To think it's weird to "copy" someone when you're an adult?

[MrsTawdry]

And to question if copying is even a thing when you're grown up and not just "being inspired"?

Reason I ask...my neighbour...she's late 20s, lone parent with one child...she's very nice generally...friendly, funny, open....but...on a number of occasions she's blatantly copied me....it began when I bought my DD a certain pair of trainers...not designer or expensive...the next day she informed me "I ordered X a pair too..."

I didn't even register this at the time...just thought it was nice that she'd found some she liked.

Next...I bought a new vacuum cleaner...the next day she said "I'm SO jealous." and then ran off and made her Mum buy her the same one.

I say "ran off" because she literally had that air about her...sort of panicked and rushed when she went up the road to ask her.

Next...I bought a new shower curtain...she saw it when she was visiting...and said "I'm going to get the same one...I like that."

Is it odd? I'm sure there are other things but can't recall them. This is all within months of us moving here...we've not been here long.

[Dunkling]

I have a neighbour just like this. It's not flattering, it's bl**dy annoying.

They moved in a couple of years after us into an almost identical cottage, and I invited her for a cuppa to be neighbourly. I don't anymore!! She mentioned she loved how I had done everything and she would be pinching ideas. Normal enough. But I didn't realise she meant it. Literally.

I saw her cottage with the things they had moved in shortly after. 6 months later, all changed. Sofa where we had it in the family room. Same throw. Desk same place. Dresser same place. Same farmhouse dining table. All painted cottage style, same as us.

We then had a woodburner put in. She did the same with the same fitter the next month. Same fireplace.

Hung a willow heart on the front door window. Same arrived.

My DH didn't believe how bad she was as he hadn't seen inside their house, then the first xmas came along. She hung her outside decs 1st. I then did ours. Hers came down the next day and the following day..... carbon copy. Even down to going out and buying a bay tree so she could copy ours with the same baubles, lights, and big bow ribbon round the trunk. Everything else exactly the same!

Her OH even mentioned to my DH when I bought him a shed, please don't mention it to x, she'll have to have one. A month later DH did mention it to her while chatting on the drive. DH said she actually ran off into her house telling her OH they have to get a shed. As it was a present ours was a very expensive posh one, tiled roof etc. Yup, the exact same one appeared by the same installers a month after ours.

[debbriana]

I forgot one more think. When my little sister got into a different secondary. She moved her daughter to my sisters school. The funny thing is her child was in the best school in the borough. That's how dumb that can be.

[debbriana]

Dunkling - that is even more scary. She will be coming for your husband and holidays too.

[CharityD]

Sounds like she is a bit unsure of herself and her own tastes. Nothing wrong with say, your sister/ neighbour/ friend buying the same Hoover, for example, if they needed one, and you say this one is great and so on. Some people are great at researching gadgets, so you know if they have it, it's provably the best there is.

Shower curtain, not so much. And I'd be freaked by what a previous poster described - basically a copy of their whole house decor.

I'd be slightly tempted to pretend I was buying something to see if the other person did it.

[RumbelowSale]

Jaw drooping stuff here, but admitted to a snigger at the poster upthread who said that she cut contact when the friend started eyeing up her boyfriend...

[iklboo]

My mum does this. When I was 18 she went & had her hair done the same as mine then met me off the bus wearing EXACTLY the same outfit I'd gone out in.

She's bought bread makers, coffee machines, slow cookers straight after I've got one. And never uses them.

This year we've booked a holiday to somwhere we've always wanted to go. She's gone & booked the same place, but a couple of weeks earlier (could be worse, it could be at the same time).

[MaudantWit]

I'm torn between thinking it doesn't matter (buying the same kettle, say) and is deeply bizarre (replicating the interior of someone's home).

When my MIL admired various things of ours (household items, clothing) my SIL rushed off to buy the same for herself. I agree with others that it's about insecurity and lacking confidence to make her own choices.

[Misspickle1]

Dunkling that is very scary stuff. That would give me nightmares. I would have to say something along the lines of "your weird, stop it now you fruitcake".

[Stinkle]

Depends on the lengths I think

I bought a new hoover a couple of years ago, it was brilliant and when a friend bought the same one as I'd been raving about its dog hair removal qualities - not bothered

However, we did have some friends who copied everything we did - clothes (not just the odd thing, entire outfits), hair cuts, home decor, cars, pets, holidays. It all got a bit much when they pinched our wedding date and venue - to be fair we hadn't actually booked it, but they invited themselves along when we went to look at a venue and they knew which date we were looking at (it was a significant date for us). DH and I had gone off for a wander round the gardens on our own for 5 minutes, by the time we'd come back they'd booked it themselves. All our other friends knew we were planning that date so they just looked like massive dickheads

We moved away, so don't have that much contact with them anymore, but not before they came and stayed with us for a weekend and went and looked at houses as they were thinking about moving to the area too

[treaclesoda]

I don't think it's weird to hire the same kitchen fitter / fireplace fitter as someone else. I'd never hire someone to do something like that unless I had seen their work in a friend/neighbours house. But hiring them to fit an exact replica of someone else's kitchen would indeed be weird. Similarly, it's not weird to buy a particular hoover or something if someone has said they are pleased with theirs. But what is definitely weird is seeing you have a new hoover and then rushing out to buy it even if you don't actually need a new hoover.

Slavishly copying decor and clothes is very weird indeed.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Can you just do something revolting like paint your house to look like Mr Blobby (complete with massive eyelashes on the upstairs windows)? and then just be like copy THAT bitch.

OR be really flattered. Less fun option. Sure.

[Dunkling]

DH has suggested coming up with something really outlandish and revolting and dropping it into conversation.... then waiting!

Just remembered, we also painted the front door too, a very particular shade of a certain colour, and theirs was the same within a fortnight. Even my DH was at that one and as it was the weekend was painting ours back white while her DH under her instruction was putting the finishing touches and their paint was still wet. Wonder if she got the hint?

[UterusUterusGhali]

ithought

Dunkling that is really, really creepy.

The odd thing is understandable. If someone whose judgement you trust bought an appliance you might very well buy the same.

[treaclesoda]

Dunkling your neighbour sounds terrifying

[Meemoll]

I think perhaps you should feel flattered and just let her get on with it. If you are that precious about your 'stuff' stop showing it to her. We bought my son the same scooter as his friend recently and this friend's family made such a massive deal about it they clearly had an issue with copying. I thought it was all a bit sad really.

[tomtomthepipersson]

Its very odd, I had a girl at work do this to me, first it was my wore. I am no fashion icon..I can tell you! I was flattered at first. Till she looked more like me then I looked like me! lol It went a bit too strange for me when she wanted to borrow my CD collection and make copies of them all! We later found out that she did it to someone else before me and probably copying someone else now. I think it is because they are a bit lost and don't have the confidence to be who they are.

[Ememem84]

i understand using someone as a "reviewer" maybe i.e. with appliances - we finally caved and bought a dyson as my mum raves about them, we'd used hers and ended up buying the exact same one.

I have also on more than one occasion bought the exact same clothes/shoes as my sister and have worn them on the same day (we live separately so this was pure coincidence).

[Dawndonnaagain]

I knew someone who did this, her children had to have what yours had, no matter what. I too have seen her literally run to the car so that she could get a top for her dd. A tesco's top! It got to the point where we (and other local families) would cut out labels because if we did the 'oh I don't remember where I got it' she would grab the child and check the label. Strange woman. Moved away a few years ago, thank goodness!

[Stinkle]

Oh, we had a front door one too.

We moved into an olde worlde cottage which had one of those open porches which was just a roof and a couple of posts iykwim, and the front door was painted that chalky sagey green colour. Nothing to do with us, we inherited it from the previous owners.

Within weeks they had an identical porch and a sagey green front door.

However, they lived on an estate which was in a conservation area with covenants on the external appearance, and at the time they were strictly enforced. I did laugh a bit when they were made to take it down and paint the front door back to its original colour.

[NorbertDentressangle]

Copying someones interior or exterior decor, clothing etc is very weird. Very single, white female. The stealing the wedding date and venue one is beyond weird .

I don't have an issue with things like recommendations for recipes, tradesmen (providing you're not getting them to fit the same kitchen/build the same porch/hang the same wallpaper as I've got), electrical appliances or whatever because that's just sharing good advice from personal experience.

[Theoretician]

Surely it's normal to be inspired/influenced by what people you know buy?

If someone has the same kind of house as you, and you like the way it's done, surely it makes sense to copy it? I probably wouldn't do it exactly, as I'm bound to have some different preferences, but other people might be less sure that they'd like anything different to what they've actually seen.

I think if anything I'd be flattered if someone copied me.

[JellyBeansHaveNoAgeLimit]

You know what they say "imitation is the highest form of admiration". Maybe its just her way of saying she likes you and wants to be your friend? As long as she doesn't start trying to look exactly like you i wouldn't worry about it.

[sliceofsoup]

I used to attract copiers. Thankfully I don't have anyone in my life like this now, but when I was younger. One friend started wearing her hair like mine then started telling everyone I copied her.

And another friend copied everything from my clothes to what sandwich I ate for lunch. We would order at the deli counter and she would make me go first so she could get the same. A couple of times I ordered then she ordered then I would change my order and she would change hers too. It was so weird.

[Misspickle1]

Oh lordy I had no idea how many copiers were out there! I honestly think its bonkers.
Inspired and influenced yeah maybe and that could be flattering I suppose
But it sounds like there are people literally moulding themselves into other people and climbing inside other peoples lives. Ewwww god no.

[Stinkle]

Being inspired and influenced by something is one thing.

I mean, a friend recommended some shampoo. I tried it, loved it and now use it.

But to completely copy someone?

It doesn't feel flattering to be honest. It's weird