To ask what people mean about 'cuddling' babies?

[mummyrunnerbean]

After an afternoon with MIL commenting on this I'm beginning to get slightly concerned, undoubtedly in a sleep-deprived, pfb kind of way:

Is it normal for babies not to let you cuddle them? As in, 6 month DS has never put up with being cuddled for more than a few seconds except when asleep, or feeding. And even when feeding he constantly kicks off whatever we're sitting on, 'talks', turns his head, and smacks me on the boob. He always has.

Otherwise when being held he just bicycles his legs, flails his arms, tries to climb whoever's got him, etc etc, and again always has. He just can't be still for a minute. The only way to get him to sleep is either to feed him in a dark room with white noise (keeping arms and legs firmly pinned down) or to imprison him in his sling with a jacket zipped over his legs and go for a very brisk walk, again with white noise.

DP has ADHD and MIL is driving me round the bend saying DS 'obviously' does too. I realise it's far too early to tell but am beginning to wonder if something isn't right. He's just never happy unless he can move about. I've been kind of hoping that when he can move himself he'll chill out a bit, but when I read about people actually cuddling their babies on here I am and slightly jealous...

Please tell me I'm being crazy and he's perfectly normal if slightly over-energetic?

Sorry, should I have used "one" instead of "your"? . I know you're not the OP, but thanks for taking the time to clarify that, as it's clearly a terribly important thing to clear up.

I'm sorry, you seemed to be directing your comment at me by starting the paragraph with my name and then saying 'your', immediately afterwards . Easy mistake to make.
I'm out. Some people delight in making other people feel shit, it seems.

Sorry for the derail OP. Please don't worry. If you don't have any other concerns about your DS then please ignore your MIL.

DD was the same :) She's 6 now and there's never even been a whisper of any concerns about her. She still can't stay still though. She likes to be on the move and into everything. I know she's poorly when she finally gives in and voluntarily rests. DS was a very cuddly baby so completely different. He's 4 and still much more content to just chill than DD. My DM said that my DSis and I were both like DD and we're both fine. Please don't worry about it, children are all different.

My first was like this as a baby, now though at 2.5 years he's a lot more cuddly, although still quite high needs at times. He used to do all the things yours does. He would only feed in absolute silence, hated being held etc. He has no SNs, it was just the way he was, just his personality. As he got older he slowly became a lot easier.

Yes, that was what my posts were about. Saying that it would be best to seek professional advice and avoid looking for reassurance online were because I "delight in making other people feel shit", while saying that the OP would be laughed out of the surgery for going with her concerns was... the opposite to that.

And I directed my post to you because you said you had no concerns about your baby before this thread, but now you did.. and I was using that to illustrate how sometimes online reassurance seeking can have unintended negative consequences and it would best for OP not to worry herself. As I just love making people feel horrible.

I had a lovely vision of ds cuddling me before he was born - almost never happened. His one idea was, once mobile, to arch off my knee and get going.

Now that your MIL has put the idea into your head, go and talk to your HV and let them reassure you (which they will).

GotToBeInItToWinIt I'm sorry you are now worried about your child.

But this is a forum and people will share their experiences. To be honest most people on this thread have advised along the lines of 'All babies are different, it could be a sign, it could just as easily not be one'. Which, beyond sharing what we personally have experienced, is really the only response non professionally trained people without an assessment can do.

I have seen no fear mongering answers.

Apologies sliced, ive had a really really awful day and can see I overreacted to some of the responses.

GotToBeInItToWinIt

It happens to all of us. Especially if we are already stressed and something extra comes along to worry us (especially if it involves dc!)

Ds 2 was very un cuddly and would only sleep when very tightly swaddled, even in the buggy - I remember dragging the damn swaddling blankets everywhere!

I've got a pic of him at about 10 months snuggling in to me and I remember DH took it because it was such a novelty for him to want a cuddle.

He's a totally NT 6 yo now who loves a cuddle with his Mum.

Your DS's 'symptoms' sound very very inconclusive to me...

I used to have to hold my kids' arms still when they fed - it alternately amused and frustrated me that if you stopped them moving one limb, another one would start flailing wildly!!

They are 3.7 and 2.5 now; the big one still finds it very hard to stop moving and was never cuddly even as an infant, while the smaller one doesn't move as much and cuddles more. However, they were both arm-waving babies.

Try not to worry

My oldest son (16 tomorrow!) was not a cuddly baby. Our second son was very cuddly, and our daughter is also very cuddly. Nobody has ADHD.

CAn he sit up on his own ?
Does he handle toys ? Will he look at pictures in a book ?
Does he gaze into your eyes hold your gaze?

Some children have different sensory needs . May or May not be sign of bigger issues down the line.

Does he enjoy being imprisoned too or fights it ? Ie does he need the sensation of swaddling ? Get hold of a copy of "the out of synch child. " explains sensory issues v well .

I wasn't a cuddly baby. Wasn't good at eye contact either. Think my mum thought autism a possibility (I had all sorts of behavioural problems) but I'm NT (well as much as anyone!), very laid back now, and beautifully behaved . I learnt to be tactile in my twenties.

DD, while a very velcro child, didn't actually cuddle until say 3 or so. At 8 is still very cuddly.

My son has Aspergers and ADHD and he was a very cuddly baby. He was also a real snuggler as a toddler, so don't start worrying just yet.

Ds2 was never in to being cuddled even now at 15 its very rare he with hug anyone other than his girlfriend!

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling slightly reassured- no other developmental concerns, he's doing everything roughly on time. Very smiley and giggly and happy to see us- and does want to be held - just preferably in a different position every five seconds... I think I'm being crazy. He may well have ADHD like his Dad, but that's hardly the end of the world, and it's impossible to tell now- it's mosre just that MIL seems to think it's inevitable that's winding me up. She loves going on at great length about how awful DP was as a child and what a hard time she had .

Im not overly keen to take him to GP as I'm pretty sure that while I wouldn't be laughed out of the surgery I wouldn't be taken too seriously. I'm a medical student and 'barmy parents bringing perfectly healthy babies in and clogging up appointments' appears to be a standard winge. It's just really really hard to apply logic when it's your own .

My ADD brother was the cuddliest baby ever. So cuddly. He's still quite cuddly now at nearly thirty.