Neighbours and noise - constant complaints from them - got worse - please help

[BendingBentBroke]

I should start by saying we do not want to be in conflict with our neighbours, we have no wish to upset them and would rather an amicable relationship (as we do with all our other neighbours!) but I am beyond wits end now. Over the past year we have had complaints about the noises our children make - including running around the house, laughing and coughing (all in day time), we have had complaints if we try to do any DIY (though we always notify them first and check time it to their liking), we have complaints if we have people round for dinner (though it still not raucous), we have had complaints that our door bell is too loud, our washing machine is on after 7 and our telephone ring is too loud. The thing is we live in an old style, brick built, Victorian type house. Though if you are sitting in silence, you can hear next door faintly, it isn't obvious. When I have gone round to talk to them they have tried to get me to listen to the noise, my children were playing in our house and yes if I stood with ear next to wall, in absolute silence I could hear them very faintly playing -but that was it! Our children go to bed at 7pm, we don't listen to loud music and tend to watch tv quietly - whenever they have been in trouble or needed something i.e. their drive clearing of snow etc we've helped them happily (they are an elderly couple) - but I am getting fed up and don't know how to handle it.

Today they complained to me about vacuuming at 8.30am yesterday (friday). My son had spilt some sugar and I spent about 6 seconds clearing it up. I ended up getting a little cross and firmly (not rudely) told them that they seemed to find fault in so much that we did that I had to just give up and live our lives as we see fit. I would not be impolite to them or disrespectful of them but we would not tolerate any further complaints from them. We are aware that our family is probably loud to compared to their lives, and we are sorry for that but unfortunately that is just what comes from having young children and we should leave it at that. I did not swear, shout or raise my voice. I have just had a text telling me they are going to report us for Anti social behaviour and noise pollution - I am livid. I have no doubt it will result in nothing but it has made me really cross - is there any reasonable way of dealing with this to repair an amicable relationship? I hate having tension between people, but feel we've been so passive they are taking the mick....

I would speak to environmental health and explain that you believe it is just normal living noise and ask their advice, I reckon they will advise that normal living noise is acceptable.

Then text back to say you have taken advice from eh and that you believe noise that they are experiencing is normal living noise and not a statuary nuisance and they are welcome to approach eh themselves if they disagree. Also advise that you feel they are harassing you. (In fact I would welcome eh in this circumstance.

If they go to EH the process is that they will be advised to keep a noise diary ( keep one yourselves of times you are out for example). You would get a formal letter advising you of the complaint - it will be worded quite strongly but don't worry as this is as they have to follow due process so warning that listening equipment may be installed. Etc. just carry on living as normal - normal living noise is allowed - let them install listening equipment as I am sure it would vindicate you and show the neighbours they don't have a valid complaint.

Do they wear hearing aids, and if so could they be set badly? It's clutching at straws, but MIL got hearing aids a few years back and once mentioned to me that the amount of background noise they picked up was taking some getting used to.

RonnieRat. I did say in my post that the OP sounds considerate and that she obviously doesn't have to take any steps to reduce noise.

Neighbour disputes can be awful and can drag on forever. Sometimes it's best to forget who is right and who is wrong and do what you can to get the issue resolved even if you have to 'give in' a little to people who are being unreasonable. Of course you shouldn't have to but sometimes it's in your best interests.

The problem that the OP has is that her neighbours are unreasonable people and unreasonablepeople are hard to deal with. They won't get anywhere with the complaints but it wont stop them making things unpleasant and for the OP.

Good advice from Maddening

I would come back at them with a harassment charge.

Keep a log of everything they do - including them making noise , every time they knock and complain etc.

Arseholes! Need to get a life!

I know you did Jake. Not having a go, honestly.

But why should the OP spend her hard earned money on noise proofing when it's not them who have the problem? Noise insulation could costs hundreds of pounds.

And the neighbours aren't complaining about TV noise or doors - they're complaining about stupid things like the doorbell, vacuum and washing machine.

That's why I'm saying why should she - if anything the neighbours should look at some noise insulation if they can't cope with normal noise from next door.

OP shouldn't be made to feel like a prisoner in her own home, creeping around and worrying about next door when they are being so unreasonable.

I'm massively sensitive to noise to the point of being pretty intolerant and have slept with ear plugs for the past 17 years. I live in an end of terrace. I hear my neighbour's phone, sneezes (he makes an almighty racket!) laughter & the tv at times. I also hear doors slam and furniture moving /DIY/ hoovering. I accept all of these things as part and parcel of not living in a detached house. As long as it isn't selfish noise like blaring music, DIY at 8am on a Sunday morning etc, I think you have to accept that living close to other people means you sometimes end up hearing their movements.

The only time it does bug me is when he slams doors well after 11pm as I get up for work at 6.30 and sometimes he wakes me at midnight. This only happens every couple of weeks though. All of the other noise isn't deliberate and isn't especially troublesome.

As someone said earlier, they don't want to hear minimal noise, they want to hear absolutely nothing. Utterly impossible in a joined Victorian house.

You sound like you have been very nice and reasonable, and that the noise you make is very much normal living noise: there isn't much you can do to reduce it further.

I think Victorian houses can often have better sound proofing than houses from other periods though as the walls are thick. I've lived in 30s semis and could hear the tv and people talking, but I don't hear that now in a Victorian end of terrace. Shouting is about all I hear, despite living next to a teen and toddler.

I agree with Maddening up there ^^

We had similar issues with our old neighbours. We ended up scared to fart in case they came round knocking.

I rang Environmental Health myself in the end for advice and they confirmed that general day to day noise at reasonable times is totally acceptable

They explained the whole process of noise complaints (neighbours keep a noise diary, then have recording equipment installed) to us and that as long as our noise was at the level I claimed, it would be fine

Having spoken to EH I then went and informed the neighbours what I'd done. Never had another complaint again

This reminds me of when I was a student - we lived next to a very elderly lady who increasingly complained about noise (in particular that we were having loads of parties and playing music really loudly)

Although we were students we were all on pretty demanding courses so whilst did occasionally have the odd shindig it wasn't every night as she claimed. Somehow she got hold of our phone number and started phoning repeatedly throughout the night whilst we were asleep and during the day when the house was empty.

In the end the best thing (for us) she did was repeatedly calling the police and we had several visits from them and EH which showed conclusively that there was no case to answer. The last time she called the police about three times in the night was in the summer holidays so it was clearly evident that there was noone there and not party central and that seemed to be a tipping point as her family had to take steps and she went into a residential home due to deteriorating mental health.

It was actually very sad for her but once we got over the shock of the police showing up the first time it was actually to our benefit that she called them.