To Feel Sad after Visit To City?

[Hatespiders]

I expect IABU, but today was lovely and sunny so we went into Norwich for a bit of a jaunt. But there were so many sad sights I got very depressed. A poor chap was selling the Big Issue and he looked frozen and miserable. Gave him £1. A possibly Romanian man was sculpting a dog out of sand, looked hungry and miserable, gave him £1 too. Then some lovely youngsters were campaigning outside M&S about them chucking food away when charities could use it. Had a nice chat with them about meals for the homeless (connected to our local foodbank, so was interested) A solitary old man carrying a wooden cross was singing a hymn, He didn't want money, just to proclaim his religion. Felt sorry for him too, and talked for a bit and said 'Bless you'. The famous Puppet Man was there (has been for 30yrs to my knowledge) begging. Gave him £1 and had a quick chat. Gave him a kiss too (he knows me of old) Sat in a small cafe and there was a respectable but sad-looking lady sitting all alone. Had a chat with her and she cheered up a bit. Dh gave £1 to a Cats Charity lady (sad pics of abandoned cats). Young lad singing (badly) and playing a guitar, being totally ignored. Gave him...yes you've guessed. It went on like this until I had a lump in my throat and felt like sobbing. All these sad, lonely, poor or troubled people and everyone walking past as if they were invisible.
I realise of course that the odd pathetic quid does no good. But we can't do more, we haven't much to spare. And having a quick chat doesn't help either.
It's just I seem to see loneliness and despair in people's eyes and it upsets me terribly, especially when no-one seems to care.
Maybe I was in a low mood (don't think so though, as I'm usually quite chirpy!) but AIBU?

You sound lovely ??but I get where you're coming from I live in the country and we are so sheltered from despair, it is more hidden but the people seeking help seem to go to areas with more people perhaps with disposable income.

It's horrible though thinking is this humanity in a supposedly Rich country. These people are reaching out and they will be glad you reached out to them too!

YANBU there's a lot of sadness and loneliness in the world and it can be overwhelming.
However, it sounds like you've touched a lot of lives today, even small gestures can make a big difference to people. People like you can do a lot to balance out the sadness even without realising

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable! Sadness is all around us, all the time, but I think some days we are more sensitive and attuned to it. Obviously you can't help but feel affected by what you have seen, but you seem to have done as much as you could to reach out to these people. You say that a quid or a quick chat doesn't help, but I think it really does - it is some human contact, a kind gesture, showing that you care. I'm sure that you made many people feel much happier today, and you should be proud of that.

Thank you Fred. We live in the countryside too, a tiny village in the sticks.
I suppose sadly that all cities are like this. It's got so I dread going up to Norwich now. My dh is the same about the sad people, but he so loves the shops and cafes and the market, I don't want to curtail his pleasure.

I think what upset me as well was the fact that others walked by laughing and chatting and didn't even care. It must be dreadful to be needy and see hundreds passing like that, as if you're not worth bothering about.
I've no idea what could be done though, as many in today's society can be a bit selfish and self-centred. And you can't expect a city to be like a small village.
I seem to see more now I'm quite old. And it upsets me more as well.

I volunteer at the CAB and that can be really grim, but the CAB does help more than giving people £1 and feeling sad.

Do you have time to do some volunteering for a local charity?

I wonder whether one notices these things more when one is older, as when you are younger you are more self-centred and immersed in your own life and troubles. Sorry, can't explain it very well, but I think people do become more caring as they get older (not always true, many young people are very caring, many old people v selfish, but in general). Also I would say that as long as there have been cities there have been poor, lonely and desperate people being ignored by prosperous bypassers. Its to do with the break down of communities, sadly nothing new.

I can never decide what is best. I remember after my graduation party going out totally pissed to get some fresh air and giving a £20 note to a Big Issue seller and saying "keep the change". She stopped me and made sure I was serious. I can still not decide if it is better to give a lot to one person or spread the little I can afford amongst many.

I love the city as it's so vibrant and busy to my usual life of the quietness of the countryside. I do agree with you Hatespiders, there is a lot of poverty and sadness around and I seem to notice it in the city more than when I'm at home. I know almost everyone in our local village and if someone is struggling everyone rallies round to help. I always feel I lose my identity almost in the city and I'm just one in a sea of passing faces yet, at home in the village everyone knows me.

hatespiders
Just remember that although it looks like everyone is being ignored, it's not really the case. You caught a small snapshot. My dds go into the same city, fairly regularly, they always give the big issue seller by Royal Arcade some money, and the chap that sits with his dog near Castle Mall. It's not quite as bleak as it initially looks, my dds are 18, there are many their age that give.

You sound like a decent person. The chat and a few bob could be more significant that you think to those involved.

It sometimes seems our humanity has taken a backseat in society. People can be quite hardened and uncharitable towards others. We sometimes don't even have the humility to appreciate that sometimes what stands between us and ending up in bad situations is we are fortunate enough to have support network of family and friends. Everyone does not have this.

You have effected some people positively today and there are others like you out there doing the same.

I think you are being unreasonable to judge all the people you consider were walking by and didn't care! You have no idea if those people do things to help others. That and what goodarvo said.

This is all very heartening, to think that many others interact and give as well. And I agree I only saw a snapshot as we passed.
Dawn how excellent that your dds have seen those two (I know just who you mean!) and feel moved to help.
I got home and had 2 crumpets with butter and a nice cup of tea. Dh went down to watch his village footie team play (and they won 3-0!) so we're both feeling more cheerful now.
I have done quite a bit of voluntary work in the past, Prison Visiting, hospital trolley and WRVS shop, I was even a Tawny Owl! But I have a heart problem now and I'm not too strong, so don't want to risk taking on anything I can't commit to.
Thank you for your replies!
Bought Wolf Hall to read, so will get stuck into that this evening

I think what upset me as well was the fact that others walked by laughing and chatting and didn't even care.

How the hell do you know that?

It's nice that you did your thing today, but perhaps the people walking by, walk through the city every single day, so what do you suggest they do?

I do understand where you're coming from, OP. The problem is, when you live in a city and walk past it every day, you do end up just ignoring it because you can't stop and acknowledge every single person.

For example - walking from the bus stop to work and back again, I'll generally pass 3 or 4 people giving out magazines or selling the Big Issue or begging. If I stopped and gave them all money I'd have nothing left!

Also... I think there's different perspectives to be had on what to care about. The religious folk who walk around with boards preaching and yelling do my head in (partly because one came up to me as a teenager to tell me I was going to hell... Nice ). Likewise buskers; I'm just not bothered. Homeless people etc I do feel bad for, but like I say, I don't have the ability to help everyone. And it's hard not to be cynical about fakes when there's a guy I see begging a lot who also gets on my bus and gets off at a block of flats...

It's tough isn't it because it's like we almost feel guilty for having a comfortable life and looking at those in need is too overwhelming. I would be a person who would give. I live in a village and once a man who couldn't speak English asked me how he would get to so and so place, I felt so compelled to give him a tenner and gave home that, he was so grateful and the happiness at helping him has stuck with me!

However, the drunk in town who always always asks for 20p sometimes if it is a bad day for me I lose patience with him.

Then I think it's all about ME and how I feel and absolutely nothing to do with anyone else

I always feel guilty about a polite, non-pushy Big Issue seller in the town nearest where I live. I don't want to buy the BI but, for weeks, I intended to make a sandwich for him and give it whenever I go into town ( new sandwich each time; not one made and kept for weeks ). I kept forgetting so went into M&S once and bought a sandwich for which he was very grateful especially when he saw that it was from M&S. Now I remember and he gets a home made sandwich or a piece of fruit every time I go. I feel better because I no longer forget.

I think there is an amount of guilt about our comfortable lives tbh. I've seen such horrors in Africa and suffering of any sort saddens me a lot now.
And on a very cold day, we were going home to a nice warm, cosy house, whereas others may not be so lucky.
I'm always conscious of how fortunate dh and I are in life.

Me too hate spiders ??I have 4 children to feed but still feel sick every time I get in from the supermarkets

I get sad walking through cities too. But I really dislike the hustle and bustle of them. Much prefer the countryside

If everyone helped each other the world would be a different place. Problems exist and what we do to eliminate or eliviate them can go two ways, either:
A) we feel sad at an overwhelming number of problems and get down about the state of the world
or
B) We what we can and feel that we've made a difference, no matter how small.

What if you inspired someone here, or someone on the street to do something kind for someone else, and that action inspired others and so on. What if your actions prevent a suicide or a violent anger outburst. Every action has a reaction and those can literally go on and on and on. You just never know.
You did B. So let go of A

It is sad and i think you did a good thing by giving a bit of money and a chat. People in desperate situations must feel invisible. I don't think we should shelter ourselves from sadness and poverty by staying in our villages. It's so easy to think of these people as other. If you're not able to volunteer perhaps give to a local homeless charity? And don't stop going to Norwich. These people will still be there even if you don't make yourself a bit sad by seeing them.

I do buy the Big Issue when I'm in the UK, but it is an awful magazine! I really wish the sellers could sell OK, or some other crap that people love to read.

Your words are wise, tomandizzymum :)I worry too much about A even though I do B