To be absolutely fuming with my Ex?

[HealthyChanges]

EX has contact with DS every Saturday for the whole day.

He has been ignoring me at pick up and drop off for a few months and today his DM was with him and there was another woman sitting in the car.

He knocked on the door, I handed DS over and his DM starts a conversation about how excited DS is to see my EX and his GF (first I have ever heard about it). I said that I didn't know that EX had a partner and his DM said 'it's not something you talk about with previous partners'.

I admit I said a little too sharply 'If he had any respect for me as a parent he wouldn't have introduced a random person into my DS' life without letting me know'.

(EX was getting DS into the car at this point so wasn't in the conversation) His DM said that his personal life isn't any of my business and walked away.

I am fuming I am shaking with anger that he has introduced someone to DS behind my back, I feel like he has completely disrespected me as a parent and has been very sneaky by not saying anything at pick up/drop off.

AIBU to feel this enraged?

FWIW I do not have any feelings for this man and it is purely anger to due DS being introduced to a woman I had no idea about.

His DM has never liked me so her comments were expected, the fact that EX had introduced someone to DS was not.

That's fine.

I am happy to agree to disagree with you

I am reminded of a client of mine who knew her ex was seeing someone and that her DD liked him but was less than pleased when she told her that she was going to be a bridesmaid at the wedding (full C of E job, not just a blessing, cleric who would do it). Ex had timed it for "his" Saturday and the other bridesmaids included his sister's DD; his sister, with whom the client had no issues, would be bringing her home. The client asked if she could stop it and I told her she couldn't. I acted more sympathetic than I felt, which was not sympathetic at all.

Me too Goldmandra

YABU.
I've been in your shoes and I've also been in the shoes of your ex's girlfriend.
What your ex does during his time with your joint child isn't any of your business.
I've never discussed my relationship with my ex and he's never discussed his with me. I don't care and he doesn't care what I do.
As long as our son is safe and happy then that's all that matters.

Unless you have reason to think this woman could be harming your child then just keep your nose out of it.

I've had years and years of DH's ex butting her nose in to mine and DH's lives, and trust me, the people to suffer the most because of it is the children.

At least he saw her for the first time actually clothed!

The first time i met dhs children was when they were dropped off 4 hours too early and the front door wasnt locked.

In the came bursting into the flat, straight into the bedroom to find me in their fathers bed!

They never knew i existed until that point...

I introduced my now DH to my son 12 months after we met. I pre-warned the ex that they'd be meeting purely out of courtesy in case DS ever mentioned DH. Ex didn't pre-warn me; DS would return home talking about women he'd been introduced to, and it used to boil my piss that he hadn't taken the time to mention it to me.

However, 8 years later, it appears to have done no harm to DS, who doesn't remember a single one of the women. The only thing that's improved our relationship has been time.

YABU, he is your child's father. I wonder if you'd feel this miffed if he'd introduced your son to just a friend? Its not as if the woman in the car will be trying to replace you.