DC, 19, A levels - won't get a job - has never thought he could/should combine study and work, even a few hours a week.
And a few hours a week even would make such a difference. We pay a gym sub (that has to stop); protein powders; extra food as he won't often eat what's in the kitchen (which, btw, is wholesome and varied - not many would complain). Tutors twice a week as he fell behind in his studies. He's doing OK - easily, easily time to work a few hours a week and make a reasonable contribution to his particular costs.
DH's job insecure. I work full time and, to make ends meet, have a couple of part time jobs. I'm exhausted. I've talked to DS - many times - and got no-where.
Something has crossed my mind - as DS won't listen - and DH is reluctant to insist that DS at least looks for work (and of course we'd help with that - in fact have done but he's not taken the next steps) and, in the meantime, to cut back on his gym etc. And that's go get someone to write to DS and maybe DH, too - in my most tired moments, and when I'm worried sick (which is quite often) about finances (they are severely stretched and incomes are modest) - I think that paying some solicitor or similar to spell it out. That his mum/DH's wife can't go on like this. Drastic, probably a daft idea, but might serve its purpose? I have no close family who could intervene.
AIBU?
To think of asking a solicitor to write to DS & DH on my behalf?
Morven11 · 24/01/2015 18:58
Keep strong OP. It will get easier as you get used to doing it.
I have a stock phrase which I trot out to my daughters if they make requests for things which I either deem unnecessary or cannot afford. The answer is "Yes, that is absolutely fine ............. IF you can pay for it yourself".
Oddly enough, it seems to mean that whatever it was very often becomes a much less attractive proposition. I wonder why that might be?? 
Indulging our adult "children" for too long really does them no favours. When my MIL was alive she regularly always bailed out and indulged my BIL, paid his rent when he had blown his Housing Benefit on crap etc. She died last year. He was in his forties and very much a man child. Hopeless with money, into fare dodging on trains (and got caught a few times too), failing to pay bills, accruing fines left, right and centre. She was a fairly wealthy pensioner, or should have been, but with trying to support him, it bled her dry. He has no clue of the value of money, and it truly burns a hole in his pocket. He has suffered the worst since she died because neither of them had ever planned for when she wasn't there, and he was totally reliant on her. He had no clue how to get on, and I guess he still doesn't.
I am not saying for a moment that your son is anything like my BIL (who is admittedly a very extreme case for reasons I won't go into here), but it is just to make the point that you would be doing him a much bigger favour by making him learn that "money doesn't grow on trees".
Cancel the gym membership. Don't buy the ridiculous protein shakes either. Expensive, artificial rubbish in my opinion. How can it be healthier to exist on something like that than on a balanced, home cooked meal??
Hope you managed to steer clear of his essay btw. 
You're right Damson 
if this thread had been about her DP people would be saying LTB but when it's a child we all naturally balk.
OP, I knew somebody who hated his mother for enabling him, because unless he is stupid your DS knows you are enabling him and he will not thank you for it. This woman used to go to Tesco with her grown up son to pay for his weekly shop (trolley full of luxury foods and booze) and you'd think he would be grateful but he wasn't. He hated her and blamed her for the feckless life he lived. He dropped out of college and blamed his mother for that too, because she said 'that's ok if you don't want to finish college'
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