Nine-year-old making her own lunch

[MamaLazarou]

My nine-year-old niece told me that every morning she makes her own - and her 15-yr-old sister's packed lunches every morning before school.

She also regularly turns up for sleepovers (at ours and her father's house) without a hairbrush, warm jumper or enough clean clothes because she packs her own overnight bag.

On one occasion on a weekend away, the 9-yr-old slept in her clothes and hardly washed - her mother either didn't notice or didn't care.

When asked about this, their mother says that they are encouraged to be independent and do things for themselves.
She thinks IABU to think the nine-year-old has too much responsibility for her age.

Go on, Mumsnet - give it to me straight!

Even my 5 year old makes a lot of his own stuff, breakfast or a sandwich etc. he also loves to get involved with making dinner too, by 9 I expect he'll probably be able to cook us a proper meal.

Sorry it sounds like I'm bragging, I'm not, just saying these little people are quite capable of doing quite a lot and if they can do it they should.

Still not sure if there is an actual problem or differences in parenting styles.

Sounds like you and your DB should spend some time with DN showing her how a washing machine works, coming up with a packing and getting ready for the day checklist and also buying things.like soaps and brushes in for when she visits.

If their father (or you) are really concerned about their welfare, he can contact the school, social services or simply refuse to send them back to an unsafe home. He can then give mum a chance to get herself sorted or apply for residency.

Baroness that's what I thought - my very active kids definitely sweat, especially during 90 mins of football training during which they run laps before doing skills training then a match! DS1 never stops moving and got sweaty even as a toddler.

My 9 yo and 7 yo always pack for themselves - 7 yo will forget crucial things and needs checking, 9 yo makes a list herself and ticks things off - if we're going on holiday I check her list (not her case) if she's only going on a sleepover I no longer need to to check

I make their packed lunches for logistical reasons but they make themselves sandwiches at other times - we have talked about them doing their own for school but I'm too lazy to implement it - it's easier to do it myself atm.

Sometimes doing everything for your kidsIis easierand lazier than teaching them to do it properly themselves.

However most kids of 9 need at least reminding to shower, if not escorting to the shower, and having parent sit in the room (why DD ).

The thing is that if she is stinky dirty all the time she probably is neglected - but being in dependant does absolutely not mean she is, so your OP is a bit mixed IMO.

Why on earth does her father not have hairbrush, toothbrush and clean clothes and PJS for her, and send her to bath/ shower every day at his? Going to stay with her own father is not a sleepover and it would be normal for her to have clothes and belongings at her dad's

I think it's great that a nine year-old makes her own lunches. I did from the age of eleven and turned down any offer of help. I have worked with twenty-somethings very recently whose lunch pack-ups (northern England expression ?) were prepared by Mum or Dad ! Hopeless.

OP. I hope all is otherwise good with your niece .