Neighbours and noise - constant complaints from them - got worse - please help

[BendingBentBroke]

I should start by saying we do not want to be in conflict with our neighbours, we have no wish to upset them and would rather an amicable relationship (as we do with all our other neighbours!) but I am beyond wits end now. Over the past year we have had complaints about the noises our children make - including running around the house, laughing and coughing (all in day time), we have had complaints if we try to do any DIY (though we always notify them first and check time it to their liking), we have complaints if we have people round for dinner (though it still not raucous), we have had complaints that our door bell is too loud, our washing machine is on after 7 and our telephone ring is too loud. The thing is we live in an old style, brick built, Victorian type house. Though if you are sitting in silence, you can hear next door faintly, it isn't obvious. When I have gone round to talk to them they have tried to get me to listen to the noise, my children were playing in our house and yes if I stood with ear next to wall, in absolute silence I could hear them very faintly playing -but that was it! Our children go to bed at 7pm, we don't listen to loud music and tend to watch tv quietly - whenever they have been in trouble or needed something i.e. their drive clearing of snow etc we've helped them happily (they are an elderly couple) - but I am getting fed up and don't know how to handle it.

Today they complained to me about vacuuming at 8.30am yesterday (friday). My son had spilt some sugar and I spent about 6 seconds clearing it up. I ended up getting a little cross and firmly (not rudely) told them that they seemed to find fault in so much that we did that I had to just give up and live our lives as we see fit. I would not be impolite to them or disrespectful of them but we would not tolerate any further complaints from them. We are aware that our family is probably loud to compared to their lives, and we are sorry for that but unfortunately that is just what comes from having young children and we should leave it at that. I did not swear, shout or raise my voice. I have just had a text telling me they are going to report us for Anti social behaviour and noise pollution - I am livid. I have no doubt it will result in nothing but it has made me really cross - is there any reasonable way of dealing with this to repair an amicable relationship? I hate having tension between people, but feel we've been so passive they are taking the mick....

Very good point about the police liaison officer, Fun.

Thanks RonnieRat that is a well worded reply - thank you.
FunMit we do have - I have raised the issue with him before as I am a parish councillor so had a chance to a have a chat with him some months ago - he did offer to pop round to see them but I was hoping it would calm down a bit, so declined - I think it is worth re-asking him.

We were absolutely stunned recently to receive a letter from the council saying a noise complaint had been made by next door. The very nice man from the council said the neighbours had kept a noise diary for 6 weeks detailing every single noise, all of which were during the day, because the husband next door was working nights but didn't bother mentioning it to us so that we could maybe work round his hours. Dp had been at home for a few weeks between jobs (house is usually empty during the day) so had been doing painting, laying new flags in the yard, putting fitted wardrobes in. All between 9 and 3!

Council man not only wrote back to them with a copy of the noise guidelines to say that we were doing absolutely nothing that should warrant a complaint, but also went round to visit them and explain to them that as all the noise he detailed was during day time there was no cause for complaint.

The people from the council who deal with these complaints are well used to dealing with the 'serial complainers', you have nothing to worry about. When I was single I lived next door to a family with 3young boys. Lots of noise through the wall but as my mother said when I was moaning about it - a family with young kids are not likely to be hosting all night parties!

And truly, without being disrespectful, maybe if they've done an equity release on their house they may not be there for long if they have plans to move into a residential home?

Don't stress too much but do not be bullied. Be proactive and tell them in no uncertain terms that you will not put up with their harassment.

Just seen you are a parish councillor - so be very careful not to appear to be abusing your position (I'm not saying you would, I am sure you wouldn't do anything of the sort).

But do not let them bully you. And be happy in the knowledge that they may not be living there themselves long term.

It is good they text as you have a written record of them harassing you. I'd suggest telling one of them, with no witnesses, that if the harassment does not stop you will have them prosecuted. Show strength and remember the old adage "an Englishman's home is his castle" and so enjoy your home and do not let neighbours ruin it for you.
If your washing machine does not disturb you then put on a wash each night just before you go to bed, totally legal and it does help spread the load on the electric system.
No-oe has a right to stop you enjoying family life in your own home.

Agree RonnieRat - that was one of my concerns about the PCSO talking to them - I spoke to him in the hope of advice about how to manage it myself. He does pop in on them every now and them and they don't seem to have ever raised a complaint to him - only to us.

We love where we live and love most our neighbours - just tired of unnecessary conflict and feeling tense every time my children run around or laugh.

He does pop in on them every now and them and they don't seem to have ever raised a complaint to him - only to us.

That's very telling.

I imagine if you are very firm, and make it clear you know they have no genuine reason to complain and suggest what they are doing is harassment, that may be enough to put them in their place.

This imagined conflict might be the only thing going on in their life - sad really. Just pity them, but be firm.

How about you complain about their harassment of you ? To the council ? The police ? Age Concern ? Their doctor ?

I've had noisy neighbours and it is horrible. They were young kids i.e. early twenties. The noise was them stomping up and down the stairs after 11 pm, slamming doors, talking at the top of their voices. Or playing 'shoot em up' computer games until 4am then 'silly telly' blaring from 6.30am.

We complained but nothing was really done. The problem solved itself when they moved out, yay !

So, all the normal family 'noise' really should not be an issue.

I understand noise can trigger an anxiety response. It does in me if someone in an open plan workplace has the radio on. Or I can hear someone's dog barking incessantly.

However, for you to be so stressed by their continual complaints seems to give them the upper hand somehow.

They are not being reasonable.

How awful. Your house sounds like ours and from the same period. I live next to a family with a teen, primary aged kid and a toddler. I'm sure they make a normal amount of noise, but I only hear the very loudest of noise like the mum shouting occasionally (I'm sure she hears the same from me!) and the toddler screaming. It's not a problem and I wouldn't have a clue what times they are using their washing machine, door bell, phone, or when they are lauging or coughing! It must be awful feeling like you can't make any noise during the day. I agree that saying you agree that the council needs to be involved might be the way forward now, so they can't threaten you with it any more.

I wouldn't reply and would continue to be careful not to make to much noise. I wouldn't worry about it too much though iyswim. You sound considerate.

Are there any other things you could easily do to reduce noise even further - obviously you don't need to but if you can avoid any nieghbour disputes it might be better to sort out things that are easy to do, eg Soft closers on doors or TVs/speakers NOT mounted on party walls.

Also, if you want to stay in the house and be able to relax you might want to consider noise insulation. It's not that expensive depending on the house. You could see if it's a possibility. There is a lot of advice online.

Btw, if you do choose to reply to the text and they respond, then I think you'll still need to take it up with environmental health, purely based on the fact you're a parish councillor.

I know the parish doesn't provide env health services, but because of your position I think it would be best to make the district/town council aware of what's happening.

I would reply to any threats with 'you must do what you think is right' Repeat as necessary.

Jakeshit - sorry but why should they?

The OP makes it clear that the neighbours are complaining about ridiculous things such as vacuuming at 8.30am for a short period and the noise of their doorbell and telephone!

Tell them to fuck off and move to a detached house if it bothers them so much.

They're being utterly ridiculous, and pointless.

I do get where jake is coming from on trying to keep things amicable but do feel we re beyond that now. We got carpets to try and help them, which was a great expense, and swapped out bedroom with one of our sons, so they are furthest away from the adjoining walls. I do feel we have gone above and beyond I suppose.

I can hear my neighbours telly sometimes or music, their baby crying and dog barking. I ignore it because the telly is never that loud or on late at night, the dog is controlled well enough and babies cry, so its just part of living with adjoining neighbours.

It sounds like they dont have much each going on in their lives, sad but probably true.

We had the same with our neighbours. Normal day to day noise. They moved eventually. Neighbours before them and current neighbours had/have no issues with the noise we don't make.

Ex neighbour got a police caution in the end due to the harassment he subjected us to.

You sound more than reasonable. They are awful! We live in Victorian terrace and have 5 students on one side of us, have done for years. Yes, occasionally they are a little bit noisy but we very rarely have to say anything. We realise that in our house it's going to be very quiet because there are only 2 of us here for most of the week. Agree with the advice you've been given. I have a friend in a similar situation. She tried to be conciliatory for 2 years and then just ignored them.

We live in a Victorian stone built terrace. Our neighbours are so noisy, 2 kids and I think we've lived through every sleepless night with them.

The toddlers latest is to throw a tantrum and then scream at the top of his lungs whilst banging something loudly against the dividing wall.

I would never dream of complaining and when dh is on nights he simply sleeps in dd's room if it's too noisy. Living in this age of house you have to accept that you hear your neighbours. I'm sure that they hear us at times too, I employ the same thought I did when dd was that age 'this too shall pass' And feel infinite empathy for what is obviously a difficult time for them.

To be honest the very religious family on the other side annoy me more. We get hymns played loudly on the piano at all hours and then every Sunday without fail she loses something before going to church 'where are my fucking shoes' was the delightful refrain which echoed through the kitchen last Sunday. Luckily dd already knows that that is a very naughty word that shouldn't be used due to my potty driving mouth

I'd tell them to go ahead and report you, you're doing nothing wrong.

I would relax as your noise sounds normal

They sound really neurotic

Can you turn the tables and accuse them or harassment ?

I think personally I would start to ignore them op. Don't engage but do keep a diary

Some times you need to accept you will never be friends

My sympathies, OP: we had a similar situation a few years back (the old witch used to bang on the wall as I was singing my baby to sleep). Eventually, she moved to a detached bungalow in a remote part of wales!

I know it's stressful, but I would advise that you keep on as you are, being considerate but not actively trying to be quiet. If they make a complaint, they will be told that they don't have grounds as you are just making everyday noise. Maybe. When their complaint is not resolved they will move.

You sound like lovely neighbours, by the way. Good luck!

Thanks, I don't want to drip feed but we've been here 6 years and were friends when started and problems just increasingly esculated. But we were for example clearing their drive of snow less than 2 weeks ago so they didn't slip!! And they were gushingly grateful, I just don't get the animosity to non existent issues. :-(

Look lets be honest in their minds you don't have an amicable relationship so stop trying to have one.

any attempts in their mind seem to be being seen as attempts to placate them and dissuade them from their quite reasonable (in their minds)course of action. That's why they seem so grateful. they want you crawling on your bellies like worms for forgiveness. Then they'll go inside and bitch about how disgraceful it is you have the nerve to show your faces at all after all you've done.

They have labelled you as the ASBO family be very wary of any interaction with them as they may well turn around and claim you have been intimidating them and they are going to such extreme lengths in reporting you because they are scared and old and didn't know what else to do. In their mind by not reporting you so far they have been doing you a favour and you haven't proven yourselves grateful enough.

Bending if you started out really friendly and as they've got older and more infoirm they've started to find fault, I wonder if it's to try and balance out the obligation they feel to you. So the telling you you are too noisey, in their minds, means they don't have to repay you in kind for clearing the driveway of snow. Might that be a possibility? In which case understanding that and taking a smile and nod approach (or rather a concerned look and text book apology) would probably be the way to go.