02

And to question if copying is even a thing when you're grown up and not just "being inspired"?

Reason I ask...my neighbour...she's late 20s, lone parent with one child...she's very nice generally...friendly, funny, open....but...on a number of occasions she's blatantly copied me....it began when I bought my DD a certain pair of trainers...not designer or expensive...the next day she informed me "I ordered X a pair too..."

I didn't even register this at the time...just thought it was nice that she'd found some she liked.

Next...I bought a new vacuum cleaner...the next day she said "I'm SO jealous." and then ran off and made her Mum buy her the same one.

I say "ran off" because she literally had that air about her...sort of panicked and rushed when she went up the road to ask her.

Next...I bought a new shower curtain...she saw it when she was visiting...and said "I'm going to get the same one...I like that."

Is it odd? I'm sure there are other things but can't recall them. This is all within months of us moving here...we've not been here long.

OP posts:

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MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 26/01/2015 10:59

The going and buying the same hoover is weird. I mean if you already have one that works just find why would you go buy one just cos someone's got the exact same make - weird!

I have copied someone's good idea though. My neighbour had one of those 20 peg holder things for the washing line. I asked her where she got them and got some myself. A brilliant idea and I thanked her for being more intelligent than me.

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NobodyLivesHere · 26/01/2015 11:03

I'm not sure trainers, a hoover and a shower curtain are SWF territory tbh v

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CeartGoLeor · 26/01/2015 11:10

The interior copying one up the thread is weird to me because it suggests that the original house must have been quite 'generic' to be that copiable? The way you could only really copy someone's outfit accurately if said look was this season's from the high street, rather than a mix of stuff the wearer had owned for years, new things, etc.

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biggles50 · 28/01/2015 15:22

I had a "friend" who started copying until it got out of hand. First she would cook the next day what I'd done the previous day. She asked me what we had in the evening then ring me up the next to tell me she cooked it too. She dyed her hair the same colour as mine and had the same style. She converted her religion to mine so that her kids would "be with your kids biggles at school". She became obsessed with me and my extended family even calling my uncle and aunt "uncle and aunt" herself. She tried to arrange days out with my cousins on her own without me causing friction. When my dh called her out in it she made our life hell. She just took over my life and I can't remember the half of it only that because of her we uprooted and moved as far away as possible. She was making me ill. So op nip it in the bud.

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KahloSherman · 28/01/2015 15:26

We know she's single and she's female. Is she white? If so, leave the country NOW.

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lylasmam2012 · 28/01/2015 15:30

My MIL does this all the time. You have to take it as flattery.

The day after my wedding she was looking at my wedding ring and said "oh I didn't know you got diamonds" with sort of a sour puss on her.

When we got back from honeymoon she had a brand new diamond wedding band on her finger, bigger and better than mine.

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lylasmam2012 · 28/01/2015 15:33

Oh and I have been talking for years about getting a very specific tattoo with my daughters name in it (I have 4 already) MIL who has none, announces that she's getting a tattoo of my daughters name, the exact way I'd described it to her 100 times before, acting like she came up with the idea!!

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ThesaurusJones · 28/01/2015 15:41

I totally copied what a friend from antenatal class did for their pfb's 1st birthday. At the time, it just felt like I didn't know what to do and what was appropriate, and it made it easy for me - but looking back I'm that she must have thought I was a single white female! It gave me some insight - some people just don't have confidence in their own decisions so it's easier to just follow someone else.

I do sometimes see something someone else has and really want it - like the perfect kettle just like what I've been looking for, etc. If it's a friend I'll ask them if they mind me getting one too.

But one person on a continuous "copying campaign" of everything you do is unsettling.

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LadyMaryofDownton · 28/01/2015 15:41

I hate this! A few things ok but everything is weird. I have a family member who did this & I mean she copied everything.,I got my hair dyed so did she, same clothes, moved to the same town, got a job in my office, I retrained during the recession to a very niche area so did she, she even copied my FB statues (weird) after I got engaged I had to go NC as she was calling all my Wedding suppliers pretending to be me & confirming prices, dates, venues etc. (she's never had a relationship longer than 6 months)

She's known as the stalker in the family now!!

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mathanxiety · 28/01/2015 17:05

I think it's odd too, and I know two women who are (to me anyway) obvious examples.

One used to live near me and got loads of things I had for my children toys, clothes, books, crafts, dvds. If my younger DDs appeared in something new I could see a look pass across her face. She would get the items within a week of seeing them. Her DD was a very watchful and envious child, no surprise I suppose. They moved followed another neighbour who left to live in a rural town where there is a sort of alternative lifestyle community centered around a particular non-traditional school.

The other had a large family all about two years apart with the youngest about 5, but after another school parent had a baby she got pg, and then when the baby was born gave her a name that when shortened was exactly the very unusual name of another school family's child. It really is a most unusual name. They always use the NN, never the full name. And it doesn't 'go' with their surname or the other children's names at all. I know that is subjective, but think Frederick, Fabian, Ferdinand, Felicity, Fenella, Florence and....Kevin. Except really, really uncommon.

Imo it's not the same as adopting good ideas or swapping tips. In the case of people online or at a playgroup with a new high chair or great recipe or nice makeup that does wonders they might be helpfully spreading the good news about what they have discovered. I am talking about someone taking note and ditching what they already have that works perfectly well or that they were perfectly happy with up to then, and getting something someone else has, when that someone else has not gone around broadcasting the benefits of it.

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MrsTawdry · 28/01/2015 17:09

Math this alternative community...not in Wales is it?

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mathanxiety · 28/01/2015 17:10

No, but remote all the same.

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ThesaurusJones · 29/01/2015 09:29

A friend copied our baby name - but we had a big conversation about it first and thrashed out the details (so that although they would be known by the same shortened version, it would be different names on the birth certificate) and she very genuinely wanted to make sure I didn't mind. When it comes down to it she has a right to call her baby what she wants and she loved that name. I really respected her for fronting it out and talking to me about it and it hasn't been a problem.

I suppose it's the kind of sneaky copying that's more annoying, where whatever you do, you suddenly see they've done the same right afterwards. So it feels like everything you do is being watched and noted.