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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to do a teaching qualification, H not happy!?

35 replies

midlifemalaise · 24/01/2015 12:43

My H is not happy that I have returned to education (as well as working) to get a teaching qualification. It's what I've always wanted to do, I gave up my career in fashion industry to bring up and home ed my 2 dds. When both dds entered full time education, now 15 and 11, I decided returning to my old job was logistically not an option. So, I did volunteer work in a school, which he wasn't happy about because I wasn't being paid. I then decided to start my teacher training with a PTLLS qualification and was then lucky enough, as a result, to get a technician position in a college fashion dept.
A year later I got an opportunity to actually teach and do teacher training at same time, a dream come true. I'm earning and learning and loving it!
But.... H not happy, doesn't understand why i want to do this, gets angry if i want to spend my Saturday studying instead of keeping him entertained!!
He makes me feel guilty and keeps stressing how, 'all i do is study!'
"I have to go out to work!"

Might add i contribute plenty to household, never spend money on myself, we have no mortgage and he has about 15k stashed away, so money isn't the issue.

Just having a rant really, can anyone see his point of view? Am I wrong to be upset? Confused

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 24/01/2015 12:48

Does he have any redeeming qualities?

Original poster
midlifemalaise · 24/01/2015 12:51

He helps round the house, (doesn't work full-time as freelance) cooks sometimes, ironing etc. I guess that's good?

OP posts:
IsabellaofFrance · 24/01/2015 12:51

He sounds jealous - either that you are enjoying your life or that he isn't your first priority any more.

Leeds2 · 24/01/2015 12:53

I don't get his point of view at all. Unless he is saying he doesn't spend enough time with you at the weekends? In which case, I think it would depend on whether he wanted to go out with you and do fun things, whether he wanted you do watch him doing nothing, or whether he wanted you to be doing his share of the housework, iyswim.

MissMogwi · 24/01/2015 12:55

YANBU I don't think I could put up with it.

What is his problem with it? Sounds like you enjoy your studies and have a fulfilling career. Surely he should be glad that you are happy.

WalkJumpClimb34 · 24/01/2015 12:56

Don't get me wrong, I think he sounds a pain, but how much time are you able to spend together as a couple? And how long will the studying go on for?

I think it is fantastic that you are able to fulfill your dreams and on the face of it he sounds like a petulant child. However, he may be missing your company and expressing that upset in a shit way!

ilovesooty · 24/01/2015 12:56

He sounds like a complete twat and a whiney one at that.

I don't think I'd want to be with someone who cared so little about supporting my aspirations.

Squitten · 24/01/2015 12:59

He sounds charming.

I'm a SAHM (2 kids in school, 14mth old baby). I've been studying for an OU degree for 6 years now - started when my eldest was a baby. I have to spend a lot of time studying and a lot of weekends writing essays. My DH is fully supportive and takes the kids out so I can have quiet etc. We find it arduous sometimes but it's treated as my "job". To be earning on top of that would be ideal!

He sounds very jealous of not having all your attention. Very immature and unattractive. He should be supporting your career development if he's at all interested in your happiness. Sounds far too selfish for that though.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/01/2015 13:01

he has about 15k stashed away don't you mean you both have this amount stashed or does he consider it his money.

He sounds like a selfish twat.

Do your thing and don't let him bully you into changing what you;re doing.

diddl · 24/01/2015 13:01

How old is he that he needs you to keep him entertained??

Or does he mean wait on him as opposed to scintillating conversation?

If he's not happy in his work, what can he do?

I'm thinking that you study as there is nothing arranged, rather than cancel/refuse to do stuff?

WooWooOwl · 24/01/2015 13:02

Do you have any quality time to yourselves as a couple?

I can understand him being upset if you are now getting so little time together that your relationship is suffering. But if you do get that and he just doesn't want you to do something you enjoy, then of course he's completely wrong.

Yours rent really clear in your post what it is he has a problem with, so I think it's incredibly unfair for other posters to criticise your DH on the strength of your OP. If a woman were on here saying that her DH wanted to spend nearly all his time at home doing something that excluded the rest of the family, or doing a hobby elsewhere, he'd understandably be called selfish.

googoodolly · 24/01/2015 13:03

Is he awkwardly trying to say that he wants to spend more time with you? Did he maybe think that when the girls got older he'd be more of a priority again?

If not, he's BVU.

Nolim · 24/01/2015 13:03

It is not your responsability to entertain him. If you are contributing to the family and being happy and a good role model what is his problem???

Finola1step · 24/01/2015 13:04

If you are enjoying the course, continue. The qualification will give you a level of financial independence in the long term. Perhaps it is this that worries your dh?

ilovesooty · 24/01/2015 13:13

If the OP wants to develop her learning I think he should be supporting that. I'd say the same if the genders were reversed.

Hallamoo · 24/01/2015 13:20

You'll probably find that once qualified, if you work full time, you'll probably spend most of your weekends either marking or planning, so this is likely to be your work pattern long term.

He'll either have to like it or lump it.

Is he concerned that you're being taken advantage of? I.e. Working many more hours than you're paid for?

skylark2 · 24/01/2015 13:24

Is he jealous - you get to study while he doesn't, even though he'd like to, because he has to fund the family? Studying as an adult is a luxury. If he wants to do some too, you're going to have to take that into consideration.

I think you need to ask him what the problem is. Like someone else said, if you become a teacher, you are going to be bringing work home and doing it at weekends as a permanent thing.

BoneyBackJefferson · 24/01/2015 13:38

have you discussed any of this with him or have you just announced it?

TooHasty · 24/01/2015 13:56

I think really people ought to discuss major decisions with their partner before making them.Being too busy to spend quality time together as a couple is a pretty big deal!

Original poster
midlifemalaise · 24/01/2015 13:57

I have discussed this til I'm blue in the face, even had a friend who is a teacher trainer try and explain to him. I've asked him how he feels, what he wants me to do instead? He just shrugs and sulks in the bedroom.

Yes he does think I'm being taken advantage of, but I'm happy to do that because it's a means to an end.

He goes to pottery classes once a week, plays golf most weekends, sometimes goes on golf/pottery weekends away, we get PLENTY of time together because he doesn't work full time.
He is very insecure, aged 45. Throws a tantrum and sulks if i wont have sex regularly, although doesn't understand being constantly pawed at isn't a turn on!!

Jealous, yes I think you're right.

Didn't realise just how pissed off with him I was actually!!

I keep pointing out that I will be financially independent in 2 years and (hopefully) will be earning a good salary.

I'm hoping I can escape then!!

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifemalaise · 24/01/2015 13:59

Will be teaching adult education, so work load won;t be huge when I qualify, the hard work is now, getting my head round schemes of work, lesson planning and writing assignments.

OP posts:
diddl · 24/01/2015 14:06

"I keep pointing out that I will be financially independent in 2 years and (hopefully) will be earning a good salary.

I'm hoping I can escape then!!"

So you're planning to leave?

If so, does he know?

Aeroflotgirl · 24/01/2015 14:06

Op sorry this would be a dealbreaker and a big red flag, he sounds utterly controlling and jealous. Don't give up your dreams, but give him up if he continues this behaviour.

APlaceInTheWinter · 24/01/2015 14:08

Gosh! Well if you're hoping this leads to financial independence so you can escape then that's why he's unhappy because he can see he's losing control and you're forging a new life. That doesn't mean you need to change your plans or need to stay but it does mean he's probably going to continue to give you grief in the hope of wearing you down.

You're so lucky to have found something that you're passionate about. Don't let him spoil it.

pinkyredrose · 24/01/2015 14:10

he has about 15k stashed away can you explain this?